Was talking with crazydoglady, and we noticed there have been a lot of mental load/emotional load posts and related themes in other posts lately. Just thought I'd start a mental-load-positive thread to give and get inspiration on what to NOT take on 
You might also enjoy...
-
Here's what I do not do at our house:
1. Gifts for husband's side of the family (which is huge and very close-knit)
2. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, communicating about vacations, booking travel, etc for his side of the family. If we are going to see them I approve or reject his travel proposals.
3. Bills. I don't deal with any of our bill-paying, husband has most set up to auto-pay and is on top of the entire thing.
4. Cell phone plans, media subscriptions. I don't research these things or pay for them or set up the accounts or deal with them at all. If I think something's unnecessary I suggest we cancel and sometimes that works, but mostly I don't think about it.
5. Kid dentist appointments (he used to do doctor too but it's fallen more on me since I've had mat leaves and more time off).
6. When we bought our house this year, he researched all the mortgage information and hired the lawyer and managed the inspection and kept me abreast of everything.
7. Home improvements of mechanical/safety nature (I take on home improvements that are aesthetic). -
@LCTBQE: Glad you made this!
Since I have been on mat leave, I've noticed more and more stuff creeping onto my proverbial plate, but these things have remained constant:
1. I don't shop for DH's clothes, take stock in what he needs, is running out of etc.
2. I don't make medical appointments for him (aside from the vasectomy because, ya know, I am not getting the snip snip.)
3. I generally don't meal plan, cook, get lunches ready for the next day or do most grocery shopping (we have it delivered which is AMAZING.)
4. He does the yard work (though I am the one to call the gardener if he gets behind.)
5. He is responsible for logitiscs and planning of seeing his family.I want to add more to this list, but it's a start.
-
1. I do not deal with money. DH is responsible for all the bill paying, investing, managing the budget, etc. That's not to say that I spend blindly. We talk about money decisions and larger purchases or vacations, but ultimately, DH deals with all the finances.
2. Driving. For all intents and purposes, I've not really driven since high school, which is going on 20 years at this point. We own a car now, but I had never owned one as an adult before. I'm terrified to get behind the wheel these days, and we live in a country where people drive on the left. Luckily, DH is a very calm and steady driver and is ok to take on all the driving responsibilities, especially for road trips.
3. Dealing with unpleasant people. On the very rare occasion we've had an issue with people, DH deals with it.
4. Playing with the LOs. I spend a lot more time with our LOs than DH does, but I don't really "play" with them, although we "do" plenty of things together.
5. Killing bugs. I know it's cliché, but it is what it is.@LCTBQE: your number 7. Haha. Same here.
-
I really like this too!
1. Be the primary breadwinner. I was able to quit a very stressful job I didn’t enjoy earlier this year and take one I really like. This included a $5,000 paycut.
2. Do DH’s laundry.
3. Shop for any of DH’s clothes/take stock of what he needs.
4. Prep food for DH Monday-Wednesday. He’s not home for dinner these nights. I’ll usually leave the food out and then he puts it together.
5. Manage finances. I do all the shopping (I’m not a big spender), and he manages all of our bills, investments, etc. This is also his job, as a financial advisor. I include cell phones, mortgages, etc. in this.
6. Clean the gutters. I actually leave when he does this because it terrifies me.
7. Manage our investment property. Aside from picking up rent occasionally and showing it when it’s vacant, he does everything else. It’s very low maintenance (tenants do yard work, shoveling, minor repairs), so not a huge haul.
8. Most home repairs. I identify the problems 99% of the time, and he fixes them. It’s a toss who calls a repair guy when needed.
9. Being the communicator for family events on his side. We do a a few big things with his extended family and if it’s organzied by his grandparents or parents generation I leave that up to him. It probably makes me look bad since he’s not great at managing it...I do manage things within his immediate family. If it’s something with the cousins though I communicate with the wives.
10. Deciding what big purchases we can make. Things like vacations, home improvement, etc. -
1) I don't plan gifts for his family. In fairness, they really don't do gifts, so it's not like he actually does it, but I don't either.
2) I don't communicate plans to his family, and I thumbs up-thumbs down plans involving them.
3) I don't manage appliance purchases. I give him a budget since I manage money, but he ultimately researches and decides what to buy.
4) I don't manage his clothing
5) I don't do math homework with our daughter. Common Core math is completely beyond me and he completely gets it. Same with computers (he's a computer guy so I'm OK leaving that teaching to him.)
