How do you make NEW friends as an adult? I have a lot of old friends, but none of them live nearby. How do you bridge the gap from being acquaintances to friends?
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I recently relocated across the country and I found this to be SOO difficult. The only true friends that I have now (almost two years after we moved!!) are other "Mommy" friends that I met at a workout class. It helped that our kids clicked. Other than that, I have NOOO idea.
I would love to join a book club or something like that, but the library ones are during the day, and I have a feeling children under the age of three aren't invited. -
Most of my new friends are mommies who have LO's that are close in age to my kids. I just met a new friend at work who has a son 6 months younger than mine. We chatted here and there in the break room but nothing more than that. A few weeks ago, she mentioned that she needed to buy her son some clothes and I offered to give her some of my son's hand me downs (which she was thrilled about). Ever since then, we've become friends who hang out outside of work!
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Good question. I am wondering the same thing!
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Most of my friends I've made since moving here are mommy friends from work! Also mommies I have met at the playground.
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This was really tough for me when I moved. I made "work friends" but I rarely saw them out of work. Since S was born I joined a Mommy group and now I am making "mommy friends" that is pretty awesome!
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I really wish I was better at this! I have found that somehow having repeated, consistent interactions with people is key for me-- so going to the library at the same time each week I started to get to know the librarian and we are planning to grab lunch together. MWF Seeks BFF was a cute book about this very thing and she had a bunch of good tactics and I didn't feel so alone in my quest!
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I moved cross country a few years ago and it was SOOO hard meeting new friends. I have met some but most of my closest friends are still the ones from college. I actually joined a women's organization to meet people. Turns out... others were doing the same! So I have met some of my "new" friends that way.
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I kinda just don't. I'm lazy and I'm an introvert.
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I pretty much have no friends... I mean I have so many acquaintances that I met through our church group - they're similarly aged and most of them also just started having babies. But like you I have been able to bridge the gap between friendliness and becoming friends.
I tried checking out meetup.com but there were no groups in my area.
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@Mrs. Pen: same:(
It's so awkward as an adult. Kids are so free & uninhibited
now I just feel creepy if I walk up to someone and in like "hey, I have the same phone case! Lets be friends".Plus obviously you want to factor in parenthood, work & home life and it's like..."will this persons schedule fit in with mine.."
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Schedules with kid(s) make it soooo different now.
I think sports and clubs are a biggie. Neighbours are big for us for "newer" friends. I would say work too, but just such a fine line. My office is really cliquey and I don't want in the clique, but I do really love a few of the girls that are "in" but of course their loyalty lies in the clique so trust can only go so far.
Mom friends with babies of common age are definitely important, but sometimes I find aside from having LOs we don't have a ton in common beyond them! Not a bad thing, but just not always a reason to be friends as silly/awful as that sounded typing out.
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It's hard. I struggle with this and I don't have many friends. I think you have to be persistent and give it time. Start asking then to lunch or coffee or to go shopping. Keep inviting them to do things, if you guys click, the friendship will grow over time. My DH had a coworker and was always asking my DH out to do things. My DH wasn't all that interested at first in making new friends but they started hanging out more and more and they found they have a lot in common. Now they are good friends. The guy was persistent and kept asking my DH to do stuff.
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I think I just meet people through work. Spend more and more time chatting at work, realise we get on well and start doing things outside of work. I make new friends on a relatively regular basis. DH is the opposite, he says it takes him ages to make friends and his friends are those from high school and uni where you are forced into meeting people. Bless!
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@Mrs. Pen: Same
I also can't seem to find the time to try to make a friend. I usually don't mind but it would be nice to have a friend to talk to and do things with on occasion.
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I met a new mommy friend at the swimming class I enrolled DS in. Other than that, my new adult friends are from work.
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You'll probably find that those people you have clicked with but have not yet bridged the gap into being friends are also wondering the same thing! Start up a conversation about something random next time you see them and then say "hey, we should get coffee some time!" And then actually do it! Be the one to text first! Be the one to arrange that coffee!! I've made friends at every workplace I've ever worked at and many of these relationships lave lasted until the present day....
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The only new friends I've made since being out of school have been people at work. It's hard when you're an adult!
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I've been trying to do a lot more friend-making recently! It is my goal for this spring sctuslly. Maybe I'll write a post on the subject? Thanks for the idea!!
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Most of the friends I've made in my 30s have been through some kind of 'shared experience'... ie I go out and do activities that make me happy and meet other women and it grows from there. I was really into the local salsa scene for a while and have a tons of friends from that, or more recently from the gym! I met a couple of women in a boot camp class and we've hung out since then and become friends. Work is another good one although that's kind of a crapshoot (and it depends on the industry and that 'boundaries' thing... ). Once I have LO i am going to be seeking out new moms, although randomly I have 5 pregnant local friends right now so may not need to!
