I haven't posted in a long time, but for those that don't "know" me, here's a quick back story...

I had multiple miscarriages before giving birth to my son. I had miscarriages in my 1st and 2nd trimesters and eventually became numb to the whole process. So much so that I didn't really connect with my pregnancy until 26 weeks or so, which looking back, I think I blocked it until I thought there would be a chance of viability.

Right around my sons first birthday, I had another miscarriage. We weren't TTC, but we weren't preventing either. I am breast feeding and still have not had AF.

I"m pretty sure I'm pregnant. I took a pregnancy test a couple weeks ago and it was negative, but now I'm getting the same symptoms I had when I was pregnant with my son. (montgomery tubercles popped up today, which I never had ever, but that one pregnancy)

I can't POAS. I want to, but I'm terrified. I am afraid I am pregnant again, and that it will end in tragedy just like all the others. I feel like if I don't know, then it's not happening.

I think I have miscarriage PTSD of sorts. I just can't/don't want to deal with anything surrounding it. I know that I need to do it, because if I am pregnant, there's steps I need to take, but I'm just so terrified