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@Arden: I'm going to be in so much trouble once he is school age. Even now I just can't handle some of the comments about boys/girls/etc. or Dads & daughters. BARFFF!
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My husband doesn't really care about anyone else's boobs. Just like I don't really care about rock hard shoulders and a six pack... or whatever men are supposedly jealous of.
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@scg00387:
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I completely agree with previous posters! She seems very insecure, as many of us are, but it's the lack of responsibility for the viewer that gets me.
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Growing up with a conservative christian background - the clothes I wore were strictly monitored with a lot of rules and I remember hearing over and over again that women need to be modest and protect their brothers in Christ. And to that I say bull. I have never, ever agreed with this logic - that somehow: A. men are incapable of controlling their thoughts and feelings and it's on all of us women to help them. B. it is such a sexist notion that I can't even...
So with that, I leave you with this.
http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.XiKtjezJ.uxfs -
@Mrs. Pen: Same background, same conclusion. Exactly my thoughts.
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I think this is batshit crazy for many reasons which have already been listed.
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This makes me sad for her. I married a total boob guy, he loves boobs, and I'm a B cup
He always looks and comments, it use to bother me but not anymore. I've been super fit, and super flabby and squishy, but I never felt insecure enough to blame other women. Even when he crossed the line I didn't feel insecure. That poor woman, I hope she isn't teaching her children those thoughts.
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I agree with most of the comments here!
But I'm curious, does anyone read this blog regularly? She mentioned "fighting for her marriage" - does she just mean in this regards, or I wonder if something has happened in the past to make her so insecure? I know a couple where the man cheated on his girlfriend and my god, the rules she imposed once they got back together!!! They are married now and its still a MAJOR obstacle in their relationship. I just wonder if maybe she's coming from that kind of place? I'm too lazy to read her archives! -
I think it's sad. I can relate to the part about being insecure about how she looks in a bikini. I think most women can, actually. And I guess I should add the disclaimer that my dh doesn't really do social media..he's just never been into putting life into a computer. But it's never really even crossed my mind that someone's vacation pictures would be an issue for us. So I feel honestly, not saying this in a snobby way, sad for her.
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@Ms.Pumpkin: THIS.
Gah. There's definitely girls (and guys) on facebook who post pics that just scream "look at meeeee!!" but we (dh and I) take these douchey people with a grain of salt.
I understand that people have their religious reasons for modesty, but I hate when they project their beliefs onto everyone else in the world. And the idea that men are like, blathering idiots who's eyes bug out like a cartoon character at the sight of a mere bare shoulder...I can't. I'm finding it hard to put my feelings into words.
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Wow this is just so sad.
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To be fair, she lost me at "I have white babies and brown babies, yar, my life so CRAZY!" What a tool.
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My husband literally posted an instagram of me at the beach the other day and jokingly tagged it "boobs." (Hey, they looked great!)
I agree with previous posters on most points. I could not disagree more with this article. Her insecurities are the problem in her marriage, not bikini pics on facebook.
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Her marriage insecurities are obvious but I don't care about that. That's their thing to work out.
What pisses me off is that the blame automatically goes to the women instead of the men who are ogling them. Just because a woman has a good body or is showing some skin doesn't mean that men should have the right to view them as sex objects. IMO, it's just one step away from "Look what she was wearing, she WANTED to get raped." And it's disgraceful.
This woman doesn't need to write an open letter to other women. She needs to work this out privately with her husband.
Women need to stop blaming other women for their husbands' and/or sons' actions and instead raise their boys to respect women, no matter what they wear. And even then, men are still going to notice attractive women. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. We all notice attractive men, no?
There's been a big trend of these kind of stories lately and they infuriate me.
This one is from last summer and the writer, a mother, shames Target for hanging lingerie signs where her son can see them as well as a girl for wearing a tank top in summer. THE HORROR. http://timewarpwife.com/?p=115
Then there was the girl who was kicked out of her prom for wearing a dress (even though it met every parameter of the school's dress code) because some fathers thought she was too sexy. http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/05/13/3437464/teen-girl-prom-impure-thoughts/
And then the Utah high school that Photoshopped yearbook photos so that the girls weren't showing dirty dirty shoulders and clavicles. http://feministing.com/2014/05/29/utah-high-school-photoshops-female-students-yearbook-photos-to-show-less-skin/
Things are getting worse and worse. And it's got to stop.
