I am so fed up with my 15yr DD. She is seriously the laziest teen I have ever met. We have days that she doesn't shower or change out of her PJ's all day. She will even wear her clothes to bed and wake up wearing the clothes from the day before and not bother to change. She just sits in front of the TV in our kids room all day. She leaves her messes snack wrappers belongings etc. in the room. I get SO frustrated because it takes alot of work to keep our house clean and I really need the older kids to pick up after themselves (they don't do any type of chores to help keep the house clean). I'm 28+3 weeks pregnant and really need her to start picking up after herself. The little things that she does are just really starting to bother me as she approaches 16 and adulthood I really feel she needs to get WAY more responsible. Here is an example of a super small thing but for was the last straw last night. She asked for a cupcake I had baked. I said sure but make sure to use a plate and clean up the sprinkle and crumbs from the table when you are done. The night went on and I wasn't paying attention to what she was doing. When it was time for them to go to bed I asked that she take all of her stuff out of the tv room with her when she went to her room. Finally it was time for me to get some sleep I go into the kitchen to find crumbs and sprinkles all over the table and floor from her cupcakes. Cookie wrappers in the TV room (they aren't allowed to eat in there) and most her belongings left in the room along with cut up paper and crumpled paper stuffed on the side of the couch. Gah so annoying because I spend almost my entire day trying to keep the house tidy which is hard since we have 3 kids plus 1 little girl I babysit. We have a very large house that requires alot of cleaning and I'm just so sick of her not picking up after herself. So this morning she wakes up and I tell her to please clean her room before watching TV. She is in her room a total of 5 minutes and did not clean it. I then tell her to pick up her stuff in the TV Room and that today she needed to find something besides TV to occupy her time. She is SO mad but I just really don't care. I don't know what the hell to do to get her to stop being so freaking lazy! I guess this is more of a Mom rant then anything I just needed to get my frustration out.
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Yikes! I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry you have to go through that!
How is she about other stuff - like school? Does she get good grades?
I was pretty lazy as a teen too, but I always maintained good grades at least. And around 15, I did get a job, and that taught me a lot about responsibility. Is there a way you could put parental controls on the TV so she can't watch it as much and you have more control of it? I know she's a bit old, but maybe you could try some timeouts or some sort of punishment until she starts respecting you a little bit more? Maybe take away her phone or something else (like the TV) for a while until she starts picking up after herself more?
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I was always highly scheduled in the summer: Summer camp, dance camp, music school, etc. Can she get enrolled in some kind of program? Or can you set up some kind of at-home curriculum with reading/chores/studying schedule? Maybe she can get an allowance for incentive?
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@Adira: She is always on the B honor roll and gets her school work done. I'm going to have a serious talk with DH tonight about what we are going to do from this point because this cannot continue once LO is born.
@highwire: She is enrolled in a life skills type group that she attends twice a week. They pick her up at 9:30am and she comes home around noon. Besides that though she has no interest in any type of sport type things. She likes doing crafts so I haver bought her a bunch of fcrafting and scrapbooking things but she doesn't really do them unless she is in front of the TV and making a mess :/.
In our state she has to be 16 to get a job.
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@Mrs.B: My parents/family didn't care if I was interested or not in going to any activities. I wasn't staying home all day to make messes and be lazy (which I TOTALLY would have done if I didn't have any structure).
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@Mrs.B: I agree, it sounds like you need to offer something for her to do besides watch tv. I dont' think kids at that age will do it themselves so its kinda up to you.
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In my house growing up, TV was a privilege earned. If she doesn't pick up, she doesn't watch TV. I agree with the PP about having more activities.
When you ask her to do something and she doesn't do it, what are the consequences? -
If I didn't clean up after my mess, my mom would just take it and put it in my room on the floor. Like she would literally take the candy wrappers and crumbs and put it in my room and close the door. If I left clothes on the sofa or floor, she would throw them in my room. Eventually my room got so messy and gross and I would be embarrassed to invite my friends over that I cleaned it up. My mess....my room. It used to drive me MAD but it would get her point across. She also used to say "if you don't pick that up, i'm throwing it away" and if I didn't pick it up, she would literally throw it away in the trashcan in the garage. She didn't care WHAT it was or how expensive it was...she was trying to get her point across.
Anyhow....I'm a total neat freak now so I guess it worked! haha
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I think there have to be consequences for her actions. So if she doesnt pick up after herself there should be some sort of punishment or loss of privileges. Otherwise she will always do whatever she feels like. My parents were strict with rules and would follow through with loss of privileges like getting to go on sleep overs or parties or getting new things that I wanted.
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@Mrsbells: I definitely agree with this. There need to be clear consequences to her actions. If she doesn't pick up after herself or do whatever it is you've requested, she needs to be punished in some way. Does she have a cell phone? Take it away. Does she hang out with her friends on occasion? Don't let her. We already know she likes watching TV - ban it. Does she have her own computer? Take that away.
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I agree that we need to make clear consequences. We have not done that. Today I talked to her and told her if at any point she leaves the TV room a mess or any of her belongings in it then the room will be banned for the next day. If it keeps happening then the TV will no longer be used. I need to have a serious talk with DH about it tonight he is horrible at giving out consequences. I am technically step mom here so it really needs to be him that lays down the law for her. She is adopted and DH has really spoiled her to make up for anything that has happened in her past. She has been in our home for more then half her life though and he needs to stop doing that. He is turning our 2 older kids into spoiled entitled kids which he sees and recognizes. He needs to start doing something about it.
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@Mrs.B: Yeah, it makes it hard if you're seen as "just" the step mom and you don't have the authority to do what needs to be done. Definitely talk to your husband about this! Kids THRIVE on boundaries and even though they act like they hate you now, they will THANK you later!!! I definitely think you're taking a step in the right direction of banning her from the room for a day based on the mess she leaves and disallowing the TV. Hopefully your husband will back you up and help you set boundaries and clear consequences for behavior.
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If I didn't hang up my coat (my dad's biggest pet peeve), he would take it from me and I would owe him 1$ before I could get it back. I learned really quickly that I didn't want to waste all my money on having him do my chores for me (plus the embarrassment of having to wear last year's winter coat to school was just too much to bear!)
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I would make her get a job!
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I know school is about to start, but maybe try and find some kind of community service project in your area that you can get her involved in.
When I was her age, we were pretty scheduled. I had a ton going on between dance, girls scouts, boy scouts (my dad and brothers, but I could volunteer to help with the twilight camp programs) and church activities.
I know our local Y had a volunteer program for that age group (15-17)to help with the day camps. They would help the counselors run games, arts and crafts, and assembly. Plus it kept them out of the house at least 40 hours a week and super busy.
It does sound like she needs boundaries and consequences as well. First I would quit picking up after her! Leave the mess for her to clean up! Why would she clean up after herself if you are going to do it? I would also reward her for doing extra things around the house (not keeping her stuff clean) like clean the kitchen after dinner, laundry, or walk her siblings to the park so you can have some time to yourself.
Hope you find something that works!
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