6) I don't cook Indian food (he's Indian and our deal was that any Indian cuisine will live with him, since I do all of our cooking).
7) I don't handle any technology in the house (again, computer guy) -
-My husband is the primary breadwinner (only, at the moment)
-He manages our cell phones (they are through his work plan)
-He is the dentist guy for the kids- he schedules their appointments and takes them.
-Since I had the third baby he does the kitchen clean up every night
-Since I had the third baby he gets up with the big kids in the morning, gets the fire going, makes coffee, and feeds the big kids before he leaves for work
-We heat with wood- he stacks it and makes sure there is enough wood brought inside
-He mostly manages gifts for his side of the family, and organizes any get together with them
-Since I had the baby he has taken over care of the chickens, too.
-Fixing stuff around the house
-We share lawn mowing, but he weed whacks.
ETA: he works a lot, and when I'm working its only 1 day a week, so this arrangement is one we've mostly agreed on. He's a big help when he's home, but most of the mental labor stuff is on me. I don't even mind most of it (I like shopping for the kids clothes, Christmas gifts, etc. adn I can admittedly be a bit of a control freak)- the struggle for me is that so little of this is ever recognized or acknowledged as true contributions to the household (Because a lot of it isn't always visible).
That said, mostly we have a pretty good partnership and I've accepted more of the home/kid labor as "my job" since I chose to stay home with them. If/when I increase my work hours it will be a struggle to find a new balance, I suspect. -
- Groceries (see below, since he does the cooking)
- Cooking (all meals, plus lunches for school for 2 kids)
- Most of the laundry
- Changing bedding
- House/yard maintenance
- Car maintenance
- Feeding our dogHe also just wrapped all the gifts b/c I'm terrible at it
-
- Finances/paying bills
- Dealing with cell phone and cable company (I do tackle the internet company)
- House maintenance and updates (DH is currently finishing our basement)
- Car maintenance (other than scheduling an oil change for my van when needed)
- Outside chores: lawn mowing/snow shoveling
- Feeding the dogs
- Putting meat in our freezer (DH will raise or buy a full cow/hog and process the meat himself)
- His and my SD's dentist and doctor appointments
- Dealing with SD's mom and her child support
- 50-75% of groceries each month
- Garbage
- Home and car insurance -
I would say the only things he really does that don't are the following:
Outdoor stuff (mowing, pulling weeds, raking leaves, Christmas lights)
Laundry
Managing our internet/cableOtherwise, pretty much everything falls on me with the usual me keeping track of everything and asking him to help out.
And yes, we did just have a huge fight about this and he's working on it.
-
For things related to the household or LO, our model is pretty much that I have default responsibility but DH is good about doing things when I ask. When he's home, he is engaged in taking care of LO. I have to travel 1, sometimes 2, days for work most months, and he takes care of everything while I'm away. I think this is very useful for making him aware of everything I do on a daily basis and knowing he doesn't take it for granted. I know most people advocate dividing up jobs and having each person be responsible for a set of things, but this model is working for us for now. I am taking on a disproportionate share, in large part because DH started a new and stressful job two weeks before LO was born. We've talked at various points about this not being the situation we want permanently, and I can envision the situation in the future being different depending on DH's job responsibilities.
I for the most part do not take on things related to his own personal care - scheduling his medical appointments, packing his lunch, buying his clothes, stuff related to his family, cashing his checks, paying bills addressed to him, putting away his laundry (I do wash it because it's with our stuff). He's pretty disorganized/focused on other things - so I'm sometimes a bit horrified by what falls through the cracks - but I try to resist the urge to just take care of this stuff, because really it's not my responsibility.
-
We split a lot of things. So it's hard for me to make a list.
Bill paying: he pays mortgage, home/auto insurance (it's at the same place, so it's one bill), utilities, some kid classes like dance, his own CC, and any big unexpected expenses. We don't have a car payment, but he buys cash and researches that type of stuff. And he manages his own retirement investments and non-retirement investments. And contributions to the 529s, and he researches that stuff by himself and just runs it by me.
Then I pay our part time sitter, groceries, stuff for the kids, my own CC, my student loan, I manage my own retirement stuff related to my job.
He definitely manages more house repair stuff, but we live in a condo so there's no real outdoor stuff, and maintenance is pretty sporadic.
I'm the primary point person for school communication, but I wouldn't call my husband totally uninvolved --he's on both teacher's class email list and sometimes responds or gives feedback himself, but 75% of the time I manage the school stuff.
-He is 100% in charge of his own laundry. I've never touched a load of his stuff, and never ironed a shirt for him, and probably never will.
