So my LO is big enough to talk and she told me her nanny is on her cell phone a lot. So I started snooping. I checked out her public instagram/facebook and she posts a lot...and I just turned on the baby monitor since they are in her room and she's been sitting to the side for 20 minutes now on the phone not interacting. I'm really upset. I'm not great with confrontation and not sure how to handle. Should I go in there now and tell her to knock it off? Do I mention end of day/tomorrow AM? What should I say? I have no issue with taking a call as needed, but obviously this isn't okay.
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Do you WAH?
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@simplyfelicity: Yes, I do.
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If it were me, I would be more likely to want to catch her "red handed" and I would say exactly what you said here, you don't mind the occasional call or text but you prefer she focuses on your LO. You could try hinting but she is your employee and might take advantage of the situation if it isn't really clear.
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You're not paying her to be on her phone...you're paying her to interact with your LO. I'd definitely say something and I'm not a confrontational person either. But when it comes to my LO, I'm more apt to speak up.
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I'm trying to think of how to word this conversation...I mean I want her to know that I know her phone use has been extensive so she will knock it off...but I don't think I should probably admit to checking out the nanny cam...Do I tell her my daughter mentioned it? Do I mentioned I checked her online presence during work hours?
I feel like if I just see her doing it right then and am like "oh yeah please don't" she may not know I know about all the use and keep trying to do it...
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I would also try to catch her in the act and then let her know at that moment and also talk to her at the end of the day and let her know that if it doesn't change, she's gone. I'm sorry, but the fact that you're home and she's doing that with your daughter who can talk is really bad and I would be livid.
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@ksnow: I would just say that LO mentioned that she was on her phone a lot, and you've been noticing a lot of activity on her social media pages during hours she's supposed to be with LO (is she posting of LO or just to her friends?) I would just say that you would like to make sure phone calls/texts are out of necessity only and you hope she can respect that.
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I don't think you have to mention that you checked her social media., but why can't you say you checked the monitor to see what they were up to and noticed she had been on the phone for a long time?
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@LuLu Mom: She's posting of her business (photography) mostly. Like ads, photos from other sessions, giveaways.
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@Madison43: I don't know. I was worried I guess if that's "allowed". I mean there is a camera clearly displayed in LO's room but I was never like "oh I might turn this on to check out what you guys are doing". I really don't like being "boss" it just makes my stomach churn which is not so good when you're trying to employ someone.
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I would tell her that you know she is on the phone a lot from what your daughter has said and that you would prefer that she only use it sparingly. Then check up on her via social media and the camera (that's why I wouldn't tell her about these initially). If she still does it after some time has passed (she will likely stop at least for a short while), I would fire her. I also might start looking for a new nanny now if I were in your shoes (and I have been). Sorry you are going through this. It is really taxing not trusting your child's caregiver. But finding the right person changes everything.
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Yeah I wouldn't mention the snooping it will just make her creeped out and resentful. Just say your daughter mentioned something about her being on the phone before and then you just happened to notice she was on her phone on the baby monitor, so you don't know if that's just a coincidence but that you would appreciate her limiting her phone/social media stuff while watching the LO. That would put her on notice and then if it happens again sack her. Period.
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@ksnow: way to throw your LO under the bus! Lol
I would interrupt her the next time you see her talking on the phone or texting and ask her to stop using her phone while she's on duty. Also ask her to stay a few minutes later that day.
In your end of day convo let her know your expectations for phone use. Go ahead and share your evidence, LO has noticed you on the phone alot because she's said so, we are FB friends and I can see your daytime posting, and as you know we have cameras in the home and baby monitors for safety and I can see you. Outline what you think is reasonable phone use (get her feedback as well) and review the level of care and interaction you expect.
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@ksnow: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: agreed - I would NOT blame it on your DD.
I would also catch her red-handed and just ask that she please not use the phone unless your LO is napping
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: mamaof2: I know I don't want to tattle on my DD tattling...but she's also real young (2) so it's not like anyone would interpret her telling me as a 'bad' thing. She just says what she says like all 2 year olds... doesn't know if she's telling on someone or not.
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I would talk to her in the morning as she is starting. I would say,:
"I noticed you have been using your phone a lot during the day. I would like you keep your phone in kitchen (or wherever). You can keep the ringer on high so you can take a call if necessary, but I don't want you using it while you are with LO. I don't mind if you use it during nap time, but when LO is awake, the phone should be put away."I think you should put a strict rule in place.
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This comment has been deleted by the original poster.
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I don't think she needs to know you know "all of it". It will be a true test of you Give less info. I would just say, hey we would appreciate if you didn't use your phone while LO was awake unless it's an emergency. Then see if it improves. If not, address it further or find a new nanny.
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@ksnow: definitely catch her in the act. maybe even give it a few times so you at keast have situations you can refer to when talking to her. definitely would not blame it on dd as she might treat her differently and I wouldn't want to risk that and no to admitting you've seen her social media or on the cam...
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I don't agree. She is a person, you can't limit her cell phone rights. As long as she is caring for your child properly, I don't think she should be micromanaged. Hire someone you trust.
I have been a nanny and wouldn't work for someone who tried to micromanage me or didn't disclose I was on a camera (or has that been disclosed?). I watch my daughter and am on my phone a lot. Multi tasking is part of keeping sanity. IMO being on a smartphone is less attention taking than even watching tv.
In the future maybe disclose your preferences for limited phone usage before you hire (or have you?).
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@Little Misters Mom: agree with all of this!