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@Cole: I was totally going to mention MWF Seeking BFF-- it was really cute, plus it made me feel less alone and weird about worrying about finding new friends.
I have a decent number of friends that were acquaintances in college, or the girlfriends/wives of DH's friends (his college friends are all still really tight, where mine have scattered, geographically, so it's harder). It's hard to take that from the level of 'hanging out when we all get together in a group' to 'making plans just to two or three of us'. I have one good friend from work where we hang out outside of work sometimes, but to be honest, it wouldn't have happened if she didn't push it, I would have been too lame too.
Like @Cherrybee: said, i think a lot of people are in the same boat, so I try to push myself to take the first step and have been moderately successful. I'm hoping to make some local mom friends once LO gets here, especially in my new neighborhood when we move!
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Nearly friendless person in Florida, here!
When I moved to Indiana I met DH and became friends with some of his friends, and some through work. Then we moved to FL. I have one running friend I met on weddingbee actually, and a few CASUAL friends from my sorority alum chapter. Besides them, I have become friends-by-association with a few of my husband's best friends from work's wives, and I generally like them. But I do miss having GOOD friends like, hang out and watch a movie or call them crying about something friends, in my area. I hope I'll make some good friends post-baby with other moms!!!! That's a few of my mom's best friends, that she met through us kids! FX!
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I moved countries for DH and found myself with no friends that weren't his friends wifes or girlfriends. Even then not REALLY friends. I used to make friends through work, but I only have two coworkers so that's a dead end.
What helped is...
1. We got a dog. I was out of the house a few times a day with an adorable conversation starter.
2. I got pregnant and assaulted any other pregnant lady I saw on the street. I found that making friends for my LO to play with made me drop the awkwardness of approaching people looking for friendship.
3. Just recently. I've been getting together with other moms from HB.That said its taken three years and I'm not totally thrilled with my social situation, it's definitely a work in progress.
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@TurtleDoves: LOL, that doesn't work.
I think if you said that as an adult, the person might think you are crazy. Why is she looking at my iphone case.. We just moved to a new neighborhood and I am at a new job, so I am working on this too. I started a book club in our neighborhood, so I'm meeting people that way. I'm also trying to meet some of the other parents at LOs daycare. I figure I'll eventually make some work friends.
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My new friends have pretty much all been mommy friends. I also met a couple of good friends through volunteering before I had LO. I've also met friends randomly by having a dog and when I was going to pilates every day. I think it's pretty hard to make friends if you're not working!
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Thanks for all the support and suggestions guys! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that struggles with this!
@Mrs. Sketchbook I'd love to see that blog post and I'm sure other bees would too!
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The only really new person in my social circle that didn't marry or was a coworker is another mama I met via my doula on Facebook. We go walking once a week with our kiddos and I'm trying really hard to cultivate a real friendship out of it.
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It probably helps that I'm an extrovert. We moved to a new part of the country 3 years ago. I meet friends:
1) at work
2) neighbors- Our across the street neighbors became some of our very best friends (even though we don't live across the street anymore!)
3) baby classes
4) our child's school
5) our realtor
6) one special online friend who I managed to bridge the gap to good couple friends with Potential friends are everywhere you just have to follow through on the spark!
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We moved 3 years ago and I do have some friends now. It was very lonely at first. One good friend I met at my first job here. Pretty much all my other friends are neighbours. We are all similarly aged and all our husbands work for the same company. They all have babies though so sometimes I don't fit in.
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I think the key is finding something you like to do/a place you like to go and doing it/going there regularly. I've moved every year for the past five years (!), and this is basically the only way I have found to make friends. So for example, if you like to cook, take a cooking class, or if you like going to the beach/park, hang out there (if you can take a toddler, you'll make friends every time you go!). If your LO is really little, it will likely take more time. I didn't start taking LO on non-essential outings other than walks until 9 mos or so, but once we started going to parks, etc, we quickly met people (I am also now well-acquainted with the local park rangers!). It's a numbers game--the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find a friend. But getting out to meet people is hard during the first year, so just give yourself time!
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Church! I went through RCIA and made some wonderful friends!
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It's hard!! I'm looking forward to having a baby so I can meet new mommies (I mean that's not WHY I want a baby haha), but until I get pregnant, I feel very much in an in between phase... Not really in the same place as my single friends but don't have a lo yet!
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It's seriously so hard! Sure I have friends but now we are all at such different life stages and don't have the same interests in common =/ I wish I could make mommy friends!! DH has friends and he always goes places and hangs out with them. I get lonely.
now I just feel creepy if I walk up to someone and in like "hey, I have the same phone case! Lets be friends".Reply
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