Trigger warning - sexual assault
Have you seen this video? Extremely powerful and frightening to see as a parent: http://bit.ly/1P9BlRB
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Oh my goodness, how will I send my daughter to college someday?
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Thanks for the warning. I've listened to the song and it tore me up. I now definitely know I won't be watching the video. I had intended to because it was all over my fb feed (from my 12 friends) but I don't need that in my life right now.
Is it something to keep the back pocket for teaching in the future? I have every intention on telling both of my kids (son and daughter) about what happened to me - to teach my son to respect women and to teach my daughter that it can happen and that it's ok to reach out for help.
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I'm not generally a Lady Gaga fan, but WOW. I'm not sure when the right age is to have the discussion with kids or to let them see the video, but I definitely agree - video of the year.
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@littlebug: I think it could potentially be a learning tool for a discussion with a 16 or 17 year old. It's a little scary because only one of the three scenarios is a roofie situation, the other scenarios are just women being overpowered, so there is no way to teach them how to mitigate risk in those situations. I think the arc of the narrative is that there is hope and healing in reaching out to others and having them care for you. Healing through openness, if you will.
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@teawithpaloma: Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me - I was simply overpowered - no drugs, no weapons, etc. I will obviously watch it at some point before deciding if/when to include that in our discussion. Just wondering if it was something to even consider using as a "tool," so to speak.
As you said, mitigating the risk in the situations where women are being overpowered is difficult. I did everything "right" in my situation, but it still happened. And I think that's the point I want to drive home to my daughter - it CAN still happen, but it's ok, and more importantly, it's ok to reach out for help. I didn't until it was too late and I was having panic attacks and diagnosed with PTSD.
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We can teach our daughters to "mitigate risk" until we're blue in the face. Nothing will change until we start teaching our sons not to abuse women.
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@littlebug: I am gutted to hear your story. I'm glad you reached out for help and hope you have found some healing.
I can't go into specifics but all I can say is you are not alone, as you are probably well aware.
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@littlebug: I'm a rape survivor, too. I'm sorry.
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@ms.line: I totally agree. I hope you know I used that term because it is used by those who victim shame as ways to placate their own responsibility.
I read somewhere (NYtimes?) about new, really intensive, mandatory curriculum about yes means yes and truly, defining consent and it sounded promising.
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@teawithpaloma: @Ra:
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@Ra:
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While most of the abuse is done by males, they aren't exclusively capable. I think it's important for all to understand what is abuse and attempt to stop it.
I've never been abused in this sense, but I have witnessed rape and it's horrible.
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@teawithpaloma: Oh yeah, sorry, I wasn't picking on your response at all!
I'm a survivor of "grey rape" - I went to a guy's apartment and smoked pot with him before he raped me. I'm usually a pretty loud, ballsy, "tough girl," but as he started pulling my clothes off I found myself utterly frozen with terror, unable to move or speak. After he finished I just got up and walked out of his apartment like a zombie, and didn't start crying until the next day. Because I knew the "rules" for "how not to get raped," I still sometimes feel guilty for going to his apartment alone or for having the "wrong" response. I want my future daughter to know that she is NEVER at fault for being raped, no matter what she did or did not do in any given scenario.
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The video does a good job of showing the different level of trust and ultimately betrayal that the women may have in the male perps. We teach our girls about not leaving a drink unattended, but what about when the bad guy is your boyfriend? We really need to teach the boys/ men.
Much love to the survivors
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@ms.line:
I have had friends who have been in eerily similar scenarios. It's never yours or their fault.
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@ms.line: yup..similar situation here. but 16 years old, without the pot. just - frozen. can't say no to your boyfriend right? I mean, they say they love you and all..
so afraid to raise my two girls. seriously. I follow slutwalk on facebook. it's a really powerful message. https://www.facebook.com/SlutWalk?fref=ts
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I watched the video a few times, I think it's really powerful. A lot of times when people hear about someone being raped they envision an intoxicated girl being taken advantage of or someone being overpowered in a dark alley by a stranger..but that's not always how it goes. Sometimes you are 13 and at a party with your first "real" boyfriend who decides that you are drunk enough for him to rape and sodomize in front of three of his friends and their camera phones. Sometimes it's a friend in your dorm room, or a stranger at a party who seemed really nice. I think that fact is what makes it even more scary. There is no way to be prepared, you can learn all there is about how to prevent it or avoid sketchy scenarios, but at the end of the day, you're still just a scared, drunk thirteen year old who trusted the wrong person.
What's important is the ability to get through it, to find people who you can talk to and heal with. I think the video does a good job of that.
@Ra: @littlebug:
big hugs to you ladies. Unfortunately my example wasn't just an example, it's my own shitty story of a 13 year old who took YEARS to heal, but then again..here we are, three strangers on the internet who are able to connect with other survivors and discuss our stories and heal with one another. So, I think Lady Gaga got it right with this one -
@MrsTiz:
I think Lady Gaga gets it right most of the time. For as weird as she can be, she's a very powerful voice for a lot of oppressed/scared individuals. I love her more and more all the time.
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A new report came out yesterday and places the number of non-consensual sexual contact at 1 in 3 college women:
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