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It gives us another way to connect, but honestly sometimes I am more stressed than I used to be around them. They are very outspoken and I have been extra sensitive as I adjust to being a new mom.

Not really. I feel like it's pretty much the same for us.

I got closer with my MIL, but becoming a parent negatively affected my relationship with my SMIL. Which is really sad, because we used to be so close.

Ours was bad to begin with but got worse after kids. I got a little more mama bear and less tolerant of neglect. It's one thing to ignore me, it's a whole other thing to ignore my kids.

@oliviaoblivia: same!

Yes changed for the worse and has made me realized how NOT to treat a future daughter in law.

I have a lot less patience for them and am more easily annoyed... I used to be better at letting their shenanigans roll off my back but now it bothers me more. I'm not confrontational so nothing has really happened, it's just that I get more annoyed

Hasn't really changed. My in laws have always been great. I do feel bad for my mil I know she'd love to be more involved but me and my baby both have a serious case of separation angst so she doesn't get to do much with her granddaughter. Certainly no independent visits. Hoping as time goes on my daughter, and me, will loosen up....

For the worse, I'm afraid it's mostly my fault I've become less patient. Criticism I could tune out or ignore before are now a lot harder to take. I also feel like parenting invites 'one upmanship' which my MIL does a lot and drives me crazy. Both MIL and FIL I think go out of their way to include me/appreciate/appease me since our children were born. I worry they think if I don't like them I'll keep them from the kids- which I wouldn't- but the whole effort annoys me. So the relationship is worse and I know I'm the issue, maybe when I get more sleep things will improve!

@oliviaoblivia: Yup.

My relationship with my IL's got worse for sure. They seem to think that our children are just an extension of their immediate family and that they have a say over what goes on and yet at the same time make absolutely no effort to connect with their grandkids.

From announcing our first pregnancy for us to telling DH that I am a controlling woman and that is his cross to bear and from telling others that I just wasn't strong enough and didn't endure enough to have a natural labor after my first (when I almost needed a c-section)...my relationship with them has definitely soured. They also criticize our parenting. It's been really fun.

Unfortunately for me, my MIL passed away when my daughter was 2 months old, and my FIL is suffering from Early Onset Alzheimers. So I really don't have parents-in-law to deal with. However, my relationship with my BIL and SIL has grown stronger in many ways because their daughter is just three weeks younger than my daughter, and their son is five months older than my son. So we are going through all the same milestones at the same time.

I feel that my husband's relationship with my mother (so his MIL) is stronger now, although he's still not comfortable calling her by her first name (long running joke at this point). My mother is a lot more welcoming towards him since he has proven he can provide her with adorable grandchildren...

My in law relationship isn't as good since having LO. My in laws live a plane ride away and I just can't take them for long stretches.

I think my biggest issue is that I'm working while they visit and I get really jealous when they spend the day doing fun things with LO. It doubly pisses me off because the reason I went back to work was because MIL convinced DH that no reasonable woman could be a SAHM. I'm glad I'm working now but I hold a lot of resentment because I know went back to work because of her feelings. When she visits and rubs in that "Mommy has to go to work" or "Mommy can't play today". She was a working mom too and I wish she was more sensitive. Things are much better when we visit them and I actually have time to visit.

@oliviaoblivia: I have similar feelings towards my FIL( my husband's parents are divorced.). I'm not sure how missing your only grandchild's first birthday or Christmas morning when you live 10 minutes away (and you've told us you'll be there) is excusable. I'll never get over that. But I know children will always take note of who shows up, so it's his loss.
On the other hand, my MIL and her husband are fantastic grandparents and I think we're maybe a tad closer. We were already close to begin with, but it's wonderful to see how much my son adores them.

Mine live a few states away and pre-LO we only saw each other 2 times a year and had a polite but distant relationship. Now that LO is here, we see them every 3 months or more and my MIL is trying to establish more of a relationship. We talk more but I don't feel all that closer to her - and honestly don't think we will ever be close - but I'm glad she's making an effort to be more in our lives for LO.

Same as @oliviaoblivia: @HLK208:. My MIL has always made it very clear that I wasn't her first choice of spouse for DH. She was extremely jealous DH's ex-girlfriend and her husband had a baby before us. When we did welcome LO, she behaved badly a number of times over a couple of visits. She couldn't fathom not staying in our house as we had a newborn and a couple adjusting to parenthood. It was made worse by a solo visit. We did 8 months in marriage counseling after that visit. Since that time, we only visit them and haven't had them up here. I've been polite and respectful during visits there, but am not close with my MIL at all. After what happened, I don't think I'll ever be or want to be close to her at all.

@cascademom: Oh, lucky you. Isn't it fun? That would be super annoying (about the FaceTime calls.) It's so irritating when they make absolutely no effort and yet act like they are super close with the kids and know what they are into and what is going on which it sounds like your MIL is guilty of. It infuriates me more than almost anything haha. We went on a trip last year and left DS with my parents and MIL was furious and kept complaining to DH and when he told her that we would have considered leaving DS with her for part of the trip had she actually been making an effort to get to know him she freaked out and said she didn't feel welcome to our home (because of me) so she couldn't make an effort. Typical - it's always our fault.

I've given up these days!

Having M just enhanced the things that bugged me about MIL. She's a sweet lady, but I can only take her in small doses.

FIL hasn't changed for me at all.

I had a good relationship with all my in-laws before having LO. SMIL is a very difficult and generally nasty person, but I can deal with difficult people well so we were fine.

My relationship with my MIL and FIL has gotten better since having LO, I feel like they love me more than they did before and really, truly see me as family now (though they always treated me very well before!). It’s just a different feeling, more than any specific behaviors. I really couldn't ask for a better MIL, especially, though FIL is awesome too.

With SMIL, our relationship has gotten more stressed and worse since having LO, especially because FIL loves LO and SMIL sees this as a challenge to her "position" as "most loved" by FIL (see, she's screwed up). I still deal with her and am polite, but she grates on me more than ever and it’s getting worse. I absolutely would NEVER leave LO alone with her (and DH agrees) because she is that toxic of a person. She’s made lots of remarks about how LO was “fat” when she was a baby (WTF) which brought out my mama bear, and she had severe issues with power and food (her own daughter, not surprisingly, has suffered from ED for decades) and I won’t leave my kid with her because she can’t be trusted. One day I will probably snap with her, especially since she is now intentionally pushing my buttons (like talking shit about my parents) where before she left me alone.

@Dandelion: Ditto this exactly.

We never had a bad relationship, but we're definitely different and I don't think I've ever felt "close" to her. I feel like since having my son there is a tension there and she doesn't act as open around me, but it is what is is. Our relationship is cordial at this point and I guess that's all that matters. In the beginning it was tough because she thought seeing our son 3 times a week wasn't enough and she was getting jealous of the time my mom was spending with our son. But that seems to have resolved now.

My FIL doesn't really talk, so that relationship is the same.

I already had a good relationship with MIL and I think having LO made us closer. I never had a good relationship with my one living grandmother, and my mom passed away before LO was born, so I am so glad that LO will get to have that special grandma relationship.

DH's parents are divorced and FIL is a little "off" (I'm really not sure what his deal is, and DH doesn't know either). We almost never saw him before LO but now we try to make an effort to see him every so often. I can't say our relationship is better or worse, but if I'm honest, I wish we didn't have to see him as often. I feel like we only go out of guilt.