Hellobee Boards

have you checked out the site chorewars?

http://www.chorewars.com/

mr. bee and i have been doing it to keep chores fun. you can turn it into a competition and maybe have rewards for each other (massage, etc.). and you could get x points for working.

I'm currently home with our infant daughter, while my husband commutes to work, full-time. During her morning naps, I will usually rest, and do something relaxing for myself (i.e. check emails, nap, enjoy a cup of coffee, read HB, etc). During her afternoon nap, I will clean house, throw in some laundry, and prep dinner. When my husband comes home, he helps with the baby, and finishes up dinner. We split clean-up and baby duties.

If I were home all day without our child, I would take over 100% of the chores, and would totally expect for DH to do the same. I work in education, and on holidays and vacations, I took care of the great majority of household duties, since otherwise, I would have been just straight chilling all day.

Perhaps you could prioritize a few chores that are most important, and leave them on a sticky note for DH? That way, he could finish up the necessities, and still have a little time to kick back.

I've been furloughed for the past week and so basically in your DH's shoes. I've relaxed some -- slept in, watched some daytime TV, etc-- but I also tried to make sure a few things got done every day like laundry, unloading the dishwasher and putting away the clean dishes, vacuuming, general picking up and maintenance, and cooking so there was something nice to eat when DH got home. I don't think these types of things are too much to ask. Tackling cleaning out the garage single-handedly (for example) might not be fair, but he should definitely do *something*. Maybe you guys can make a reasonable list of things that need to get done and he can choose a couple each day?

There was one day a few years ago when DH had the day off and I didn't. I wasn't expecting a deep clean of the house (because relaxing is good too). But when I came home and the dishwasher wasn't even unloaded, I went bat-s$&# psycho on him. I was so angry. Now when he has the day off he asks what needs to be done (which is code for "what is the minimum I have to do to keep the peace"). It's a good system.

I guess I'd be one of those folks not expecting too much at first. Mr. Jacks was laid off all summer and had the nanny. I expected a really clean house, but it never materialized. He did cook dinner more and tackled a big garage project, so I held my tongue.

I think the most important word is expectations... just sit down and ask him if it's possible to do anything 'productive' when he's home instead of assuming he'll take the initiative? Then like others have said, you guys can come up with some tasks together that you both think are reasonable so nobody is surprised.

@Corduroy: I would talk to him. I know my DH would be the type to sit at home in a dirty house and play video games. I've found that it helps to talk about it and give him a list of things I would like him to help with around the house.

I think I'd personally probably not say anything at first and let him have the first day just totally off to do whatever he wanted to do and also just to see if he'd do anything himself without being asked (and if he does, specifically make a point of thanking him and telling him how nice it is to come home to that being done).

If he doesn't do anything, the night before I'd just say "hey since you're home tomorrow do you think you could clean up?"

But that's just what would work for us. My husband is pretty good about cleaning on his own anyways, and he also hates when I sit him down to talk about expectations/assume he won't do things because he says it makes him feel like a child. He'd much rather I just ask for what I want without "making it a big deal."

Dh was laid off during the recession and was home for six months. He played a lot of video games and no dishwasher emptying. He was really depressed about not working and I was pissed to come home to a messy house. Those were dark days for us..

How much housework does DH do typically? If he doesn't really do much cleaning, it would be hard to expect him to suddenly do household chores.

However, I think it would be fair to ask him to do a few things a day. Is he a list kind of guy? Does he like being told what to do?

My husband was home alone for a short-term period of time and the clean house, cooking, and clean laundry never materialized. {He did however make sure the iPad was never lonely.}

Eventually we talked about it and the conclusion was that he prefered to be told what I expected/needed. Apparently he didn't mind doing any of those things, but it just never dawned on him to do them.