And sorry this got so long. This is a hot-button issue with me and I tend to rant.
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@night cheese: yes!! I wonder why the blame is placed on the women. It is definitely getting ridiculous.
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Anyone else think it's weird that this guy has so many facebook/instagram friends posting pics in bikinis that this is even an issue?
Obviously a huge part of the issue is her and her insecurities. But at the same time, I feel like her husband must make her feel incredibly crappy. I have nowhere near a bikini in public body. Yet my husband is very clear about how much he loves my body. He doesn't seem to see the same imperfections that I do. And his appreciation of the way anyone else looks in no way takes away from his attraction to me or love for me. Just like I can look at a guy with 6 pack abs and have a passing thought that he's hot and still manage to love and want my husband.
I guess ultimately I just have to feel bad for her.
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Agree with you ladies!! This woman sounds so insecure, it's so sad. And I definitely agree that this kind of attitude of holding women responsible for men's thoughts and actions is horrible and needs to change!
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WTH. She wants to police people completely out of her care, custody and control because she fears her husband whom is ogling them? This is just wrong. Her fears and insecurities are majorly displaced.
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This blog post makes me so sad. It made me think of something I saw on Facebook. Yesterday, a friend of mine posted pictures of herself from a family outing and she was in a bikini. I was SO PROUD of her for posting pictures of herself in a bikini because I know she is body conscious. So, what happens to my friend now when she reads this blog post? She thinks again that she is doing something wrong.
So, to my friend and everyone who read this and maybe thought, "Oh man, I feel bad now" don't. You are beautiful. Keep posting those beautiful pictures of yourself in a bikini, a bathing suit, shorts and a tank top, whatever you feel comfortable in. Love yourself. Don't worry about someone who has some insecurities they are trying to push on other people.
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@night cheese: @mediagirl: this and this!!
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@Silva: Agreed! I remember being irritated when reading this before and it's just as sad and annoying that she feels this way.
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I'm really sad for her. I'm sad that she is so insecure, that something has happened to make her feel this way. I'm angry that she is placing the blame for her insecurities on what other women choose to wear and how that affects her husband.
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I'm going to give this girl the benefit of the doubt. This seems to me closer to a personal vent than a structured article. Sure, it's posted on the internet for all to see, but people post many rants online, even right here on Hellobee, and we don't immediately start judging them and their entire relationship based on one post.
That said, I don't agree with what she's written.
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The few paragraphs I skimmed of this were cringworthy. I hope she can turn some of this energy into building up her self-esteem and working on her marriage.
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She seems insecure in her marriage. If you don't want to see it on social media, don't be friends with that person on fb or follow them on instagram. Not that hard.
We went to a group dinner the other night and a girl with very perky boobs rocked a dress with a good deal of side boob showing. She sat right next to my husband and the next day he was saying how he was trying to be a gentleman and not look but it was right there in his face! lol. I just laughed at it. Who care's if he saw some girls side boob? I say props to her cuz I'd rock that look too if I was as young as her and had small enough boobs to do so.
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Sounds like someone wanting to blame someone else for her feelings and her husband's thoughts. Better solution for her than expecting people to stop posting bikini pics is for her to just stop her Facebook account. Then she and her husband won't see any pictures. Problem solved.
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I agree with others that this makes me sad for her. I read a couple of her other blog posts and she seems to be insecure in most areas of her life (marriage, blogging, motherhood).
My DH isn't on social media, but I'm totally fine with him oogling an attractive woman, just like he's fine with me oogling Alexander Skarsgard
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Agree with PPs. This post makes me sad to realize that there are grown woman who think like her and let their insecurities overrun their marriages.
He always looks and comments, it use to bother me but not anymore. I've been super fit, and super flabby and squishy, but I never felt insecure enough to blame other women. Even when he crossed the line I didn't feel insecure. That poor woman, I hope she isn't teaching her children those thoughts.
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