Hellobee Boards

Hmm, that's pretty awkward. I know in the beginning my brothers were uncomfortable w/me breast feeding in front of them, but I always used a cover and they forgot about it If it makes you uncomfortable talking to him about it, maybe the best thing would be to just go into another room and nurse really quickly? I think that's what I would do, just to avoid any drama. Too bad he has to make it so awkward for you! :T

In my own house, I feel like it is the other person's problem to overcome so I did what I felt like doing, regardless. However, since you are at your mom and stepdad's home, I'd probably leave the room. Since he felt it necessary to tell your husband that he was uncomfortable, I would assume he intended for you to get the message. I think it is really unfortunate he feels that way, but I would also want to respect his wishes in his own home. Maybe over time he'll notice that you are gone more often than not and realize he was being silly.

My dad is the same way and he did not feel comfortable being around if I was nursing. (My mom is the COMPLETE opposite and sits super close and stares....which makes me uncomfortable!) I just went into another room when I was visiting them because it was just easier and less awkward.

Good luck! Sorry you are going through this!

I would ask whoever's house it is if they are okay with it. At his house, let him know you need to nurse and ask him where he would like you to go.

My FIL doesn't seem super comfy with me pumping in front of him, but I don't want to be banished. I use a cover and am discreet but it's hard to miss the extended front and machine humming away. My MIL is awesome with it though.

Sorry, I would go in another room at his house and probably at family get togethers too. There is nothing wrong with it, it is natural but it still makes people feel uncomfotable. I would definately compromise on this in his home.

@TurtleDoves: "this is going to get reeeeeeal old"

EXACTLY!

P is almost 10 months and we plan to bf a long time. I hate even thinking about being around my MIL (at their house or even out to dinner) because I can't just feed P when I need to. We want more kids and it's already gotten old! ugh.

In someone else's house, I respect their wishes - totally stinks that it's your parents though, you would hope they'd be more understanding.
It is natural and it should be something people are comfortable with. But often it is not.
I'll admit before DS I uncomfortable in front of a BFing friend (I'd only known one before DS). I thought it was awesome and beautiful but felt really awkward. After having my son, it's completely the opposite, I understand from the other side.

I had another friend tell me that she gave up nursing because her DH wasn't comfortable with her BFing, especially in public or at family outings, relatives houses, etc. Just awful, in my opinion.
Remind DH that you need support when you are 'shunned' for feeding your son.

I would totally respect his wishes. But I'd visit his house much much less.

I'm not a parent (yet) but I'd say that you probably should respect his wishes in his home. At your house, you get to call the shots but when you're in someone else's home, it's not exactly fair for them to just have to deal with something that makes them uncomfortable.

@Foodnerd81: exactly! I've always been very pro breastfeeding but felt weird with breastfeeding friends and then felt bad that I felt this way. After being the one that's breastfeeding, that's all gone out the window. I've even breastfed with a friend breastfeeding her baby beside me! No longer an issue, haha

Honestly, his house... respect his wishes. Let him know that in your own home, he needs to respect yours though.

I'm definitely not a fan of doing something that you are well aware makes someone uncomfortable in their home. It's like a smack in the face.

I feel like my dad will be the same way. Totally weird. Honestly, though, I think I would just excuse myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable forcing him to be uncomfortable - I respect him too much. It's super lame, and I imagine it will be annoying to have to leave the room, but he's sacrificed a lot for me, so I can make a few sacrifices.

Has he specifically asked you to go to another room to feed? If not, then I would keep doing it respectfully like you are (with a cover, sitting to the side).

It sounds like he may be a good guy and he may be trying to get over it. I understand that it may be hard to talk face to face with someone while nursing, but maybe you can sit there and not engage him in conversation for that bit of time.

If he didn't say anything directly to you, I'd pretend you have no clue. Play dumb and keep doing what you're doing. I hate when people get all weird about breastfeeding!

What does your mom say? Perhaps she can give some perspective, or alternatively can talk to your step-dad and find out what's going on? And maybe, your stepdad was just talking to your hubby "man-to-man" about his uncomfortableness? Maybe he knows that he's being silly?

@Thehistoryofus: I totally agree with you on this. In the original post, it doesn't say at all that she's being asked to move rooms. It sounds like her stepdad was just confiding in her DH about how he feels and it doesn't sound like he was even bothered to leave the room. Since he's expressing how he feels too, I think it's a good thing because it's as if he's aware he's the one with the problem and it's just something he's gotta try to overcome. I think it can become a non-issue if he's around it more... He'll start to realize it's not a big deal. She's using a cover... Baby eats... Baby is content afterwards... What's the problem?

@Foodnerd81: If my MIL was anyone else then maybe, but no. She's implied the same thing when at our house... "Oh are you going to go UP (where our bedroom is) to feed her?" Mind you she knows I nurse around DS & wherever when I'm home.

She's in the "supportive as long as I'm not inconvenienced" camp. So she just don't wanna see it really.

@KissMeCait: the op can respect his wishes but, as Mr. Bee says.....it will end in her not visiting as often as the grandparents will likely want (well, if they are like my parents). So they will end up shooting themselves in the foot if they don't learn to be flexible!

That being said, 80% of the time I nurse in private when I visit family. I just leave early if I get tired of nursing in private...I simply don't want to spend perfectly good afternoons sequestered in a guest bedroom. Plus my baby always eats better at home. That's just reality. Fortunately, he is on a schedule now so it is much easier for me to work visits around our routine. But months 1-4 I had very little control over when he ate.

Normally I'd say if it's someone else's house then whatever makes them comfortable but this is your parents.

My dad seemed awk about it at first and my youngest sister made some plain mean comments initially. But no one cares anymore, they're def desensitized, and that happened gradually. I used to leave the room initially which I think made them see how it's much more convenient to stay put. With my sister I told her what I thought of her comments, with my dad I never said anything I just would be in a common space that he wasnt in but wasn't like upstairs in a locked room so he'd be around it but didn't have to stay and now he's fine. I think some of it is just getting used to the idea that your kid is a parent now.

Do you think talking to your mom about it would help?