I wrote a giant long thing but I'm going to try to sum it up. Dubs is 8 months old, and it's taking him longer and longer to fall asleep in my arms, so I think it's time to teach him to fall asleep in the crib. If your baby is kind of on a schedule (he gets up at 6 and naps around 7:30, 11:30, and 3) and it takes him 45 minutes to fall asleep, how do you adjust the schedule for the rest of the day, and how do you manage your anxiety over it? Am I the only one who stares at the monitor stressing about this? Do I just need to suck it up and deal with nap chaos for a few days until he gets the hang of falling asleep?
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@erinbaderin: I guess it depends on if you're ok with spending the extra time getting him down? If you are, then I'd just start the routine earlier than you normally would, so that the schedule stays roughly the same.
On the other hand, if it's getting to the point where nothing you do is helping, then I would consider nap training. Or, maybe he's ready to go to 2 naps? Maybe he's just not tired enough to fall asleep, therefore it takes a lot of work to get him to nap?
For me, I did have a lot of anxiety at that age about naps. All naps were in someone's arms till mine was about 5-6 months!
We finally nap trained him around 6 months.
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Sounds like he's ready for 2 naps. We started the 2-3-4 schedule around that age and it worked beautifully. Up at 6, nap from 8-930, nap from 1230-230 and in bed at 630-7ish.
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A two nap schedule probably would help getting to sleep.
Handling the anxiety, I put the monitor on silent and try to have things to do so I'm not just waiting for him to sleep all day. I check the lights every few minutes to see if he's gone to sleep yet. It helps to not listen to the crying all day.
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I was and still am a bit crazy about sleep. I agree with @peaches1038 though that it sounds as if he is ready for 2 naps instead of three. Have you tried playing with his awake times? At 6 months I had to sleep train my daughter just for falling asleep for naps and bed solo because rocking wasn't working anymore. She was already fat 2 naps a day at 6 months and it worked a lot better for her and theyengthened a bit. At 11 months I transitioned her to 1 nap a day to work on the same schedule as a child I take care of and that worked out really well for her too except for some crappy times here and there.
I'd drop that 7:30 nap and start pushing the morning nap further. 2-3 hours in the morning should be a good goal I think so then he'll be tired enough to fall asleep either solo or quicker via rocking.
ETA: as for the anxiety, each time there is a sleep change it has taken me at least a few days to either come up with a plan or grow accustomed to the new way things are. I find a timer helps for when they're falling asleep. I turn off the sound and just have the picture and set a timer on my phone. Hearing crying really spikes my anxiety and if they're crying you probably won't need a monitor to hear it anyway. Breathe and celebrate the sleep victories when they happen.
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I would absolutely switch him to 2 naps (that afternoon one is my most stressful because we have to leave at 4:30 to get big brother so I feel like I'm constantly against a clock) but he doesn't reliably have long naps - maybe once he goes down to 2 they'll naturally lengthen themselves a bit? @peaches1038: That schedule sounds perfect except he tends to wake up at 9 whether he's gone down at 7:30 or 8:15.
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@erinbaderin: I think I have a low sleeps needs baby or low naps needs baby anyway. The 3 naps were 30-45 minutes. The 2 naps were usually an hour each, sometimes not and randomly sometimes more. I cut down to 2 naps at 5 months because the third one could only be done while out for a walk. I remember being concerned/frustrated that they weren't lengthening more. I know somebody whose baby took two 2 hour naps a day and slept 7-7 at 6 months old and beyond. (Crazy!) I constantly have to let go of the way I think sleep should be, but it's hard and I always worry when the nap or naps are short that we're going to be in meltdown territory and we never have been really. This past week I have had a kid who sleeps half an hour for the whole day and that's it, but she was sick.
All that to say, maybe try it and see what happens? I don't know how long it takes for naps to lengthen for a lot of kids, but I would guess at least a week. When I switched to one nap it only took a day or two for her to settle into a 2 hour nap.
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When we switched from 3 to 2 naps around 7m, his nap length went from 40-45min up to 70-90min. We changed nothing else. It took a couple days.
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Semi-urgent follow up question because nap time is in an hour. Would you switch to two naps but keep rocking to sleep, and then deal with falling asleep alone later, or do it all at once - go to a 2/3/4 and just do the bedtime routine and then put him down?
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@erinbaderin: just do it all at once.. why go through the pain twice
? Two naps was a life saver for us... 40 min naps turned to 2-3 hrs!
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@Banana330: Thanks for the quick response - that's what I was thinking too. Fingers crossed for this, I'm REAL BAD at sticking to my guns and my husband has always had to do all the sleep training, so I'm going to have to try very very hard to not give in.
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@erinbaderin: it's so worth it in the end.. stay strong!
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@erinbaderin: do it all at once!! You can do it!! We did checks every 5 min and it never took more than 3, but see what happens and go with your instincts. Be strong mama!
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Update: this morning I put him down, he squawked a bit and then was quiet for 20 minutes (I assumed he was asleep but in retrospect he might have just been lying quietly sucking his thumb?). I thought I was in the clear then he started to cry and he cried off and on for about 40 minutes before I got too stressed and went in and rocked him to sleep, and he slept for an hour and a half.
This afternoon I decided to try again. Put him down, he cried for a minute, and has been seemingly asleep. He could be messing with me again but it's been a half an hour so I'm cautiously optimistic! Thanks so much for the support and encouragement, it really helped me feel ok about going ahead with it.
We finally nap trained him around 6 months.
? Two naps was a life saver for us... 40 min naps turned to 2-3 hrs!
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