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@Maysprout: I do like deeply thinking about these things! You made some good points. I was talking about this to my co-worker just now and it's pretty much a slippery slope! We agreed on this - It's hard to make everything "fair".
@JoyfulKiwi: They are caring for themselves!
They are recovering from being over worked! Yeah it's nothing more than a vacation... but a really long vacation. Most people can't take more than 2 weeks at a time... but maternity leave is like 2-3 months long usually... I think is what the writer was getting at... she wants 3+ months off like she sees moms getting.
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If this lady needed time to self reflect she could take a vacation or quit her job. Maternity leave is meant for recovering from major trauma to your body and bonding with your baby. Playing off the word maternity leave ticks me off. Maternity leave is nothing like what she wants time for.
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I think there's a lot of points rolled into one at play. For sure this is a high level of having zero clue about being a parent. She probably hasn't even spent more than a couple hours with kids. Anyway I can appreciate the point she makes about women with kids having more flexibility then those that don't. I work in an environment where people work a lot of hours. If someone leaves early to be at home for their kids people are understanding. Yet if someone who doesn't have kids to leave for personal reasons, not saying it's to have drinks with friends, gets scolded. It's definitely different set of standards. I don't believe that having kids means your time outside of work is more valuable than someone who doesn't just on that basis alone. Everyone deserves the same level of flexibility. But to take it to a point of needing maternity leave... Is too much.
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I get that not everyone wants to have kids and it is a personal choice. But I don't get this mentality that having kids is purely selfish and essentially a personal hobby. Parenting is a contribution to society. This mindset just baffles me.
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I think the title of the article was definitely made to get people talking (which it clearly is!) and to sell her book, but I think she made some valid points.
Everyone does need to create their own work/life balance and part of that needs to be your responsibility. I remember there being a a similar point in Lean In. Basically that single people need to have the ability to take guilt-free time away from work to go out and meet people because how else are they able to find someone to eventually start a family with.
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Best response to this nitwit:
http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2016/04/me-ternity-leave-is-not-same-as.html?m=1
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@Portboston: haha too funny.
Add me to the "this is idiotic" group. I'm not even going to start on why.
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@jedeve: This, 100%. It's this mindset, that parents are just totally selfish people for having kids altogether, that is the reason why we don't have paid parental leave or other benefits. Other countries get this, that children are good for our society, but our country is so far behind on this. And articles/books like this one don't help! Shame on Meghann Foye.
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I agree that the perspective and argument are completely flawed, but has the woman never heard of a sabbatical? Isn't that basically what she's arguing for?
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I hope she eventually has kids and takes a maternity leave. "Just you wait."
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"Bottom line: Women are bad at putting ourselves first. But when you have a child, you learn how to self-advocate to put the needs of your family first"
Really woman? Yes, I've become an advocate to putting my FAMILY first....not MYSELF. I can barely take a few showers a week, let alone take care of myself. Ugh....this woman is an idiot.
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I didn't read the whole thing and think the title just sounds like click bait. That said, in the US, not only is maternity/paternity leave limited/non-existent, people get very, very little vacation leave compared to the industrialized world as well, and often there's an implicit rule that you can't take what you get. Countries with more generous parental leave polices have much more generous vacation leave as well.
Spending all your time in the office w/o a break has a way of making people lose perspective. Maybe people without kids would be less resentful of what little maternity leave exists if they had more of a chance to get out of the office every once in awhile...I think as long as overworked people are pitted against each other - my time out of the office is more worthy than yours (regardless of how valid this claim may be) - there's no way to make much progress on these issues. It's a work-life balance cultural issue that goes beyond kids, to caring for elderly parents, or just having a chance to keep work in perspective.
I have a childless friend who wants an extra top up of her retirement account because she never took the paid family leave that her employer offers. I doubt she'll get it, but I don't think it's an unreasonable point, since she did work more than others without any sort of extra compensation.
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I had a strong reaction to this article as well (that's putting it mildly).
It was a terrible comparison for her to make when she clearly has no knowledge of what she is comparing it to.
This was a mere ploy to sell more books that is looking to not be working in her favor ... just read the reviews of her "book" on Amazon. -
@ValentineMommy: That line put it over the top for me. I kept thinking... Did you just hear what you said?? You just clearly contradicted yourself!! ARGH!!
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It made me rage. If this lady ever has kids, she'll feel reaaaaally stupid.
They are recovering from being over worked! Yeah it's nothing more than a vacation... but a really long vacation. Most people can't take more than 2 weeks at a time... but maternity leave is like 2-3 months long usually... I think is what the writer was getting at... she wants 3+ months off like she sees moms getting.
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