-He is 50% responsible for the kids' laundry. Our sitter does it about 30% of the time. I do it about 20% of the time.
-He is 50% responsible for cleaning the house.
-He is 100% responsible for breakfast for himself and the kids in our house--shopping for, preparing, feeding, cleaning up. It's all him. I leave for work at 6:45 am, so I am totally uninvolved in that.
-He is responsible with for communication/gifts for his own family.
-
I don't do laundry---Nanny does our sons 1-2x a week, husband washes, folds, and puts ours away.
I don't do his truck maintenance. (I change my oil and have my tires rotated or take it to my dad and rotate my own tires in his shop) Husband takes care of anything for his truck.
I don't do elevated exterior maintenance i.e. gutters, chimney, christmas lights. We're both afraid of heights, but he puts the big girl panties on, where I can't :P. We both mow, I take care of my flowers, and he weedeats.
I don't take care of his uniform dry cleaning.
I feel like there is more that I am missing, but not sure what.
-
1. Handles all tech related issues and maintenance. Including cable/internet and cell phone plans.
2. Lawn care. Though I do things like plant flowers and weeding.
3. Grocery shops and assists with meal planning a little more than half the time.
4. Home maintenance as needed. He either DIY’s or calls heating/cooling company. I make appointments for all other repairs.
5. His own laundry a majority of the time and sometimes mine.
6. Makes his own medical/dental appointments.
7. Taking more ownership of his closet and buying new clothing when needed.Honestly I feel like a lot of this is the minimum because it leaves a lot more on my plate when I work more hours outside of the house.
-
My husband travels a lot for work, so there is nothing that I can completely hand over to him, with the exception of autopay for bills. I honestly don't mind at all though, I mean, if I want to swim in the pool, I have to check the chemicals. If the car needs servicing while he's away, I have to take it there...no big deal.
I do have my parents in town though, so when my husband is away and the lawn needs cutting, my dad steps in and handles it.
-
1. All of his personal maintenance. Buying clothes, medical/dental appointments, personal scheduling, maintenance for his car
2. All dishes
3. All finances, including bills, mortgage, insurance, investments
4. Media subscriptions
5. Making breakfast and lunches for himself and the kids
6. School pick-up, although we are pretty flexible about this
7. Responsible for birthdays, mother's/father's day for his family. We share Christmas responsibilities
8. All outdoor maintenance. Mowing, mulching, raking, shoveling
9. Home repairs. Either DIY or researching and scheduling a contractor
10. Bath and Bedtime for one of our childrenThen there are many duties that we share pretty equally, sometimes with reminders from me. Scheduling kid appointments, cleaning the house, scheduling extra-curriculars, homework, gifts for the kids, etc.
-
I feel like my DH does a very good share of stuff.
-he does his laundry both at home and dry cleaner stuff
-his clothes/shoes/maintenance stuff
-he pays the bills
-he shops for cheaper ins or better rates or whatever
-he washes the dishes
-he cooks his meals when he doesn't eat what the family eats
-he has the lawn mowed
-he takes out the trash and recycling
-he deals with internet and tv stuff...
-he does all of his own appts and prescriptions
-his hair cuts and ds too
-he does morning drop offs unless he is out of town for work
-he picks and buys the gifts for his family (bdays and Christmas) he does sometimes ask for my input and I have to do the wrapping
-minor home repairs or changes he either does or he hires someone to do it (we are getting our house ready to move.. so we need to recarpet and re paint.. dh is taking care of all that)
-he communicates with his parents.. and usually has to set up baby sitting for weddings/Christmas parties/etc with them bc they are our sitter -
This is a great thread! Here's my list of almost never dos:
1. Dinner. He does meal planning, grocery list making, and cooking of dinner.
2. Laundry. I do the occasional load of laundry when there is something I really want and it is off his cycle, but for the most part I do not deal with any part of the laundry.
3. Functional home repairs. For the most part, when something breaks or there is something structural that needs to be done with the house, he does it. (I deal with/don't deal with the aesthetics of our house.)
4. Deal with his family. He buys gifts, coordinates visits, deals with his mother's difficult personality.
5. His personal care. It wouldn't occur to me to schedule anything for him. I do sometimes try to buy him clothes when he says he needs them because I know he finds it incredibly painful to purchase anything. But lately he has not been appreciative of my help in this area, so I have made clear that I am going to stop.
6. Put out trash/recycling/compost. I almost never bring these items to the curb, but I do take them from the house to the can when I notice it needs doing.
