Hellobee Boards

Ugh i am really not looking forward to this stage. One of my biggest peeves is having to repeat myself. If i say something once, it should be enough.

Oh my god. It's really refreshing to hear/read about parents who aren't perfect. I think she hit the nail on the head. You can be an almost perfect parent 90% of the time, and then one day, one thing will just send you off the deep end. This has happened to me more times than I'd like to admit.

Kids push you to your breaking point.

@fairy: yes. My mom yelled. Never often but I was scared of making her mad (also, part of it is my personality, being yelled at really breaks me). But there are days when my 1 year old is whining & whining for no freaking reason & I'll yell "Stop!" & I always feel so bad after doing.

One of my friends posted this a while back on FB and I responded that my JOB is more like this post than my home life, since my LO is only a year.

But yeah, middle schoolers....sometimes they are just one, big F you. Still love my job tho!

@Anagram: hahaha, yes! I teach primary and young kids are te same. I've had a few that I could just read the "F you!" in their faces. Plus, you can't chase anyone or swear! So, I turned to wine at the end of the day

Yikes, no. Never. I really feel for her children, hearing their mom say that she's going to kill one of them? Wow. How scary for them. It sounds like she does a lot of power struggling with her kids - no wonder they rebel.

@JoyfulKiwi: YES! My LO is only 9.5 months old, so not there yet, but my 4-5 year old students. Omg. I really do have a massive amount of patience, but even so, I have my moments. Like today, my kids were not listening (hello, second week of school) and I'd heard my name called a million and a half times, complete with little fingers poking me to get my attention. I looked at my TA and said "I'm going to take a potty break" and then I retreated to the bathroom for a minute of silence.

I like to think that this will help prepare me for when I have older kids. My mom was/is a yeller and I promised myself I wouldn't be like that.

@sarac: @Greentea: I would argue that if this particular morning was note-worthy, something she felt guilty about, and something she clearly ruminated on, that it is likely not a common place event.
I agree that her language was scary, and I'm sure it was an awful experience for her children, but to extrapolate that this one event is indicative of her entire approach to parenting is judgmental and not helpful.

We romanticize motherhood beyond realism. Its gone on for ever, but now it saturates our culture even more thanks to media/ social media and capitalism (there is money to be made in selling shit that makes you a "good mom"). We ALL will have at least one bad, horrible moment. It might not look like this, but it will look like something else. Its easy to tell ourselves that we would NEVER do something like that. My best friend's mother slapped her once. I can say I would never, ever hit my kid. But you know what, if my 15 year old (adopted) daughter said to me "you aren't even my real mom!" in the middle of a fight, I can't promise you that I wouldn't react similarly.
I've worked with abusive mothers before. They don't write about what they do and put it on the internet for everyone to see. They don't talk about it. And quite frankly, I think the lack of HONEST conversation about how difficult parenting can be sets up people to feel isolated and guilty. Sure, there are hilarious anecdotal pieces about how difficult toddlers are or how little sleep you've gotten. But the raw, painful truth about parenthood is rarely discussed. And the reason its rarely discussed is because when people actually speak it, they are shamed for not controlling themselves, scaring their children, and being BAD MOTHERS. Which, if our culture has taught us anything, is the worst thing a woman can be.

I find it humorous that some would critize her for this. Her post is real life. When you get to the point where you have a few kids and they are older and start to rebel you can't stop that. It's going to happen no matter how 'perfect ' you think you will be at parenting. I'm living it and it's totally real what she wrote about.
Seriously, wait until you have more than one child who is older than toddler size and come back and readdress this article. You'll relate on so many levels.
I feel for her. No one is perfect. And I'm sure she's an awesome mom who is simply human.

@Silva: Who wants to admit that they lost their cool and yelled at their kid? I don't. But it totally happens. It doesn't mean I need therapy, or anger management. It means that I'm human. Parenting IS hard. That's why we should not have to feel guilt or shame because we lose it from time to time. If it's an every day, all day, thing. Then I can understand possibly needing some stress management. Otherwise, we are just human and it will happen. Our kids are going to test our boundaries. Maybe not now, maybe they will be angels until they're 16. Maybe they'll be angels until they're 25. But at some point they will push you.

@Silva: not a single thing I said was judgemental. In fact, I assumed she was in a bad mood that particular morning. When we manage our mood we are better able to deal with how hard parenting is. I have no illusions. I said parenting was hard. I think happier people are coping better by managing the difficulty, by managing their mood- not that some people have it easier. This is true for me. By suggesting she manage her mood, I personally find that helpful, because humans react poorly when in a poor mood. Everyone has yelled, we are human, but I personally find myself handling things better when I have an improved mood.

@Greentea: I don't think Silva meant any offence. I think your comment kind of sounds like you're suggesting the article writer needs therapy, or to be more conscious of her moods. It's not always that easy and while she may manage her stress and mood the majority of the time, the point is that, with all that, we can still have a shitty day and snap. That doesn't mean we can't manage our moods or need therapy.

ETA: I'm not trying to stir the pot, I just want to give a little clarity. Whether your comment suggested how I interpreted it or not, that is how I read it. It's no biggie though, we all are entitled to our own thoughts on the matter. I just don't want anyone getting into arguments over wording.

@Greentea: Like @.twist.: said, I really didn't mean to be offensive or defensive I guess I took your comment to suggest that this woman needed therapy because she yelled at her kids once, which to me means you are making assumptions about how she functions on a day to day basis (unless you would go to therapy because you yelled once? I guess I think of therapy as something you engage in to address behavior patterns). It seems to me that even those who are doing all the right things to manage their mood will likely still yell at their kids once in a while.

@Dandelion: hahaha perfect example. One of my cousins said that he loved potty training because each time the kid actually went potty he got a scotch and the day just kept getting easier.

@Dandelion: LOLed at your comment! I'm just starting the get the beginnings of this and it is SO annoying!