Hellobee Boards

@LivsMama: @winniebee: I am trying to set boundaries. It gets hard because they have a family farm, and DH works for them on weekends. For DH, it's home, and he doesn't get how hard it is for me. DH got cut from his teaching job this year, so right now I can't refuse to go, since it is a source of income. But I am trying to set boundaries while we are there, and I'm getting out of the house when I can so I can have some alone time or mommy-son play time without others around. And next weekend DS and I aren't going there until Saturday night, which is only because I'm running in a race Sunday, so MIL/SIL can watch him while I race.

@mrs. wagon: my stepmom (who's like my mom) called DS "her baby" while I was pregnant as she was introducing me to some friends who were over for a party. I quickly said "my baby!" and that was that. She is much more respectful of my role as mommy though, so I don't have beef with her!

@mrsjyw: @Rubies: There are no names for family members that sound like mama or mommy. We should figure something out, since DS has three grandmas and 2 grandpas, but I figure that we'll let DS call them what he wants. I didn't have nicknames for my grandparents - Grandma Lynn and Helen (grandma made her feel old, lol).

@sorrycharlie: It is so hard. I try to be understanding of my inlaws that they are just so excited and happy to have DS in their lives, and that he is their first grandchild. At least I know that I've paved the way for my SIL, so hopefully it will be easier for her. It makes it hard for me to want to be around them that much though, and it's exhausting and mentally rough to constantly feel like every thing I do is being watched and critiqued when we are there. I'm really looking forward to this weekend and staying home with DS Fri and Sat.

@blackbird: Every weekend is definitely taking it's toll. I'm surprised DH doesn't see it, or if he does maybe he just doesn't know what to do. He hates to be away from DS, and I try to be understanding of that. But he's also not seeing that I'm not happy. Even though I know my inlaws love me and they love DS, my relationship with them and my insecurities as a mother have been the center of my life for months. It's the focus of my therapy sessions right now. I hate packing and unpacking, I hate not having time on the weekends to clean and tidy my home, I hate that it's August and I haven't made it to the farmer's market in my home town once this entire year!

This weekend I had set our bag by my car because I left my keys in the house. When I came back out 20 minutes later, I didn't see it. I put DS in his carseat and backed up over our stuff! I smashed our sound machine to bits and nearly destroyed my macbook, which thankfully fell out of the way since it was on top. I had to just leave or I was going to have a blowup about having to pack everything every weekend and living out of bags, etc...

Going to therapy has been awesome. I'm learning to keep things in perspective, set boundaries, and figure out what my limits and needs are, so that I can prioritize those. To change what I can about my time at my inlaws, and to listen to myself when I need a break or time away.

I think the hardest thing is that my in-laws don't seem to understand that the weekends are my time with my son too. I work out of the home during the week, so I only get a couple of hours with him each day. So when they take over playing with him, I get pushed aside. And when they give in to his every wish, and I have to set limits with him while we are there, he starts to reach for them over me. It is just getting worse as he gets older. Before he turned one year it didn't make much difference and he always reached for me. But I'm finally strong enough to do what I can to change it and not just suffer in silence and explode at DH later. Which isn't fair to him, regardless.