....this is gonna be a long few weeks leading up to Mother's Day. It's so hard not to think about what would have been without the miscarriages, I would have had a 2 month old, or I would have been 5 months pregnant.....
I feel bad, I know on Mother's Day I should be focusing on my mom, and how thankful I am for her, but all I can think of right now is how much my situation sucks and feel sorry for myself, and jealous that my SIL will be celebrating Mother's Day for the first time this year.
It's just so hard to happy for others these days when you feel so crummy yourself.
For those of you without LO's and who have suffered a miscarriage, or perhaps battling infertility or have been ttc for a long time, what are you doing for Mother's Day? Anything for yourself? Just focusing on your own mom? I'll likely be burying my head in the sand and trying to forget my heartache.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
We've had 2 miscarriages and DH and I have always firmly held to the view that miscarriage has no bearing on whether or not you are a mom or a dad. You got pregnant, you're a mom/dad. So we always got each other cards for Mother's Day and Father's Day. DH also always got me flowers for Mother's Day.
I know it might seem weird to some, but getting a sweet card from my husband about what a great mom I was every day I was pregnant and how lucky our children were and future children will be to have me as their mother really made me feel better.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
@gingerbebe: I love this.
@Mrsk: I agree with @gingerbebe, you are a mom.
nectarine / 2834 posts
I do have DD but was struggling with infertility the "first Mother's day" of when we were TTC. I just silently struggled and survived it with a smile plastered on my face despite what was going on inside. You'll get through it...
pomelo / 5607 posts
This will be our first Mother's Day since my m/c's, and while I am pregnant, there are issues so it's not the joyful thing that it ought to be. I haven't thought ahead yet to what we'll do. Probably focus on my mom, but maybe I should put some thought into doing something for myself. A massage would be nice. I think I'd rather have it be a "take care of myself" day than just try to ignore it, because I know I won't be able to.
honeydew / 7916 posts
Mother's Day has always been hard for me because I grew up without my mom, and with one of my m/c's last year it was my due date which ruined it even further. You are allowed to feel the things you want to feel for yourself. No matter what anyone else says, you don't have to celebrate everyone else's motherhood. It would be nice if your loved ones understood why this year is tough for you, but if they don't, just indulge in yourself. One day hopefully it will be a day of celebration for you and then you can take care of everyone else.
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
Big hugs! I hope exciting TTC-related things happen for you very soon.
eggplant / 11408 posts
This was me last year-Mother's Day was so, so hard. But I agree with @gingerbebe: you get pregnant, you're a mama. So be gentle and do something nice for yourself. Sending you big hugs
nectarine / 2019 posts
@Mrsk: Prior to getting our rainbow baby, I had 5 miscarriages. Mother's Day was essentially hell. I would put on a good face and try to get through our Mom's as quickly as I could. DH understood so we would just do breakfast/brunch for them together and that after that sort of ignore that it was happening. I felt terrible for weeks leading up to it. I would go through every date, every loss, over and over. I feel for you. I still cry on the day even though I have babies now. I had babies die who I don't get to celebrate with me that day. It sucks.
cherry / 245 posts
Are we living the same life? I had a break down in Target today as they were putting out the cards. I understand how awful it feels. I planted a new rose bush this weekend in memory of my first due date. Maybe you could do something like that? Or if you are close to your mom then you could spend some time with her.
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly. I'm TTC now for 12 cycles. I haven't yet been pregnant so I cannot fully relate. But I plan to just celebrate my mom and my sister. I'm not a mom yet and I'm going to try to feel really hopeful for when I can celebrate the holiday for myself.
pomelo / 5228 posts
I felt the same way last year, its rough. I was in a restaurant while on vacation, thinking I escaped most of Mother's day. Instead, they give me a carnation and I head to the bathroom to let it out. Dealing with IF + miscarriages is the hardest thing I've ever gone though, and I'm not sure Mother's day will ever feel like it should. Hugs to you, you're not alone!
nectarine / 2527 posts
@gingerbebe: aw that's really sweet I agree I felt the same way last Mother's Day
@Mrsk: I was in your shoes last year and I felt the same way. I feel like its understandable if you're not really happy for others right now I know I wasn't and like others are saying just do something nice for yourself and try not to feel sorry for yourself.
I wish all you ladies luck