I got a call from LO's daycare that she got bitten on the face! I have such mixed emotions about this!
I got a call from LO's daycare that she got bitten on the face! I have such mixed emotions about this!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Ay yi yi. Is she okay??
1. I would make sure she is okay and I would go pick her up and take her home for the day.
2. I would sleep on it.
3. Tomorrow, I would talk to the director and make sure the parent of the child who bit my child was told that their child bit my child. ON THE FACE.
pear / 1837 posts
My LO got bitten 6 times during her second week of daycare. They took drastic measures- talking with the offending child's family, rearraging the room to ensure that the kids were interested in something OTHER than my LO, and putting a staff on my daughter full time to make sure she wasn't bitten. Here we are in week 4 and no bites. I feel your pain, it's awful to think of some other kid biting your baby. I would talk to daycare if I were you.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
i try to think of these things based on what it would feel like if my son were the one that was the biter.
I would feel completely mortified and in a state of panic.
persimmon / 1472 posts
Yikes!!! I would sleep on it then have a calm (or try to) talk with the director and daycare provider about how to avoid this.
pear / 1998 posts
I was bitten on the face (cheek) as a toddler. It was a few days before I got pictures taken, so there is a picture of me with a bite mark on my cheek. I still have very, very, very faint scaring because if it. It never bothered me, I don't remember it at all, but my mom always felt horrible about it.
I'm not sure what I would do. I don't have kids yet. I know it feels awful.
nectarine / 2667 posts
@looch: me too! Biting is so developmental - it could be the sweetest kid ever doing the biting.
@Mrsbells: Is your daughter alright? Did it break the skin? I'm guessing the mixed emotions are because you know it's normal for kids to bite, but no one wants their child to be bitten! I'd ask how it happened and, if it happened again, talk to the director about making sure the teachers keep a closer eye on her.
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
That's awful! I'd be livid I'd def have a talk w/ the director to see what's gonna be done about this.
apricot / 309 posts
Poor thing! I would be so upset if this happened to my LO, but I know this stuff happens with kids.
I hope that your daycare addresses the situation and provides a full explanation for what happened. I think I would be really bothered if they sort of brushed it off, but if they address it and don't try and cover it up and take precautions like what happened with @lulabee, I would feel better. One of my friends had their baby burned by a space heater at daycare and the daycare providers were like - "babies get into things!" Needless to say, they pulled their baby out of there ASAP.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@MungBean: See, I feel terrible reading your response and my child hasn't bitten anyone (yet). I'd want the full story, which is difficult with toddlers, because you don't know what really happened. Did your kid push my kid, and he reacted by biting? That's where it's not so black and white for me.
olive / 68 posts
@looch: Totally agree with you!
When my son was in homecare he was sometimes the victim of a biter and I was upset. But then we switched to a different homecare, and he went through a biting phase. I was always so humiliated and felt like his behavior was my fault, but I think a lot of young children go through this phase. I don't know how confrontational I'd be with the parent of the biter, especially if this was a one time thing.
However if the bite was serious and this happens often, I'd definitely talk the director.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
I'm sorry to hear that I agree w/ @mediagirl. I would sleep on it tonight and then talk to the director. Go give that baby some cuddles!
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
As the parent of a biter, I can tell you it's the worst feeling, especially when you aren't there to control the situation. My LO shows NO signs of biting at home and around me. We have tried several things to stop the biting, it's inconsistent one bite every other week, so a total of 5 bites in two months. It really is developmental. I'm so sorry your daughter got bit, I just wanted to tell you what it's like from the other side.
squash / 13199 posts
@Espion: Yes by another kid. they are all undr 18 months in that class. LO is 15 months now.
@mediagirl: Yes she is okay they say. they put ice on her face and the mark is pretty much all gone now but a bit of red bump left. Yeah I will definitely ask which child did it, because a few weeks ago another child got bitten so if its the same child then that is a problem.
@LulaBee: wow sorry about. 6 bites! that is crazy
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
@MungBean: Biting is developmental. It does not mean the biter was a "mean baby." Toddlers learn by mouthing things. They do not bite to be mean or viscious.
nectarine / 2458 posts
I don't know that I would do anything... biting, although upsetting, is pretty normal for small children. If it became a regular thing iwould want the kids separated but a one time offense? I wouldn't let it bug me.
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
@littlek: I never said anyone was a "mean baby"
@looch: no matter the circumstances, I would be angry and upset that my child was bitten on the face. That's just how I would feel.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
Agree that I would sleep on it and approach the situation as reasonably as possible. Obviously the daycare needs to try as much as possible to prevent it, but I do agree with other posters that toddlers do often go through a biting phase. LO had a short one himself and once bit a friend's child. And I was *so so* mortified!
nectarine / 2458 posts
@MungBean: what would you be satisfied with the director doing? That's what I don't understand.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I agree with @mediagirl: suggestion!!!
LO has bitten me a few times and I get really nervous now about "play" biting her. And wince a lot when MIL plays "bite your piggies". I keep thinking any day we'll get a call that LO bit someone at daycare!
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
@Navy_Mommy: I would like to know what will be done to avoid this in the future.
nectarine / 2667 posts
@Mrsbells: I don't think they'll tell you who the biter was. It's always been my understanding that its against privacy rules & I've never disclosed names of children involved in incidents. You should mention your concern that it might be the same child, but I don't know if they can even confirm that.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@mewtill: I think other moms on here of LO's whom have gotten bitten said their daycare was able to at least confirm whether the biter was a repeat offender.
apricot / 457 posts
As a parent of a biter, I feel awful about it every time it happens. But sometimes it's just a phase they go through. They've segregated my baby and tried to keep him from getting too close to the other babies and they've given him toys. I wouldn't like it if it was my child being bitten but at least now I have perspective on the other side. He's not doing it to be mean or to hurt other people, he bites sometimes to show affection - similar to how a puppy nips.
