My sister in law takes her 10 year old into the women's bathroom with her and has him use the stall there. She is a school psych, my brother is a police officer, so granted they have seen some crappy stuff. They claim that this prevent's him from being molested in the boys bathroom. Is this a common practice? Or are they way outside the norm?
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I do not think that is healthy or normal. At 10 years old he should be able to go to into the men's bathroom by himself. They are sheltering him too much in my opinion. They need to realize he's about to hit puberty and needs to know how to do things for himself without mom or dad holding his hand the whole time.
It would be different if he was mentally or physically challenged.
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I don’t know how common (the stats) it is to get assaulted (molested, raped, attacked/ beat up), but we do know it happens. Transgendered kids not feeling safe, men arrested for improper bathroom antics, and just recently a mom shared how she saw a man looking up at her in a bathroom stall. I don’t know if he will ever age out of potentially being a victim of assault or molestation- none of us do really.
Is there a right age for a kid to go to the bathroom alone? I’d say it Depends on the kid (size, maturity to even wash their hands after) and depends on the bathroom (single stall- sure!). At 10 yrs old we would probably let our son go to the bathroom alone, but we are not privy to all the real horrors of the world.
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My DS is 9 and I wait outside the bathroom for him (he uses the mens room) if we are at a rest stop but at a restaurant he goes by himself while I sit at the table but I admit I am nervous the whole time and watching the clock - haha
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First off, my DS is three.
I believe that boys who are in elementary school should be using the men's restroom. For young elementary school students, I can understand using the women's with mom if they are at large events (stadiums with multiple entrances into restrooms, lots of people and easy to get lost, etc). However, by the time they are in middle school, I think that they should be able to use the men's restroom by themselves.
Personally, for DS, I have let him use the men's restrooms by himself (grocery store, restaurant). I have stood outside the door waiting for him. Sometimes, he wants to go with mommy, other times, he insists on going by himself. He may not wash his hands and then I drag him into the women's, but he prefers urinals already.
Overall, safety stats are lower now than they were when we were kids. The most dangerous times lately were in the 1990s.
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My son is 7, in elementary school and he doesn't go into public restrooms in places like airports, train stations, stadiums alone. Women's or men's room, it doesn't matter to me, he goes accompanied.
I am not so worried that he will be molested, but it's more that I don't think people are inherently good and people do all sorts of inappropriate things in public restrooms and I feel I need to be there to help guide the conversation and questions that come up. I can immediately scan the area and determine if I need to turn around, while my son would just walk right in, oblivious that he might be entering an unsafe environment.
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when I was young my Dad was always a little scared to send me into the women's restroom by myself when we were out and about. As I had (have) recurrent UTI's this was a frequent problem!
So my Dad always stood right outside the door, and I would first walk in and check out the situation:
1) was there another entrance/exit?
2)was there a line? (how many people)
3) was there anything strange/bad (needles on the floor, lights out, someone hanging around for no reason, etc.)Then I'd come out and give a quick report and go back in.
I think this was important because it taught me to be aware of my surroundings, what I should be aware of and to listen to my instinct if something seemed off.
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I've already started to let my 5 year old go into some men's bathrooms alone as I wait outside the door for him, so this wouldn't be the norm for me. I want to teach him to be aware of his surroundings and to be cautious. But making him go to the bathroom with me until he's 10 sounds like building an unhealthy fear.
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I dunno, most places I currently frequent have family bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms in public places that are single stall, so I feel like I could just stand outside for my kid at 10 years old. I like what @jennlin82: dad did with the checks. I might do something like that and also audibly bellow into the bathroom like 'YOU GOOD? MOMMY IS RIGHT HERE IF YOU NEED ANYTHING OKAY?' so people would know I was standing outside.
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I would hope that at 10 my son would be able to go into the bathroom alone. Having said that there isn't one right way to parent and i'm sure like you said they have their reasons for doing this
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@Mrsbells: I agree with this. Everyone parents differently.
It sounds like there may be more than what she is telling you? I wonder if she has had conversations with her son and he just isn't comfortable going on his own?
My 6 year old is starting to become very opinionated about which bathroom he uses. He wants to go to the men's bathroom but he knows if we are somewhere very crowded or busy he needs to go with an adult. If I am the only one around he goes into the women's bathroom with me.
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As a 5th grade teacher (students are around 10-11) , I would think this is bit too old unless it was a really big, crowded restroom, like a pro sports game or something.
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I mean, at a certain point you have to start preparing children to function independently in the adult world so yes, barring physical or mental handicaps I would say this is over the top. I also would not be super comfortable with a 10 year old boy in the restroom with me. I am not a parent yet though, so this is an "outsider's" opinion.
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12 comments