Anyone have a med-free birth without hiring a doula? I go back and forth and wonder if I can be successful just DH and I without a doula.
Anyone have a med-free birth without hiring a doula? I go back and forth and wonder if I can be successful just DH and I without a doula.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@LindsayInNY: I did, but I gave birth at a very pro med free birth hospital with a group of midwives. The nurse and midwife were amazing- I don't know that I could have done it without them. I debated hiring a doula as well but never felt strongly enough about it to do the research.
bananas / 9229 posts
@Foodnerd81: I have an OB. I trust they'll let me do my own thing but want to also know that DH will be a strong enough voice for me if that's not the case.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
I did, I also used a very natural birth friendly midwife group and hospital. My labor was also very fast. My husband was extremely helpful, although probably not in the same ways as a doula, he didn't really have the knowledge to suggest other positions etc. Mostly he was just really supportive. I also did hypnobabies and I think above all else that was the most helpful for my actual labor which was all at home.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Are you planning to deliver in a setting with midwives? I think they are what made the difference for me to be able to deliver intervention free. The hospital had an OB on call, but I only saw her at the very end of my delivery.
pomelo / 5720 posts
I did! Two, actually I had a doula lined up for my first birth but she ended up in the ER while I was in labor and missed the whole thing. With DD I didn't even bother since I knew I could do it without one. Our birth classes and DHs support made all the difference for me.
ETA: I delivered in a hospital with and OB as my primary. I had a clear birth plan with DS and they respected it fully. I didn't have one with DD but they still did all the things I would've wanted them to do anyway.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
I wouldn't plan on it for a first birth... When my son was born, I called my doula too late and she didn't make it for the birth. Despite all my preparation I got scared and asked for an epidural at the 11th hour. With my daughter, I had a doula and went all natural. A husband can be a great advocate, but he's not going to be able to tell you a lot of the things that a doula can. After all, he hasn't ever had a baby, and probably he's never been a birth coach....
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@LindsayInNY: in my case, Dh would not have been enough. He just didn't know what to do or how to help without someone telling him. But out birth class wasn't that helpful anyway.
coconut / 8854 posts
Great thread! I'm following. I don't think I will hire a doula, but I also am not sure if DH will be enough of an advocate for me. I worry that once I'm in labor, and he sees me in pain, he might feel worried and concerned, and not be strong enough for me to resist the pain meds.
pear / 1849 posts
I ended up with a c-section because LO got stuck, but I definitely wouldn't have been able to get through 15 hours of labor (including 3 hours of pushing) med-free without my doula. And while it obviously wasn't what I wanted, it helped me a lot mentally to hear the doula say "We've done everything we possible can to get him out. You need a c-section."
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
I demanded an Epi at the end because I had a med free labor not by choice (with LO1) but my OB tried to encourage me not to. But, it is possible!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
For me, it wasn't really that DH wasn't a strong "voice" but in the hospital, the nurses are busy, and the OB only stops in for checks. My DH wasn't equipped to really offer the suggestions and support I would have needed to even try going med free. He would have totally been able to hold off the nurses and completely deny me the meds if thats what I had told him to do, but it would have been much easier with a Doula there that could have suggested different positions, moved the bed around, etc.
pear / 1531 posts
I hired one, but she didn't arrive until he was almost out. I managed to go med-free even though I never really committed to that path. My labor went very fast, but I've heard that makes it even more painful (but who knows). I did absolutely no research on birthing methods or the process. I think the only thing that would have helped me would have been the Bradley Method because I heard it emphasizes trust in the birthing process. I felt so wildly out of control, which was the scariest part. But there was no way I was going to go through 12 weeks of classes. Anyway, it is possible. My husband was great through the whole thing. He was a high level athlete so maybe that helped him coach me through it. Lol. My birthing nurses were also great.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
I did with my 2nd pregnancy so Im not sure if that counts. I had a doula for my first one and she was a great support system for my husband and I. I was in labor for over 18 hours and she was there almost the whole time which was amazing. We actually became friends but then one of her daughters got cancer and I couldnt ask her to be away from her when I was pregnant the 2nd time so we winged it and it was a lot faster and my husband was a wonderful support
pomegranate / 3045 posts
I was induced, so technically not med free, but I did go pain med free, and without a doula I didn't really see the point of having one, for myself. I think having someone else there besides my husband would have just annoyed me. It probably just depends in you and your labor, though. I had a relatively quick labor and delivery, but maybe if I had a longer labor, I would have wanted more support. It's hard to know.
