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"Leaving kids in the car for 5 minutes isn't child abuse"

  1. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @Mrs.KMM: Yeah, that story pissed me off too. She accurately judged that the situation posed no danger to her son and left him for a short amount of time. They wasted so much time and resources on a valid parenting choice.

    And I'm not saying that anyone should leave their kids for more than a few minutes, or in a car that could easily get too hot. But if the temperature in the car is fine and the kid is happy and the car's not running and unlocked, what exactly is the danger?

  2. macintosh

    pear / 1750 posts

    I find this really interesting. As a guardian of a disabled person and a mom, I struggle with this all the time. Because of DH's wheelchair, I routinely leave him to sit in the car (which he prefers) while I run errands. I figure if I can leave him home for the same period of time, since he's somewhat independent in the chair, I should be able to leave him in the car like any adult.

    What bothers me is the concern that something could happen to him while parked, especially if I need to leave the car on for the AC or heater to run. DH's wheelchair is strapped in to the back of the van, so he wouldn't be able to get away in an emergency, but he does have a cell phone. I try to only do this when we're in a "good neighborhood".

    Now that I'm also a mom, I worry about something as small as taking the cart across the parking lot once he is strapped into the car seat. I would never leave my infant completely alone in the care (except for getting gas or in my driveway for a minute) but I have left him in there with DH.

    It's summer, so on a mild day I'll do this if he's asleep and I can roll down the windows and lock them both inside while I run into the drugstore. DH can always text me if they need something. I even left the two of them alone while I ran to Walgreens for 10 minutes once, with LO strapped in his high chair and DH feeding him a bottle. I worried the whole time, but they were fine! I believe that DH will be capable of solo parenting DS when he's a little older. When it gets cold, I'll probably continue leaving DH in the car with the heat on, but I'll take LO in with me.

    ETA: I do worry when I lock DH and LO in the car together if someone might be watching mr and disapprove. A passerby might not notice that daddy is in the back.

  3. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    Grateful te NJ court had a bit of common sense! I am an unapologetic so-liberal-I'm-almost-socialist and generally the last to ever complain about government intrusion or the "nanny state" but this sort of thing sort of drives me crazy.

    There are a thousand decisions you make every day that affect your child's safety. You want them to be safe but you don't want to helicopter them. You want to prevent big injuries but allow them the small ones so they learn. You want them to be careful but not fearful of the world.

    I really do not think it is more dangerous to leave your kid in the car for 2 minutes in your sight on a mild day than it is to take your kid across a busy street.

    I left my kid in the car one time and it made me SO nervous. Not because I thought something would happen to her but because I was scared someone would say something to me. I had to drop a package at the post office. I had a prepaid label so I did not have to wait in line, just had to open 1 door and set it on the counter. It was pouring cold rain and I'd already dragged her into and out of several stores (she was in a convertible seat at this time so we were both just getting wet). I pulled up in front of the door and left my blinkers on, took the car keys with me, and was in and out in literally 30 seconds. But it made me so nervous the next time this situation occurred (we had a very rain spring!) I waited in my car in a parking spot until someone else pulled in and stood in the rain asking a stranger to take my package in for me so I could avoid dragging my toddler through the rain.

    I hate that my judgment point is "what will people think" vs. "what do I feel is actually safe."

  4. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    My son is almost 5, he can unbuckle his car seat, work deadbolts, basically the kid can escape from anywhere. I would never leave him unattended in a car, parked, locked, unlocked, whatever, because in the off chance something happened, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
    As for everyone else and what they choose, I mind my own business.

  5. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    @Mrs. Jacks: yeah - such an awful situation!

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