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I had a friend of a friend document her whole pregnacy, share info on facebook, and then deliver a stillborn. There's just no way to know what could happen. My question is: is it easier to suffer these things in slience? I wonder why it's such a tragedy that people know that she lost a baby at 20 weeks.

Obviously there's a balance to all of these things, but I don't see how not sharing makes it better. I'm sure by the time I'm 12 weeks pregant, I will have shared the news.

My stylist lost her baby at 7 months. I was SO devastated for her.. especially since we were pregnant at the same time.. the little baby's heart just stopped beating. Heartbreaking.

I don't think sharing your pregnancy is the big deal, its having people ask about your pregnancy post miscarriage that is difficult, and therefore to avoid that you might not want to tell people in the first place in case something goes wrong.

If news travels quickly hopefully no one will say something to your friend that will intensify the grieving process, only things that provide support through a difficult time.

I would prefer for everyone to share in my joy and be with me in my grief. I told most people almost immediately. We had been told it would be difficulty for us to conceive and carry our baby from the beginning and I did use progesterone shots to establish the pregnancy. I was almost completely on pins and needles until we really started getting to a viable point around 30 weeks. I figured it would be easier on me if people knew what was going on in case I did lose the baby and needed time or space or just some support.

DH & I have decided that when we do get a BFP we are going to wait until at least 12 weeks to tell anyone. We figure at that point I will be showing and there will be no hiding it. No plans to make a FB announcement or anything though, I'm a very private person. My SIL made a huge fb announcement at 4 weeks, I was shocked, but hey different strokes for different folks!

Wow that is so sad for your friend. I announced mine right away to friends and family not on fb though. I found out I miscarried at 11 weeks but it stopped developing at 8. I had just told my work the week before too. It was hard. But I was happy to have all the support from my close friends and family. I couldn't have imagined going through that with out them. I would have preferred not everyone at the office knowing. Only my boss knew I was pregnant, but somehow the news spread.

On the other hand, my mom couldn't keep the news to herself and told everyone. I told her to keep it on the down low, but she was so excited. She even had told her housekeeper which I called later on to hire. She asked about the baby and then things got awkward... I had to have a talk with my mom for the next time, and she is definitely keeping her mouth shut and letting me decide who to share the news with.

I think next time around I will probably just tell immediate family and very close friends right away.

Whatever you do, don't tell your friend, 'things happen for a reason.' That's not what she wants to hear. There are many things you can do though to recognize her child. Going public is therapeutic in many ways -- she clearly wants the support if she's talking about it. One site I recently found was created by a woman who had a stillbirth. She takes name requests and writes the child's name in the sand. You can then send her money to get the high res photo. I just did this for my son: http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2011/10/samuel-bradford-stambaugh.html. Did she name the baby? If so, this might be a nice gift for her, when she's ready.

Your friend's news is so heartbreaking. We told our parents at 10 weeks but I didn't tell my friends until 14 weeks...I did, however, post on FB in my status (I can't even remember what I wrote) that I was pregnant but that's it. No ultrasound pictures, no belly pictures, nothing.

There's pros and cons to announcing your pregnancy on a public forum. I don't think there's a right or wrong. If people want to post it, they should-- whenever they want to. Some people are private while others are not. When I was pregnant (lost it at 12 weeks), I didn't tell many people except close friends and family. And I def did not put it on facebook- I personally don't like posting tons of personal, personal things on there... anyway, when we did end up losing the baby, it was good to have the support. But some of it wasn't always good support because they might say things like "there's a reason for it." of course in the back of your mind you know that everything happens for a reason but you don't want someone (especially if they have never gone through a loss) to say that to you. I remember a friend of mine (who was good intentioned and was trying to empathize with me) was trying to comfort me by comparing my loss to her loss of her dream job opportunity. that made me livid-- especially too since she was not married and never had kids. I think it's best to just listen and just "be there" by asking how they are doing and letting them know you are there for them... so sorry for your friend's loss...