7. Make sure the bathrooms are stocked with toilet paper. Not a big thing, but I almost never have to go to the basement to get more toilet paper and I appreciate that.
8. Make the Costco list. He is very on top of keeping a running list of things we need to get at Costco (we only go about once a month).
9. Elementary school pick up. I've only picked up a handful of times since our daughter started K.
10. Plan social events. He is a social butterfly, so most of our social plans flow through him. I occasionally start planning something but then will pass it off to him as soon as I inevitably get overwhelmed.
11. Get sitters. 9 times out of 10 he will get the sitter when we are going out. Probably related to his commitment to number 10!We split a lot of things and on some of those he carries more weight than I do. He deals a lot more with elementary school issues than I do. We both pick up around the house, we both clean up after dinner, we both think about what activities the kids should be involved in and will research as needed, we both pack lunches although he is probably lead on this.
I do breakfast most of the time, schedule doctor and dentist appointments, buy virtually everything that is needed other than groceries (including all gifts other than for his family), deal with 99% of daycare-related things since the daycare is in my office building. I fear that I am going to be in charge of deciding on summer activities for the kindergartner.
Neither of us really do deep cleaning, but I manage the house cleaner and do more light, maintenance cleaning.
-
My DH is an amazing husband and father
These include but are not limited to:1) Home repairs and maintenance, including HVAC repairs.
2) Lawn and yard care.
3.) Maintenance on both of our vehicles
4.) Quick grocery stops on his way home from work. (We usually use Instacart as both he and I work and I also tend to the children).
5) Being the primary breadwinner [and he has allowed me to take a 6 month hiatus from teaching to focus on family and fertility as we are still trying for our #3.
]
6) Being our GRILL KING ... If I prep it, he will cook anything on the grill.
7) Fixes our tv/internet/"techie items" ... It is his fault our home is so automated. 🤣DH really is an all-around great guy.
-
Well this thread makes me realize how much I do.
Husband does 100% of the following:
1. Yard work
2. Home repair
3. Take the dog to the vet
4. His laundry
5. Takes trash and recycling to the curbEverything else is either split or I do the majority. He does work a shift schedule so it’s bard to split everything equally.
-
@Mamatimes3: My husband works 3rds so that's why my list is definitely shorter than what it could/has been when he's worked 1sts.
-
I don’t do:
1) scheduling his appointments
2) his laundry
3) his breakfasts/lunches
4) lawn maintenance (we pay people, but he handles it)
5) some bills—electric, gas, car payment, phones, internet. They’re mostly automated, but he manages that.
6) gifts for his family
7) remembering/taking trash and recycling out on trash day
8) allocating our money. We have joint accounts and separate accounts, and he takes care of taking our combined paychecks and making sure it goes where it needs to.
9) buying his clothesMy list seems similar to a lot here. It does make me laugh a little, though, because I feel like a lot of things would never need to be said vice versa. Like a husband wouldn’t even need to clarify that he doesn’t buy gifts for his wife’s family because of course not...
-
I never vacuum or deal with the cat litter. I rarely do laundry. I probably change the sheets and clean the bathroom about 50% of the time. I make dinner about 15% of the time, but I always make breakfast. I almost never take out the trash.
I stopped processing bills and handed that off when our oldest was born. I also stopped waking up my husband and made him set an alarm.
Since the twins were born I handed off lunch prep for the 4yo. I handle some diaper changes before nursing sessions but ask him to do the rest.
-
@LCTBQE:
I do no food shopping, food prep, or cooking. Essentially everything else is split (car appointments, drop offs/pick ups, scheduling trips and doctor’s appointments, cleaning, planning date nights and getting babysitters lined up, dealing with finances, paying bills, home repairs, etc). -
Things DH Does:
-All car repairs & maintenance
-All home repairs &maintenance, including hiring people.
-Manages relationship with cleaning company
-Purchases gifts for both our dads
-Does majority of daycare pickups and kid full sick days (I do pickup when DD gets sent home sick)
-Garbage, compost, recycling
-Cuts, stacks, hauls wood for our wood stove and keeps a fire burning
-Plows our driveway (I shovel the porch/sidewalk)
-Washes dishes majority of time
-Mows lawn majority of time
-Gets DD dressed and feeds her breakfast on weekdays, packs her backpackThings Neither Of Us Do:
-Weekly grocery shopping. We do grocery pickup and Costco occasionally
-Weeknight family get togethers--DH's family does birthday dinners and impromptu get togethers on weeknights. We decided with 2 FT WOH parents and a young child, it's too disruptive. We need weekend activities and a decent notice, otherwise we simply cannot attend.