I would be livid though...I don't think you need to wait to catch her in act. I like how the above PP worded it
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@Greentea: sorry but I don't agree and I don't get that logic. You are employing someone and you have the right to say something if you don't like what you see. She isn't paying her to be on her phone when she should be interacting with her daughter. As a mother, you aren't getting paid so you can do whatever you want around your child.
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@Greentea: aren't their rules for some jobs to not have your cell phone on or even around you though?
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@Greentea: actually, she can limit her cellphone use. It's not her"right" to use her phone on the job. Many employers limit phone use during working hours.
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I don't think you need to explain how you know either! Since she is guilty of it, I don't think she'd press??
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@Greentea: I mentioned during interviews/initial days I expected limited phone and no TV. And I understand she's a person - that's why I try to be pretty easy going usually...I would be upset if my boss was like no don't take that call from your husband for 3 minutes. But I think it's different than spending a good chunk of time fiddling around on your phone. If I can't mention it to her and see if she'll correct it - I would let her go. So I'd assume she'd prefer I gave her an opportunity to rectify before firing her? In regards to caring for my child properly - is my DD going to get hurt? No - I would have already had her leave if I thought that was the case. But *to me* carrying for my daughter properly involves modeling good behavior (I don't want her addicted to a device) and interacting with her. And let's face it if your staring at your phone you're not thinking up engaging activities, talking to her, helping her learn...All of the above prefaced with if it was a small occurrence I would let it slide, but the amount of phone time I've seen evidence of has me pretty fired up.
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@Greentea: The nanny is her employee that she is paying to take care of her child. She absolutely is within her rights to set limits for phone use! Mom/dad using technology and paid childcare ignoring my kid to use their phone are totally different. Honestly, if I wanted to get work done all day I could stick my kid in front of the TV and not pay anyone to do that. I paid preschool to give my kid care, interact with her in a way that I can't when I WAH.
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@TemperanceBrennan: that sounds reasonable.
@Greentea: posting on social media sites and talking to her friends is not multi-tasking. Its taking personal time during work hours. A SAHP is very different from a nanny. A nanny's sole responsibility is to care for her charge. If the child can verbalize the nanny uses her phone alot that's a red flag that the child's needs are not always met. The nanny's eyes and attention are diverted away from the child and focused on her phone. The child may have to wait until the nanny finishes with her phone before tending to a request. I'd much rather my kid learn patience because a nanny was doing something productive (job related) rather than talking on the phone.
Employers have every right to limit phone and Internet use. People go to work to work. They get paid to work.
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@ksnow: yeah, I totally get that it's awkward but it's not like she doesn't know there's a camera in the room. I think mentioning that you saw it is a better alternative that catching her in the act, because as you said, you don't have a problem with an occassional call or text. I think it's much better to say that you noticed that she's on the phone a lot and that you need her to restrict her phone time during LO's awake hours to only those calls or texts which are urgent. No different than any other job. I don't think it's a big deal at all, although I understand that anticipating that kind of conversation can cause some anxiety.
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I agree with others - you are totally within your rights to say something. You are paying her for a level of service you dont feel you are receiving!
I like how @Little Misters Mom: put it best - I'd take that approach!
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Lots of advice here but I would stick with simple and short to begin with. Ask her to speak with her a few minutes after work. Then just say "I just wanted to remind you of our TV/technology preference from our interview process and DH and I prefer limited technology except when an emergency". She will say okay, and if she presses and asks if there's an issue just say DD mentioned it and you have noticed her on her phone a few times. If it gets to that point, try to give some good feedback too so she doesn't feel too attacked. I would be shocked if she asked because she probably knows she's been slipping.
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@ksnow: I get it. You feel like she is just kind of using up your time/ burning time, and not only that but using your dime to forward her "other" career. Maybe try "please try to limit your phone use to 30 minutes a day total," or whatever your ideal number (you feel is within reason) would be. Maybe just keep it that straight-forward and simple.
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I would say that your daughter mentioned she's on the phone a lot and say that you would appreciate it if she would limit her phone / tablet time while she is caring for your daughter.
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I think I would walk by a few times today where they are playing and then say at the end of the day "I noticed you were on your phone a lot today. I would prefer you limit your phone use during the day so you can focus on LO. "
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I wouldn't approach this in the way pp have mentioned...instead I would figure out what you would prefer she be doing instead with your LO and make sure she does those things. I mean, that is the issue right? It's not that she's on her phone it's that she's not interacting fully with your LO. Hopefully if her time is otherwise filled she won't have so much downtime.
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@Greentea: every employer I have ever worked for had a cell phone and Internet personal use policy. It's well within an employers right. This is no different. The fact is, when your eyes are on a device you aren't fully engaging with another person and that is what a nanny is paid to do. There was an article I read recently In which kids described how they felt when their caregivers were constantly on their devices around them. It was sad to hear how they felt unimportant and ignored. So yes, "multitasking" can have negative impact.
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I don't think you need to say anything about your daughter telling you or you looking at the monitor. Just, "Hey, I understand if you occasionally need to take a call or use your phone, but lately the phone use seems to be pretty excessive." If she has common sense that should be all you have to say and it should be met with an apology and a promise to cut back.
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@catomd00: maybe you didn't see my update.
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I wouldn't give her an explanation at all unless she asks.
I would just say 'Hey, we've noticed you've been using your phone a good bit and we'd appreciate if you could tone down the usage while with LO.' if she asks how you know (she probably won't) then I would give her examples (social media presence, etc.).
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46 comments