Hellobee Boards

@pachamama: My LO went through a phase where she dropped the F bomb, very clearly and appropriately. As in, she threw up in her bed and goes “daddy! I made a fucking mess!” Yes dear, you did.

Mine haven’t said anything particularly funny this week. But I do like the 3 year olds New Years resolution: monkey. Nothing else, just monkey.

Not the same as most “kids say the darndest...” but my 20 month old is a bit speech delayed. He has just a handful of words and doesn’t even say “mama” yet. But when we get to the 2nd to last page of The Very Hungry Caterpillar he says “cocoon” clear as day...

I’m pregnant and my daughter asked “How do you get a baby?” I told her that you make one. Then she thought for a minute and said “Do you have enough skin pieces for that?” Haha. She was similarly concerned about my skin when she asked how the baby was going to come out. I tried to explain that the baby has its own skin but she seems worried that the baby will take all mine.

5 yr old DS out of the blue in the car today: "My favourite thing is being a human."

@Mrs. Champagne: that's hilarious

"We don't eat people. We eat food. Sometimes."

I don't know where she gets this stuff.

My mom had pinkeye last week. Out of the blue a few days ago DS asks “mommy, what color are your eyes?” His next question was “who has pink eyes?”

LO and I went to Six Flags for the first time together and he’s been at least 4-5 times with his dad. He wanted to ride the family rollercoaster called The Joker. He kept telling me (reassuring me) he was tall enough and went with his dad already. Try as I could I couldn’t confirm. We stood in line over a hour, held tight and screamed on the ride, and laughed how fun and scary it was.

At the end of the night I finally get a “no ma’am” he for sure hasn’t gone on that ride from DH. I tell LO that daddy told me he hadn’t taken you on The Joker. LO gives me the coldest blank stare followed by this line with a little attitude “I went on it with you.” So basically, my kid just told a sure fire lie earlier in the day and instead of fessing up he responds like his dad and makes it seem like I just must of misheard him earlier and furthermore no big deal now. It begins, I have two of them!!

@pachamama: I’m so glad we’re not the only one.
Yesterday we went to a bday party at an arcade and my 4yo was playing a game (arcade version of beer pong, naturally) and he missed a couple in a row and he goes “ugh this fuckin’ game!”
And I was RECORDING so I’ve been watching him say this on repeat and I can’t stop laughing. My husband watched the video and goes “yeah that would be my fault, I say it a lot when I’m driving him”

I finally started keeping track of the funny things DS says... lately anytime he can't explain something, he says it must be 'santa's magic'. There was toothpaste on the floor in our hallway, and he says "I didn't do it, Emma didn't do it, you didn't do it, it must be Santa's magic".

We had corn with dinner, and his response, "I don't like corn yet cuz I'm not 24 yet".

Putting his seat belt on... "You can go now mom, I promise I won't die".

I love these!! Yesterday, we were cleaning up after DS did his firetruck puzzle for the thousandth time, but DH had put the top back on the empty puzzle box at some point, so I said to DS, "Can you please open up the box and put all the pieces in it?" So he gets the box and brings it over and says to the box, "Say ahhhh" and then opens it up, lol.

DH was taking a video of DS1 doing the monkey bars backward at the park. All of a sudden, you hear DS2 (3yo) yell "fucking motherfucker". Then he apparently came over to DH and said "daddy, the reason I said that is that I fell off the balance beam". Like, it's cool daddy, there was a reason. DH just watches that video for hours with tears streaming down his face from laughing.

Tonight my 5 yo asked if this summer, she could have a bathing suit with a unicorn. I said sure. “No mommy, you didn’t let me finish my sentence. I want a bathing suit with a unicorn on it, but I want a cat head at the end of the horn. Not a whole cat, just a head, at the very top of the unicorn horn.”

Oh. That’s gonna be harder to find. And creepy.

We went out to dinner last weekend and the waitress came over and asked how everything was. My 5yo old piped up “This meat isn’t cooked well. The texture is wrong”.

My 3yo asks me 1,000 questions a day. Occasionally I will say "I don't know" in response, to which he says in a super annoyed, frustrated voice, "But you ALWAYS know!" Which I guess should make me feel good but it cracks me up

@Mommy Finger: lol!

We're discussing what to have for dinner. My 3yo with her very-serious face: "We need to eat food because we can't eat nipples."

(She thinks the baby breastfeeding is "eating your nipple")

My 3 (4 next month) year old has been telling everyone who will listen that I have a baby in my tummy. She also wants to talk details about how the baby got in there, and was concerned about cutting the baby out, so I decided to tell her that the baby will actually come out of my vagina.
We went to a birthday party this weekend and another mom is due in a few weeks, and obviously has a large belly. DD went up to her and said “you know, that baby is going to come out of your ‘Gina” 🤣 it was like she was warning her of horrors to come