-Sweat/stress about a missing mitten, travel mug, hat, etc. We view extras as an investment in our sanity and donate when we're through.
-Wait until the last minute to purchase gifts. Nu uh. I don't need that stress. I look forward and buy gifts early and throughout the year.
-Worry about running out of something. We stock several backups:ketchup, dish soap, Motrin, etc. No desperate must stop store trips.
-Dry cleaning/ironing. I dress business casual and my slacks and blazers launder well.These lists are awesome for ideas and also to just reevaluate and get creative!
ETA: I alsodo not manage DH's medical/dental appointments.
-
I don't:
*wash DH's laundry
*cut the lawn
*drop DD off at preschool (except when I am off of work)
*take primary responsibility for emptying the trash and recyclingMaybe it's just because I am burnt out from being a teacher heading into winter break, but that is all that I was able to come up with, and it is just making me feel more tired.
I need to read over everyone else's list more carefully and see if I can recognize more of the responsibilities that DH does take on, because I am trying to focus on being more appreciative to help with the "mental load grumpies".
-
This is a good thread. My husband travels about 90% of the year, for the last year out of the country
1. Works full time. Is the primary breadwinner. I quit working this year and I can’t minimize the fact that he works tirelessly for our family at great personal sacrifice. He has missed major milestones and it weighs heavily on him
2. Pay (most) most bills. I still pay all
Medical bills and my 2 personal CCs
3. Manage our finances, budget, investments. He runs the numbers with intense excel spreadsheets and has a really close eye on everything, inscluding future forecasts of our finances in a variety of best to worst case scenarios
4. Shreds paper. Ok ok Starting to reach here.
5. Changed smoke detector batteries (i hate that shit
6. Cooks on the weekends
7. Deals with internet, network stuff in the houseBut as our household goes, I’d argue I manage 95% of it (in a purely managerial capacity)
-
Yikes... this thread makes me realize maybe I do too much??? Here's what I don't do...
1. Manage Hub's Dentist/Doctor appointments
2. Clip the kids' nails
3. Do School/Daycare Drop-OffPretty sure I do/manage everything else...
-
LOVE this post. Sometimes I feel like I do ALL THE THINGS, but this made me think and I realized...
I don't:
1) mow the lawn or do general outside maintenance
2) clip the dogs toenails
3) go to the dump
4) do any grocery shopping other than carside pickup service
5) load our outdoor wood boiler (twice daily)
6) most of the driving when we are togetherNot a big list, but hey I guess I don't do all the things. haha
-
I love reading these lists! I'm inspired to turn some more of my husband's family stuff back over to him - and also start asking him to schedule his own doctor/dentist appointments. (Though I'm kind of worried he'll let his teeth fall out if I don't make the appointment...hmm.)
Here are some things he tackles and I don't:
1. Yardwork
2. Grocery shopping (I make a list and he takes care of it on his way home from work once a week)
3. Going to Costco. I hate going to Costco, especially with our kids, and am SO glad there's one near his office. He stops on his way home once or twice a month.
4. Cat litter. He took it over while I was pregnant with our oldest four years ago...and I never got the job back. Yay!
5. Home repairs and routine home maintenance stuff
6. Grilling, and cooking any meat other than chicken.
7. Shoveling snow/clearing driveway/sidewalk/etc.
8. Swim lessons with our kids
9. And I guess the biggie is that he's the main breadwinner. It's given me the flexibility to be home with our kids, and do more flexible freelance work than my prior full time job. I think he'd actually say this is a shared benefit of how we've split the load. We've both benefited tremendously from this change we made a few years ago. -
Ugh, this thread actually makes me want to feel resentful, as I feel like I handle many of these things and bring in more than half of our income. I think maybe I need to have higher expectations. I grew up in a community where men almost universally did very little in the home sphere - so on some level my expectations are low and that matters. DH similarly, though he is much better than his family (his aunts are like "I don't believe you know how to change a diaper" - it is just inconceivable to them that men do anything...)
