Everyone has been urging me to go to mum's groups so, today, I went to one. Well... that wasn't quite how it happened - I went to the local children's centre to have E weighed and the nurse said "the mum's and tot's group is on, there's still half an hour left, why don't you stay?"

She led me into another room and left me at the door with another member of staff, who waved me into the room. There were about 15 mums there playing with little kids. There were two ladies with babies (around E's age) sat in one corner, cradling their babies and talking. The room was strewn with toys. I didn't really know what I was supposed to do! I turned to the girl who had waved me into the room and asked "so what would a 4 month old baby like to do here?". What I really meant was "what do I do now?". She gestured to the corner the two baby mums were sat in (on the floor - there were no chairs) and said "this is the baby area. We also have a sensory room". She then led me into a tiny room with some lights and stuff in. Then she walked away, leaving me there alone. ...

I was frozen with fear. I don't know what came over me, my heart was racing and the sweat was building up on my neck and chest. I gave myself a stern talking to - I was here to join in, not to hide in another room - and I went out to the baby area and sat on the floor, next to the other baby mums. The baby mums carried on chatting and didn't even look at me. I reached for a toy and showed it to E but she didn't show much interest, really.... and nobody made any effort to talk to me or even smile in my direction. I didn't know what I was meant to be doing with E....

I started to feel really upset and felt tears building up behind my eyes. I blinked them back desperately. Then one of the workers called "song time" and all the parents and kids came and sat on the carpet in a circle. I sat with E between my knees. Everyone started singing a song about winding a bobbin, complete with actions. I noticed that the other baby mums had left. I didn't know the song so I couldn't sing along and I started to feel really, really out of place. I took E's hands and tried to copy the actions but i felt so stupid and then I realised that tears were pouring down my face, while I waved a tiny baby's hands around. People were staring at me. I suddenly felt really, really panicked and got up and ran out of the room, holding E. I cried and cried, getting her into her pushchair. I couldn't stop. I've just never felt so stupid and so alone in my entire life.

It was awful. I don't know what's happening to me - Im not normally a nut-job! I won't be going back.....