My husband's been doing most of the work taking care of our 2 year old daughter ever since I got put on bedrest the last couple month of my pregnancy (since last November). Over the past few months, she's grown to prefer him over me. This is not such a bad thing since I have to spend more time with the baby but we've noticed that she throws far more tantrums with him than she ever did with me. He was out of town for a few days this week and she was perfectly well behaved. As soon as he came home and took care of her morning routine the following day, she threw a huge tantrum.
We recognize that he has to work on how he reacts to her tantrums and he's probably doing a few things that's reinforcing her tantrums. It's gotten to a point where it feels like she's in automatic tantrum mode as soon as she's with him. How do we put a stop to this? Should I start to do most of her routines with her to 'reset' her before letting her dad take over again? Any thoughts on why she prefers him but throws more tantrums with him?
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
kids misbehave the most with those they are most comfortable with. they know they can get away with it. that's why they listen to teachers so much better than parents!
what is she throwing tantrums over, and how is your husband reacting?
coconut / 8299 posts
My LO is the same way but with me. He prefers me but also throws the most tantrums with me. I always thought it was because he felt more "comfortable" around me. But also because I'm easier on him than my husband is so I'm probably reinforcing it more. I have noticed a difference once I started becoming a bit more strict with my No's. He doesn't throw as many tantrums now around me. So I think it could be a combination of both (comfort level and reinforcement).
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I read that kids are more likely to keep throwing tantrums if the parent reacts to it in any way. Is it possible that your husband is reacting more strongly to the tantrums, and thus giving your LO a sense of power?
apple seed / 3 posts
@mrs.bee, her tantrums could over the smallest things (she wants to use the small spoon instead of the big one) and then she gets worked up and probably doesn't remember why she's crying in the first place. we think my husband's problem is that he ends up fueling her tantrums more by negotiating and throwing out suggestions when he should just let her cry it out a bit first.