So this weekend, a good friend of mine is having her bachelorette party! It's Friday-Sunday, but I'm going up Saturday and staying until Sunday. Hubs is staying home with the baby (he's 3.5 months).
So... should I leave him any instructions? Or just let him figure it out on his own?
coconut / 8498 posts
At 3.5 months DH would have definitely wanted me to leave instructions! He didn't realize just how great of a dad he was at that point, and was a bit unsure.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Weagle: Hmm... maybe I should ask Hubs if he wants instructions?? I'm worried he's going to go through all my breast milk because whenever Xander cries, Hubs' first instinct is that he's hungry!
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Adira: I wouldn't...I think my DH would be pretty insulted if I did. He's her dad too so why would he need instructions? Have fun!
pomegranate / 3452 posts
@Adira: keep in mind Mrs. Blue's post about letting a dad be a dad! I think you should talk to him first about what he might be worried about, or need suggestions on. I personally would steer away from saying "instructions."
coconut / 8681 posts
I'd leave instructions but I'd just try not to give them in too preachy of a way I guess? Like you trust him to figure things out but these are tips and tricks that you've found worked 
apricot / 315 posts
I would leave some basic instructions both to help him in case your LO keeps him too busy to think straight, and for your peace of mind!
Not sure how your DH is, but mine doesn't like too much in the way of instructions cause it makes him feel like I don't think he knows how to take care of L. Some basic tips would be helpful though I bet!
honeydew / 7687 posts
My DH would've been offended if I'd left instructions, I think (I haven't been away for a night), but he's always been pretty hands-on and I would've assumed he knew what he was doing. He's 50% of the parenting equation, I feel like instructions make him more of a babysitter! So maybe just ask your hubby if he wants any notes or if he's confident?
pomegranate / 3398 posts
I would not leave instructions. He is involved every day so he would know what she needs.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
When I leave hubs (for a few hours... I've never left over night) I pretty much just let him know when she last ate and when she last pooped and that's all the info he needs. He does often over feed her when I'm away but that's not the end of the world. I assume that wherever you are your husband can reach you if he has questions.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@aprk: Good point! I should go re-read her blog post about that!
Okay, so maybe I'll ask him if he wants me to leave any tips or if he feels confident. I'm mostly worried he's going to waste all my breast milk and assume that Xander is hungry if he's fussy when he really might just be overtired...
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Adira: but why wouldn't DH know his sleepy cues like you do? Even at 3.5 months my DH knew well enough her feeding schedule. And sometimes there were times she needed to eat more often!
I would just let them be....
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@regberadaisy: I would say that Hubs isn't as hands-on with the baby as I am, and he didn't spend 12 weeks off of work like I did. Plus in the beginning, Xander's sleepy cues were him just falling asleep! Now-a-days, he often gets overtired instead and gets fussy, and Hubs hasn't caught onto that fact yet. He's always like "Why don't you feed him?" and I'm all "Because he just ate an hour ago and he's actually tired." And sometimes Xander won't be fussy, but will clearly need a nap (clearly to me, not to Hubs) and I'll try telling Hubs that he's been up for 2.5 hours and needs a nap, and Hubs will be all "He looks wide-awake to me!" He doesn't seem to get that babies don't just fall asleep when they are tired! Probably because for the first 6-8 weeks, Xander DID just fall asleep when he was tired.
persimmon / 1361 posts
I would leave a few instructions. My DH is great but he really doesn't pay attention to LO's schedule like I do. When I was leaving town, he said confidently, "3 bottles a day, I know." Uh...no...more like 6! I was BF'ing so he wasn't counting those sessions and just the bottles we give him for daycare. Don't go overboard, but a basic outline would probably be helpful
coconut / 8498 posts
@regberadaisy: Sometimes it takes longer for husbands to be sure of themselves. At 3.5 months DH was pretty aware of her routine and cues, but she still didn't have a great schedule and was generally crazy. And he would still get unsure of himself in the moment. It's not a bad thing if he needs tips or reminders.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Amelieisme: haha, yeah, I'm not sure my husband knows how many bottles Xander will need either. We send four to daycare, but I always expect one back. And Hubs is often on his computer when I'm feeding Xander in the evening, so I'm not even sure he knows its happening! Maybe I'll just leave him a couple notes, like "feed him roughly every 3 hours, and put him down for a nap after 2 hours."
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Adira: Mine misses R sleepy cues too. He always asks, is it her nap time? Figure it out buddy!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Smurfette: haha, I'm just worried Hubs will go "Oh, you're fussy, you must be hungry" and then go warm up a bottle only to find out that Xander is NOT hungry and there goes 5oz of my hard-earned milk!
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Adira: Just leave him what he needs, maybe on extra. Then try and hide all the rest in the freezer, so he can't find it.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@Adira: You can just tell him that, either verbally or written. "Babe, please don't waste the breast milk. if Xander just ate, he won't need to eat again for X-amount of hours. Once you heat the milk, it'll be wasted, and I'm not there to pump more".
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Anagram: Yeah, good idea. I'll try to be explicit that Xander eats every 3 hours, so if it's only be 1, he's probably not hungry again. I don't think my husband realizes how much work I put into pumping all that milk, so he probably thinks it's no big deal to have to dump some of it!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@Adira: what does he want? At 3.5 months, my husband wanted instructions! Heck, today he still wants instructions if I'm going to be gone too long. He doesn't want to "do it wrong." He knows our system, though. He's there every single night and morning. He knows what to do, he's not an idiot, but he likes to have instructions just in case.
Nothing detailed, just a timeline:
6am bottle
8am nap
9am bottle
Change dipes ever 3 hours
Whatever.
I'm impressed you're able to stay away so long with a 3.5 month old!!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@mediagirl: I'll have to ask him and find out what he wants because I'm honestly not sure!
And I'm nervous about being away so long! I already told the hostess of the bachelorette party that I'll be bringing my pump along and there will be breast milk in the fridge, haha. I think I'm going to miss Xander a TON, but it'll be good for us both to have some time away from each other I think!
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