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@junebugmama: Hugs!! No advice but I'll be praying for you.

@junebugmama: You're doing the right thing. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, but hopefully your midwife will be very understanding and will be able to help you to at least get some concrete answers.

By the way, some therapists who deal with postpartum depression might also be very sensitive to what you're going through. It might help to talk to someone who can help you sort through what you're feeling right now.