It's totally weird!! This guy is just a few years younger than our fathers!!!
Got me wondering- anyone here marry someone significantly older (this guy is 20 years older)? Do you know someone who did? What do you think about it?
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My brother's FI/GF/whatever is like 12-13 years older than him. He's 33 and she's in her mid-40s and has an almost 14 year old daughter. Not has huge a gap as 20 years, but still significant, I think.
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Hmm...I met my BIL's friend yesterday who is 30 and dating a guy that is 51. They seem like they are a good couple!
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I don't know anyone like this, but it would be strange for me because my parents are pretty young - my Dad is only 53 bc they had me when they were 21! So even though I know that it's not totally uncommon for a 30-something to marry a 50-something, it makes me think of good old Dad! Haha!
So it wouldn't have ever worked for me, but for those that fall in love with someone significantly older than them - I totally understand that you can't help who you fall in love with and things like that may not matter at all to them. I could never see one of my friends dating my Dad though - but I guess that's my own mental block!
I have been watching "Couples Therapy" on VH1 (pathetic, I know, but it's always on at the gym and I will plug my headphones in while I do the elliptical!), and Courtney and Doug definitely kind of weird me out - not even really because of their age difference, per se, but more because they have an OBVIOUS difference in maturity levels. I think if she was more mature it would be fine, but it always blows my mind because she acts like a child, and he's such a Dad figure.
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My SILs are older than my MIL. She married FIL when she was 24 and he was 53. Their relationship didn't last long - about 7 years - and is still toxic. DH's relationship with his siblings has been weird because of it.
I suppose there are some May December relationships that work, but this one was a disaster. Good luck to your friend.
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my friend is dating someone who is 16 years older then her! and it use to be her dad's friend. weird....
@jholler: omg i watched taht once, what is with that courtney girl?!?!? shes dresses like a 90's stripper who's 16! lol. -
@PrincessBaby: The two of them seriously creep me out.
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@stargal: @zippylef: I cannot see their relationship lasting! I mean, they really are super creepy!!! She is especially ridiculous! Yesterday I heard her tell the psychiatrist that she has "saved many lives" by being an advocate for self-expression, ie dressing the way she does! You know, because wearing 10 inch clear plastic heels and no clothes totally saves peoples' lives!!! Total nutcase!
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So she's 20 and he's 40?
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DH is almost 20 years older than me! (But I'm in my upper-20s, so he's not twice my age). It isn't weird to me at all because I have always been into older men, but I can see where it would be weird for other people. I definitely think there is an evolutionary component as to why it happens so often (women seek out a partner that is stable/can provide for them and men want to spread their seed).
I think it was a little strange for my friends at first because a few years is the biggest age gap amongst any of them, but now I think they see how happy we are together and that we just "fit." Like @princessbaby said, we couldn't really help falling in love with one another, and age was always just a number to us.
It also helps that my parents are in their 60s, so I never compared it to dating my dad. I think it would have been much more difficult for me if he was close to/the same age as my parents.
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@lawbee11: I hope I didn't offend you by comparing dating someone older to dating my Dad! It really is just different to me because my Dad is so young! I am glad that you and your DH are happy and that age IS just a number for you!
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I know of a May December relationship that is genuine and wonderful. Rare, yes, and it was weird to us at first, but it is a very lovely marriage.
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My older sister's husband is about 11 years old than her, which really sin't that big of a gap, but it's enough that he is closer to my parents' age than our youngest sister. But my older sister was almost mid 30s when they got married, so it wasn't a big deal.
DH is 2 days older than me, so its not exactly scandalous.
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@PrincessBaby: No, not at all! We joke about that all the time. Luckily no one has actually ever asked us if he's my dad!
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My husband is 16 years older than me; we've been together for over 6 years now. I don't think its weird or a big deal when both people are adults going into the relationships - especially when both people are over 25 and self sufficient with somewhat equal life experiences. Honestly, I was never interested in dating guys my age. Too much immaturity across the board, haha. My husband and I have just "fit" from day 1 - and everyone we know supports our relationship. My parents were in their 30's when they had me; so they are not anywhere near to my husband's age.
I do worry sometimes about much younger women with much older men (or vice versa) because often there is an unequal balance of power in those relationships. You have someone with very little life experience and someone with a lot of life experience. I think, in a lot of May-December relationships where one party is very young (like, under 20 especially) there is a dynamic of power and control.
Doug and Courtney are fame-whores and of course won't work out - she's a teenager; maybe 1 in a million teens are ready to a lifetime commitment. Considering the way she behaves; she isn't that 1 in a million mature teen.
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I have a good friend who is 27 and her baby daddy is 55!!!
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I have a family member who is married to a man the same age as her parents!
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DH's good friend recently married an older guy. He has a kid who's pretty much our age, just a few years younger. How weird for her, her step mom is just a couple years older than her. We don't really know him because he doesn't hang out with us, if she hangs out it's always solo. We assume it's because he doesn't have much in common with us due to age......
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@mrbee: yup. 22 and 42
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I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 29. I had just turned 18 a few days before. I think you should live and let live.
