Coming from a small family, I always dreamed about having a big family with lots of kids running around, big family holiday get-togethers, family vacations, etc. Right now, I have a 3 y/o son and an 8 m/o daughter. I loved being pregnant and had two easy pregnancies and deliveries. I always knew I wanted a third (or more!), but agreed to wait and see how we felt once number two arrived. I definitely don’t have that feeling of being “done” that so many people talk about; even though we have one of each so everyone tells us “oh great, now you can be done!”. Despite re-living the exhaustion of the newborn phase, and the complete chaos that is life with two, my heart still feels compelled to have another.
However, the logical part of my brain is telling me to think long and hard: two kids in daycare is expensive; kindergarten is not that far off for my first, but do we want to extend that cost with a third? Would I just stay home at that point? Either way, money would be a factor – not to mention financing three kids’ college degrees, needing to buy a bigger car, family vacations for three. I feel like we would find a way to make it work, but no doubt things would be tighter.
Time is another issue: my husband and I barely have time to connect as is and are both so exhausted at the end of the day. I don’t have much “me” time. In fact, I’m just now getting to the point where I can squeeze in a workout occasionally or get out for a girls night every so often; I know having a third would probably make those things impossible at least for a few years.
Between both working, our time with the kids is sacred. As my husband says “why do you want another kid? We barely spend time with the ones we have.” While I see his point, the time we spend with them is quality time, and if I could stay home that would be a moot point.
One more thing I consider is how my current kids would feel about expanding our family, primarily my son. He is an introvert and extremely attached to me; the adjustment to having a sibling wasn’t easy at first, although it’s better now that the baby can interact more and he is more independent. He does like to make her laugh, which is so heartwarming, but he also does occasionally get jealous for my attention. How would he do with another sibling? The baby is shaping up to be more of a social butterfly who loves watching her brother and other kids and I think it would be nice for her to have another sibling. I also think either way it would be great for one of them to have a sibling of the same sex. I always just had a brother, and I dreamed of having a sister for the longest time.
My husband is not really inclined to have a third, but he knows I want one and has indicated that he would maybe be open to trying if it’s what I really want; but tends to more remind me of all the “down sides” of a third and I think he’s trying to convince me not to go for it.
What do you guys think? What would you do in my situation?