For background, I have always found my father in law to be rude, unkind, sexist, and generally awful to be around. I have attempted to put up with his rudeness for the past decade to keep the peace. He was not interested in parenting his own children - thankfully they had an amazing mother who continues to be an amazing mother in law and grandmother. He is a generally intolerable person.

On thanksgiving, we had an incident with him and my 26 month old daughter. She was in the kitchen and attempting to 'help' him cook. He got irritated with her reaching for a dirty spoon, and loudly screamed at her to get away, get out, and to quit f-ing bugging him. When asked, he just said that nothing had happened. This is absolutely unacceptable to us. We do not, at any point, scream at our daughter. The very few times we've really raised our voice, we've apologized and reflected on what we can do to change the situation and to change our response to normal toddler willful behavior. We aren't ok with anyone screaming at our daughter.

I do not know how to move on from the situation. My FIL feels like the wronged party because I told him that he was not permitted to speak to her like that. I've put up with a decade of his rudeness, and I'm not eager to continue now that he's stepped over the line so thoroughly. My daughter spends two days a week with my MIL, and she loves grandma very, very much. That is the relationship I am most concerned about impacting. Also, MIL is absolutely with us on this issue, but I'm not sure how much she'll go against her husband, here. And I don't want to make it about taking sides.

I am at a loss. My FIL is not willing to engage with her any differently. He has no desire (and really, why would he?) to examine his response to her and to try to do differently. He has no desire for a relationship with me, his son or granddaughter, so I have no carrot to hold out. My concerned with is protecting my daughter's relationship with her grandmother - and I'm not really sure how to do that while also protecting her from people that I consider harmful.