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I'm Asian living in a pretty homogeneous county with relatively few immigrants. There are other Asians here but more often then not, they're from the motherland and married to someone older. By older I mean much older -- 30+ years older! I've never seen this before and still find it kind of shocking. It makes interaction very difficult because not only do we not have much in common, it would be really uncomfortable for my DH to hang out with guys that are older than his dad!
On the other hand, my grandfather had recently remarried a much, much younger woman. The whole family was shocked. It totally didn't work out, which was expected. He's heartbroken now, but he really should have known ...
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I do agree that most times age is just a number! I do have a friend who is dating a guy that is almost 25 years older than her. They have been together for almost 6 years now, they seem very happy.
My only concern in this instance is, he has children from a previous marriage, one who is only a couple of years younger than her. Before he came along she wanted to eventually get married and have children. He does not want to start over with the raising children and marriage portion of a relationship. She has just accepted this and seemingly changed her views on children. My worry is she is conforming to what he desires in the relationship...I just don't want her to wake up one day and realize the time (child bearing years) has now passed her by.
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@lolabee: aw that is hard!!!
@lawbee11: oh wow!!! that's so interesting
no judgment here- I just admit it's weird to see a girl my age (my friend) dating someone just a few years younger than my dad.This happened to my DH - his uncle married a lady younger than HIM!! hahah it's totally weird for DH that his aunt is 1-2 years younger.
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An old friend of mine married a guy when she was 19...he was 38. He started buying her expensive jewelry and a new range rover only a few months into their relationship, which I thought was odd. They've been married 7 years.
The reason why I stopped being friends with her is because she was their nanny, the dad cheated on his wife with my friend and his marriage was done with. She started referring to herself as mommy before they got married.
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My BFF's mom was 30 years younger than her dad. Her dad's in his 80s now, and she has half-siblings old enough to be her parents. Sadly her mom died if cancer a few years ago, but they always seemed happy together.
And my uncle married a woman 20 years younger. He used to be her Sunday School teacher (and she was in the same SS class as my older brothers). She's only a few years older than his daughters. It's kind of weird because she's the spitting image of his ex-wife. They seem happy now, but it was rough for several years...his daughters weren't okay with having a stepmom their age, he waited until after the wedding to decide he didn't want anymore kids....but my cousin just had a baby so she gets to love on a baby now, lol.
ETA: And a friend married a guy 17 years older than her...she filed for divorce after only a few months. That guy was a serious creep, though.
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My husband is 51 and I am 27...so I definitely am who you're talking about. My DH and I have an amazing marriage but it certainly has its own issues that a younger marriage would not. Both our families support us and even our pastor in marriage counseling said we were better than most couples he had seen. DH has two daughters, one who is older than me and just had a child. So I'm a grandma lol. I get that it may seem weird to others but love is love no matter your age.
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@Coco Bee: I totally understand. I was really self-conscious when DH and I started dating because I was worried about what my friends would think. But, they were nothing but supportive and never questioned me (even though I am sure they thought it was weird). Now they say they can't imagine me with anyone my age!
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My mum and dad were 28 years apart. They were married 23 years (would still be together but my dad passed away). My daddy was older than my mum's parents! To me it isn't strange since I grew up in that environment. They were soul mates
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When my grandma (mid 60's) got remarried to a guy who is in his early 80's it is kinda creepy because he was the one to dedicate her when she was a baby.
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@lawbee11: I totally get it. My dad, when I first told him, said well I always knew you needed someone as mature as you...I just don't think he thought someone his own age, lol. My friends have really come to love DH just as much as I do and I too, don't think they would be able to see me with someone else now.
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@HeatherlovesKenny: I am appalled by that! Uh! How skankalicious of both the guy and "the nanny" !
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DH is 16 years older than me, we started dating when I was 19 and he was 35. We've been together almost 13 years
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Mr jacks is 11 years younger than me... But we're perfect for each other. I try not to get too hung up on the numbers. It's more about whether two peoples' personalities are right for each other. I have a relative who second married someone decades younger than him. They seem dearly happy, though I'm not thrilled with the way the relationship came about. Years later I can overlook that.
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@TurtleDoves: ugh, yes! It wouldn't have been a huge deal if a) she didn't work for him b) he ended his marriage before hooking up with her.
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Hmm, My uncle's fiance is my age, but that's only an 11 year gap.
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My Sil is 20 years younger than her husband. He is closer to her Dad's age than hers. Looking at them, you never would question it. They're perfect together. It's not creepy at all.
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DH is 16 years older then I am. He is 39 and I am 23. We are perfect for each other and it's not weird at all.
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@HeatherlovesKenny: oh my goodness!! that is sincerely awful. Wow. I could never live with myself if I did that...
@Mrs. Jacks: oh yes I knew that
I know several couples IRL who are about 10 years apart. But honestly until now the couples 20 years apart was only something I saw on TV.
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@Mrs.B: I had no idea you were the same age as me!! I imagined you much older.
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My husbands mom is 55 and marrying someone 27. Me and her finally have 1 thing in common, we will be married to people in their late 20's.
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