-
I work 3 days a week and husband works full-time. Things he does that I don't do -
1. schedule his doctor/dentist/haircut etc. appts (although I usually remind him to do it)
2. Take out trash and recycling (although I do it sometimes)
3. Bills are split - he pays probably 60% of them
4. Home repairs/maintenance - changing air filters, calling to get bushes trimmed, etc.
5. Daycare drop off and pick up (80% of the time)
6. Car maintenance/oil change on our minivan (his main car - I handle my car)
7. washes dishes every nightThat's about all I can think of TBH. I do way more in my opinion
-
I think he probably does as much if not more than me? I'm talking about the list of stuff that no one really loves doing. I can't really fault him for not doing the things that I enjoy?! I really like shopping for the kids... I can't really be mad that I have to spend time doing that. I'm also a huge micromanager - so yes, I take the kids to their appointments, but only because I want to be RIGHT THERE and get first hand commentary.
Things he does that I can think of quickly:
- all house stuff and yard work (air filters, leaf blowing, etc)
- all laundry and ironing (although he did recently turn DD's white socks pink...)
- Costco runs (also takes the kids with him so I have a break!)
- researches parenting topics equally
- equal income household
- 50% of cleaning, cooking, dishes
- he desires to go grocery shopping but I don't allow it because he is an impulse food buyer ... though that counts, I suppose?
- buying, monitoring, and installing all paper products in our home
- morning drop off
- all of my parent's house stuff and tech stuff
- bath time
- trash
- dry cleaning
- bug killing (both preventative and ad hoc)
- car maintenance
- gets me gas on Sundays
- deals with the dogs - feeding, nail clipping
- kid haircuts
- 50% (if not more) of taking off for kid illnesses, random pick-ups, days we don't have childcare (though I have to alert him)
- makes coffee in the morning and delivers to meI'm sure there is tons more this is just what I can think of after 1 cup of coffee. I do not feel that I do more than him because I am cognizant of some of the stuff that takes up time (shopping for the kids, etc) is stuff that I ENJOY. Also our kids are dressed far nice [read: more expensively] than he would ever do if he was charged with this task.
#2 in this article - HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book - is how we approach things:
https://lifehacker.com/5-ways-not-to-hate-your-husband-after-kids-1794629282
-
I am really loving this thread. It's kind of half husband appreciation day and half lady-power
I forgot to include that I don't do morning drop off, the lion's share of care for our son since baby girl was born, yard maintenance, and car maintenance. Also I am amazed by how many don't do laundry, grocery shopping, or cooking dinner, that is a huge load off. Although yeah agree with you @MrsSCB: that it's sort of ridiculous that I and a lot of others included stuff that really has no business being on here re men maintaining *themselves* and if the tables were turned would be comical (husband taking on mental load to buy gifts for wife's extended family, husband noticing when wife needs new socks, etc).
-
@LCTBQE: My husband noticed my shoes looked ratty and bought me a new pair as well as got my old ones re-soled as a surprise. I'm not even kidding. We both read "How to not Hate Your Husband After Kids" and I think it made a huge difference.
-
@LBee: have you actually read that book? the summary article you linked is spot on. totally agree that it's refreshing to remind myself that a lot of things I take on, I do so because (even though it's a burden that it HAS to be done) --I actually really enjoy. I know I'm a freak but I love folding laundry, buying their baby clothes is one of my favorite things on earth, when I'm not exhausted I love to cook. And a lot of the things I don't take on, I freaking detest--like dealing with our Verizon cell phone plan/bills, even the sight of their logo annoys me.
-
@LBee: Ah I was writing over you! I'm going to read it. the shoes thing is unheard of!
-
@LCTBQE: Yes - I also give it to new moms. @jape14 recommended it when I was contemplating either murder or divorce (murder felt better because of life insurance, but I digress). My husband also read it.
-
@LCTBQE: Exactly. We ended up taking the tasks, writing them down, and saying who hates this task less or particularly loves it. Like I love grocery shopping with my son but hate taking our daughter (sorry, DD). Now on Sundays I take him while she naps. My husband gets a break and I get quality time with my big boy - which is something I also realized I desperately yearned for and needed to feel good about, for instance, scheduling and taking him to get his shots.
ETA: We've found a middle ground on a lot. Like I make lunches but on Sundays he preps all the fruit, etc so it's ready to be thrown in there. Once that's done I can do lunches in 2 day increments in about 1 minute. Something that could be presented as a huge load ("I make lunches for my 2 kids every day") is now just an easy no brainer I do while he does bath time.
-
@LBee: that is such a good idea, you and @jape14 are amazing ladies
when we got married I told my husband that we'd never get divorced and the only way out was death, and that frankly it was probably going to have to be his. I'm ordering the book today.
]
I need to read over everyone else's list more carefully and see if I can recognize more of the responsibilities that DH does take on, because I am trying to focus on being more appreciative to help with the "mental load grumpies".
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
50 comments