I'm not sure what other moms would want done - just ban the biter? I'm sure most of us have experienced a ton of instances where you just can't control your child's behavior no matter what you do.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
I think extreme(ish) reactions usually come from those who stay home with their LOs and/or who don't have to relinquish control . . . it is really difficult to understand having to deal with not only the guilt of leaving your LO, but also that you weren't able to do/not do something for them that may have helped prevent an incident.
nectarine / 2667 posts
@MungBean: the problem is most toddler biting incidents aren't avoidable, because they aren't malicious. I've had a toddler bite another toddler who was in my lap - they were playing and it happened before I knew it. If a child hasn't bit before, there's not much you can do. It's definitely worth the OP investigated to make sure A) kids are being left unsupervised & B) it's not a repeat offender who needs a preventative plan. Biting is something that's part of the daycare "cons" list, up there with getting sick a lot.
squash / 13199 posts
@looch: yeah I hope she doesnt start biting other kids now
@littleveesmommy: thanks for that good advice
@TemperanceBrennan: wow that is crazy!
@mewtill: they tell me she is okay and that it didnt break the skin, but kids's teeth can be so sharp.
@MungBean: Yes I have mixed emotions I feel angry and sad for her but I'm also trying to be calm about it
@littlek: thanks for that...
@BabyBoecksMom: yeah I wish I could leave work early but I cant, I told DH and he may be able to
honeydew / 7444 posts
@Mrsbells: When LO was around 12 months, I noticed that LO's fingers had bite marks on them. It turns out this one girl had bitten LO. I was really upset, and brought it up with the caregiver, who didn't know how she got the bite marks. The next day, she observed that my LO had put her fingers in the girl's mouth, prompting another bite on her hands! I'm not saying that it was your girl's fault, but i'd definitely find out what may have caused/prompted it or if it's a situation where this baby is a repeat biter.
I'm sure it looks worse than it really is, and that your babe is a strong one! Hope she gets lots of hugs and kisses when you see her.
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
Not having seen the bite, I'd say being livid is an overreaction. I would rather talk to the teachers than the director personally, to find out their ideas on dealing with this because it is developmental and likely they have dealt with it before. If I was not satisfied with their answer, then I'd go to the director or maybe even think about finding another program for my child.
That said I do think there are opportunities lost when a teacher spends all their time avoiding any accidents and confrontations. Yes they can control the environment and yes they should watch the children as best they can but as long as they making an ongoing effort to address the situation, I would try to comfort my child extra and let it go.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
My LO got bitten in the face too! The most frustrating thing was when I asked daycare nobody saw it when it happened so they didn't know who did it. I had to just let it go, but it bothered me for awhile until the bite mark finally disappeared.
persimmon / 1081 posts
@MsLipGloss: ok, why'd you have to go there? I'm a SAHM who knows that biting is normal (though not desirable) behavior in babies and toddlers. I think you'd get the full range of reactions from both SAHPs and WOHPs. Actually, poll any random 100 people on the street and I think some would be outraged and some would say, whatevs.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@mrsmate: I have to agree with you.
I would sleep on it like @mediagirl suggested and talk to the teachers/director tomorrow to find out if they know what happened. I feel for ya though! I hate when anything hurts LO, I"m trying to accept that I can't keep her in a bubble but it's hard!
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@mrsmate: Because not having control changes things. It doesn't diminish or lessen the anxiety and distress that any parent would feel(!) . . . but, the reality is, when you still have to hand your LO over to someone again tomorrow, with no more control than you had today, in order to make the best decisions possible and to be able to do it again (and again and again), you have to rationalize and try to limit the reactionary emotions because they will only make your anxiety worse, and because you have to try to instead re-direct that emotion into making the best decisions possible with regard to your LO's care. Not having to relinquish control changes that dynamic considerably.
persimmon / 1081 posts
@MsLipGloss: I wish you'd said this in the first place instead of generalizing negatively about SAHPs.
I think what you're actually talking about is WAHPs' need to suppress reactions to incidents for the sake of their own sanity. I totally get that. But you have the wrong idea if you think SAHPs don't have to check our emotions sometimes, too. Many of us feel very isolated in the early months, so when we are able to develop a social/support network of other SAHPs, we aren't going to give it up over nothing. We're not going to yell at a parent we've been seeing for months at a weekly playdate just bc their kid is doing something perfectly normal for their age. We're not going to stop going to a playground just bc some kid hit my kid.
You can change daycares. My DD goes 2x/wk, so I know it's not that easy. You know what else isn't easy? Making all new friends, which is what I'd have to do in my circle if I made a federal case out of biting.
My point is there is no reason to make it a WAH vs SAH thing bc we all have our challenges.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@Mrsbells: I am sorry for the thread jack.
@mrsmate: It wasn't a negative generalization. It was an observation. It also wasn't an *us versus them* response, it was a point of view response. We're all parents, so to me, there is only *US* . . . there is no *them.*
I did mention relinquishing control in my first response (and in my direct response to your inquiry). That being said, I am going to give your most recent response the consideration that is typically observed here on HB, and not take your response personally or comment further.
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
@mrsmate: I'm pretty positive this wasn't supposed to be a WOHM v SAHM contest. I think what @MsLipGloss: was saying is that it's hard when your child bites or bitten and there's nothing you can do about it. I feel HORRIBLE when my son bites a child and what makes it worst is that I'm not there to do something about it.
@Mrsbells: I'm so sorry for the thread jack. I really hope your little girl feels better! Hugs!
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