Hellobee Boards

It's not unfair, it's a different set of beliefs.

@hilsy85: Agreed.

As long as your kids are taught to be respectful of others' beliefs your ILs really have no right to tell your kids what to do.

My SMIL insists we pray/say grace at meals, even though mealtime appears to be the only time she is religious. When we eat with her and her daughter/grand-kids, they all say grace, including the kids. My husband and I don’t (atheist), although we take part in holding hands with everyone and being quiet for the moment. We will not tell LO she needs to take part in the prayer, outside of holding hands and being respectful. It’s never been an issue thus far.

This has also been the case with other relatives, and none of them expected LO or us to say a prayer.

I grew up Christian, but not Catholic. We always said grace, but we did a free-style grace. When I went to other people's homes they often said a recited prayer all together. I am just saying, my situation wasn't really that different - I just kind of sat there respectfully and quietly with my hands crossed, or held hands, or I would close my eyes, or bow my head. I would never recite a prayer I didn't know, and even though my family was Christian, we never recited prayers in unison. Even practicing folks have different ways, so no big deal to sit respectfully and just look down etc.

@TemperanceBrennan: What your husband wanted to say is exactly what I would have said! I think MIL was out of line. It shouldn't be a big deal to say that some people do not pray but your family does in a matter-of-fact tone. If the child presses for more, change the subject and let his parents handle it.

@TemperanceBrennan: I was raised Catholic and said grace before dinner. My cousins were baptized Catholic but never went to church. It didn't bother me that my cousins didn't say grace. If we were saying grace beyond the typical memorized prayer some of the non-participants might add things they are generally thankful for or happy about - like Thanksgiving. I was too busy being jealous that my cousins didn't have to go to church on Sunday to care if they prayed before dinner.

It's a confusing issue when family wants to hide the fact that not everyone shares their beliefs. My family is like that. I'm not allowed to tell my little brother and sister (13 and 15) that DH and I are atheists. I think my sister must know, since she follows me on Pinterest and I pin things that would make it clear, but I'm not sure. They never ask questions, so it's not an issue. I think they may have been told not to ask, because they're normally very inquisitive kids. I figure it'll all come out when LO is here, because we *will* be setting ground rules for trying to indoctrinate our children. And it will be pretty obvious we have very different parenting values.

Way off topic, sorry! All that to say, it's just not your problem. If they want to make it awkward by being weird about it, there's nothing you can do. I wouldn't lie to the kids, but up until a certain age (18 at the latest, but younger depending on the family is better) the parents do have the say so on what their children are told. Worst case you can just tell them to ask their parents because you've been asked not to talk to them about it. That's what I would do if my siblings asked. I don't like it, but I also don't want them to go against my wishes with my kids, so I figure it's the right thing to do.

Also, side note, I don't close my eyes and rarely bow my head during prayers. I'm just quiet, which is all I'll ask of LO. I'll explain what's going on, and she can decide for herself if she wants to more actively participate. Or if she's interested but not overly so, I might suggest we do some sort of thanks before meals that aren't religious.

Sorry for the novel!

I kinda doubt the kids would be that upset that yours don't have to pray! It's a ten second prayer. I think "different people have different beliefs" is something fine to tell them.