Three of my closest friends live in different cities (we haven't lived in the same place since college) and lately I'm finding it harder to stay connected with them. One of them I see once every year or two, the other two I see maybe twice a year. I text regularly with each of them but I sometimes feel like there's not much to say. We're like "How have you guys been?" "Good, you?" It's just hard to try and catch someone up on details when you're not part of the details. I don't want to end the friendships, any tips for long distance friends?
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@Jennibenni: see each other is my tip. I have a friend from when I was 12 and she lives 7 hours away. We both have kids now and she doesn't text often. I haven't talked to her in 4 months either. We try to see each other at least once a year. It is true I feel that the friends worth keeping keep their heart open for you and keep you on their mind even when it has been a while. We used to talk more frequently but it has been hard in the recent months because of new babies and busy lives.
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I don't think you need to consider the friendships ended, it's just that they've changed with time and distance! I don't live near to some of my close friends but we know that we're always thinking of each other and that when we do catch up it's like nothing has changed!
The other thing I like to do is tag my friends in silly posts of FB, it's a quick and easy way to let them know I'm thinking about them
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My closest friends from college all live in different cities/states so we all talk daily in a chat group.
My BFF only lives in the city when I live in the burbs but I consider long distance since I can barely make it out to see her with two kids. I also text her on a daily basis & we do make plans to hang out like once every few months.
Most other friends that I can't physically see, we all just drifted apart...
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My best friends all live far away (my MOH is 8 or 10 hours away and I haven't seen her in almost 5 years, my BFF from high school lives in Puerto Rico and I see her once or twice a year)
I think one of the reasons the ARE my best friends is that no matter how much time or distance there is, when we ARE together or when we need each other, it's like no time has passed.
We don't keep each other up to date on every single mundane detail of our lives. But we keep in touch about important things. We rarely text, sometimes talk on facebook, and probably email once every week or two. But I love these girls dearly and know they love me too.
I think it's easier to catch up by asking about something in particular (their job, hobby, SO, etc.) instead of something like "how are you"
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Facebook chat groups. I am an expat, and I also used to live in Japan. I have multiple facebook chat groups that I use daily to keep up with people.
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I'll drop an occasional handwritten note in the mail or a small gift for a birthday or special occasion.
I'm really good with low maintenance friendships so if they are happy with the amount of contact I'm happy for the most part.
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All of my "closest" friends live in other states & while we don't talk nearly as often as I'd like, we definitely feel like we pick right up where we left off when we do talk or see each other. I do miss the more regular interaction as when we all lived in the same place, but the time-tested friendships are definitely deeper than the geographically close friendships are.
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@Kemma: agreed! My best friend lives several hours away and we both have 3 kids and our working schedules are different so it makes phone conversations nearly impossible but we send thinking of you texts often and "catch up" on FB.
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It is hard!! They moved across the country after college and my closest friends still live back "Home". That was 15 years ago and I've maintained friendships but it is hard for sure!!
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I agree that actually seeing them is key. Luckily my best friend from high school is only an hour away and my best friend from college comes to our state yearly... It's still hard though since neither of them have kids!
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Helpful responses, thanks! Of course it's better when we see each other in person but that's not easy and often cost prohibitive. (I should add that we aren't all a group of friends, so it wouldn't be a thing for us all to plan a trip together.) I appreciate the insight.
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We live abroad, so all of my old friends live across the ocean. I text using WhatsApp, use a video chat app called Glide and use FaceTime. I speak to my best friend once or twice a week on FaceTime while he's getting ready in the morning and it's the middle of the afternoon for me. I've found that you just have to keep reaching out and putting in effort, otherwise it's easy to let frindships slip.
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Texting often helps. My best friend lives a 5 hour flight away. We text several times a week if not daily. Basically anything I would want to tell her I just tell her in the moment. We talk about new beauty products, kid stuff, husband stresses, text during TV shows, etc. I agree that it is hard when time passes and there's almost too much to say so it's easier to say nothing. So, don't let a lot of time pass
Also wondering if you guys are in the same stages of life? My best friend had her first baby 2 years after I did. It's definitely true that the first 2 years where I was a mom and she wasn't were hard. We didn't have as much in common and I think she felt bad contacting me too much like she thought I was too busy, and I felt bad talking too much about kid stuff and I don't know - we just didn't talk as much. After she had her first it just opened a whole new level of intimacy in our friendship. She realized how hard it is and apologized she wasn't there for me more (even though I fully understood that she wouldn't know until she had one of her own and I was OK with it).
And it's not easy but we try to see each other 2-3 times a year. I go there 1-2 times for sure, we try to plan a destination trip, and she might come to me once. It is hard but she's too important to me to lose. We've been through too much. So even those two years where we didn't talk as much I still saw her 3 times, I'd say. Because when we see each other it's like no time has passed.
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My best friend lives 3+ hours away, we try to see each other 6 times a year when possible. I make the drive up there a couple times a year and spend the weekend at her house or her family lives back here so she comes back often. Luckily, we've been friends so long we are both part of each other's family so me stopping to visit at her parent's house or even her grandparent's house isn't weird so we make it work! We talk in a group text every day and have a weekly phone call on our way home from work to catch up without the kids
There have been times that we've gone longer without talking, but we are always able to pick back up where we left off.
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I've had a lot of practice with this being a military kid, though I'm still not the best at it! I find things like Skype and FaceTime help a lot. Plus, doing silly things like SnapChat or having a fun facebook messenger convo with gifs and stickers make it feel like I'm laughing right with them and having a good ol' time. Sometimes (with certain friends) I even get to play online games with them through Steam or what not, while we voice chat.
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