Manager bees, do you have any personal relationships with your employees outside of work? Where do you draw your lines with employees?
(I really despise management, if I could have a career where I could have all the things I have without management, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat!)
papaya / 10560 posts
I don't...or try not to. On occasion--if a large group is going out and invites me, I might go with another co-administrator. Very rare through as I don't want to do anything that could cause a potential conflict of interest. As a former boss once told me, once you get into upper management, there is a line that you cross over and there's no going back.
pomelo / 5298 posts
@matador84: Agreed, that's where I try to stay too. Do you ever finding yourself office-friend'ing your employees? Maybe you have a lot in common? Sharing more than normal about your personal life? Maybe similar family situations (kids the same ages)?
papaya / 10560 posts
@MamaG: I guess it is hard to say. I have a great working relationship with all my coworkers--everyone in my field (education), really tries to get to know one another and we have a few events per year where all staff is invited so it isn't exclusive with just a few/some coworkers. A lot of my coworkers do have children same/around age as mine and or they are around my age too. A couple regularly go out and do invite me and while I always decline, I appreciate the offer--I just can't put myself in that position.
kiwi / 573 posts
I work in an office (like @matador84: in education, too) where there are no lines between managers and employees. 4 managers, 25 or so employees and varying levels of relationships. We are a really young office so I think that's why, but I hate it and do my best to have zero involvement. It drives me crazy. Our boss two levels up (above us all) is very "mix with your own level" which I agree with, but no one follows. There was a time I did bite in because I was trying to improve others opinions of me (they all probably thought I was some self involved b....) but it felt like high school, so I am out again and continue to not care and be last in the loop on anything going on.
papaya / 10560 posts
@sunnyday: I have come to enjoy ignorance is bliss!! 10 years+ ago I really was more interested in "being in the know" in the gossip circles, now I just show up, do my job, leave and don't even care about the gossip circles!
kiwi / 573 posts
@matador84: Yep, totally with you. I was asked to be one of said managers and turned down for a variety of reasons, I could not imagine. I am glad I am able to just rock at my job, and come and go, I so can't handle all other stuff that comes with the crossed lines.
pomelo / 5298 posts
@sunnyday: @matador84: I'm not in the education environment (boo!). Are you in district administration? Just curious on what would be office environment.
papaya / 10560 posts
@MamaG: I'm in school admin--supervising
60ish teachers/support staff.
pomelo / 5866 posts
A couple of times various VPs crossed lines and came to hang with me on a personal level. It was easier when the VP was doing a neutral- everyone invited, let's go surfing- thing. Also when it was an admin that used to be a teacher alongside us for years...that felt normal to hang out. Another VP changed positions midstream and it felt normal also but he eventually moved even higher up and it felt slightly awkward but I still appreciate the relationship. I have lots of outside friends I went to college with who moved to 'upper' admin at their own schools and so I feel like their equal no matter what. I don't expect them to share gossip with me but I really do like having that connection with all people in our school so it feels like a true community rather than a hierarchy.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
One of my office mentors and friends became one of my first level supervisors (she was one of two, and then I have two second level supervisors above that). It was sorta difficult the first year because she couldn't figure out that line so it felt frenetic at times when she would have her boss hat on and when she had her friend hat. At some point I had to sorta drop hints to the second level super we are both closer with about it because I really do believe that once you're management the personal aspect has to come second to the job. I think he talked to her because things firmed up a bit more after a while and now we are still super friendly but we have a little more of a line that we both respect. It just gives employees so much more clarity.
pomelo / 5573 posts
Not really outside of work but I would say that I have a personal relationship with my employee - I'm out on mat leave now and I've been emailing him just to chat and stay involved in his life. I only have one employee, though, so I think it's important for our working relationship to also have a personal one.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
In my current job I don't really have personal relationships with my employees. Mostly that's because they're much younger (straight out of college) so there isn't a huge amount of common ground there, but also I do prefer to draw a line between personal ad professional relationships. However, in my former job, when my staff was closer in age and interests to me, I was more friendly personally with them. There was still a clear line that I was their manager, but we would talk a lot more on personal things because we had that common ground.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I was pretty close on a personal level with my last boss (I was a manager, he was a director). But it wasn't just us; he was pretty close with all the girls. We would go to his house, we've gone to funerals/weddings, we've give each other rides (now that I think back, probably not a great idea!). I had left the job before our company got sold and he ended up becoming VP and I heard from my ex co-workers that he did become more private and less buddy-buddy.
I was pretty close to the two girls I managed; but I also knew them before I was promoted.
Right now I'm in upper management (title-wise) except I don't actually manage anyone...
persimmon / 1367 posts
I've always been very particular about this. For a variety of reasons, I've often been the same age or younger than most of the people I've supervised for the past 10-ish years. I made the decision very early on that I would remain private/professional with staff I oversee and not socialize with them. Some others in my position/field have not done the same, and it has worked out very poorly for most of them. It has been difficult at times, because my professional peer group is small, but I think it has been worth it.
apricot / 483 posts
I have as little personal connection with my staff as I possibly can. Small talk - sure. Weather's great, doing anything fun this weekend, etc. But I don't want them knowing that much about me and I really don't have the energy to keep up with their personal lives as well as work (I manage 7 ppl). We're just too busy.
And there has been some drama in this department where I really don't want them knowing too much about me. I've been called a lot of things when people were either termed or left on their own accord, I'd rather them not know too much about me, my kids, my husband, my residence. I'm probably paranoid, but I err on the side of caution.
grapefruit / 4466 posts
No, not really. I prefer to keep a separation, just to avoid conflicts of interest. Some people who work for me have come and asked for advice on very personal things, though. I think it's mostly because they tend to be in their early 20s and I'm a bit older but not so much older that I'm close to their parents' age or something, just the right age to be both approachable but seem experienced. It's pretty uncomfortable, but I do try to be sympathetic.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
I tried to keep my personal life and work apart even before I was in management, so it's not a huge change. I chat with a few people about personal stuff, but can't imagine friending anyone on Facebook and go out of my way to avoid after-work bar gatherings. It feels like a good balance for the most part. I'm still working out how to keep my distance but also make sure I'm not making people feel like just a number though... a couple of people in upper management are really good at that, so trying to learn from them.
pea / 20 posts
I'm not a manager, but I am a boss. If my employees friend me on Facebook, I accept them, but I don't seek them out. We sometimes plan office wide activities, but usually the staff does their own thing together. It's tough, because I feel like the odd one out, but at the same time--I'm their boss, not their friend.
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