pomegranate / 3601 posts
I have had two but every birth here in Germany is automatically midwife attended. Normally the doctor comes in for the actual delivery. For my second birth he didn't make it in time.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@LindsayInNY: I did! I gave birth with a CNM at a hospital that is known in town for being very low-intervention. It's definitely possible to do it. We took a birth class that was Lamaze-based (not the old Lamaze, the new one) but taught by a doula who is not affiliated with any of the hospitals. You guys should read The Birth Partner. It really helped my husband and he was a great birth coach. I also recommend laboring at home as long as you can.
ETA: My labor was 15 hours and I labored at home for 11 hours.
grapefruit / 4663 posts
@theotherstark: this is how I felt.
I had a doula because everyone swore it was needed to go med-free. She was annoyed before we ever started because I was induced (PIH, per her I didn't push hard enough to not be uhhh no high blood pressure is bad for me and baby) and so we just never clicked and she just annoyed me. It was actually the first thing my dh said when we were talking about birth this time, "doula free in 2015!" Lol
So to me it is not needed it requires a lot of dedication and as long as you can be stubborn enough to outlast your labor you'll be fine. I had a midwife in an OB group, she told me it was my choice but she had an epidural and would recommend it.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@jetsa: It also helps if you have nurses that are on your side! That was the best about my hospital. The nurses knew my birth preferences and never even offered me drugs. The one time I asked, my nurse (God bless Ashley) told me that I was almost done and didn't need it. I delivered within the hour. I hope you have great nurses for this birth!
pomelo / 5228 posts
I had a doula but still decided to get the epidural. Of course its possible to go without both, but you never know what your labor is going to be like...
eggplant / 11287 posts
I delivered med free in a hospital with an OB, no doula. For me, it was all about the nurses. Once they knew I wanted to go med free, they got me in the tub and didn't bring up pain management at all.
pineapple / 12566 posts
I never planned on having a duala and my 2nd LO was a med free birth with a midwife, since that is the norm here. My OB was supposed to deliver my baby but he arrived at the hospital too late.
bananas / 9229 posts
@looch: Nope. OB and hospital setting.
@avivoca: I'll check out that book - thanks!
@Rainbow Sprinkles: Sounds like my anticipated scenario... That'll have to be something I look into or ask about at the hospital, I think. I know the hospital has a pre-made birth plan you can fill out which includes a lot of low/no-intervention options.
pomegranate / 3045 posts
I really liked The Bradley Method book. I didn't take the class, but the book was really helpful for both me and my husband.
bananas / 9229 posts
@theotherstark: I'm going to take the class and I think that's one of the required additional books. There are two.
eggplant / 11287 posts
@LindsayInNY: Oh, that's cool. I hope your birth plan goes well and you get good nursing staff!
My situation was also a bit different because I labored at home as long as I possibly could, so I was almost 7 centimeters by the time I got to the hospital. But once my husband told them "no epidural" they kind of got right to work, bustling about me, making sure I didn't get an IV, helping me into the tub, putting on nice music for me, etc. Really, all the OB did was waltz in and catch the baby!
bananas / 9229 posts
@Rainbow Sprinkles: We're about a 30-45 min trip from the hospital so I don't know how long I'll be able to wait at home. I think if we truly put our minds to it, I could do it on my own (without a doula). I would just need to be really prepped - know position/pain-relief options, etc. Have them written down if necessary.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@LindsayInNY: The average length of labor for a first time mom is 18 hours, just to give you some perspective. Obviously, you'll never know how long labor will be until it's over. I live about 20 minutes away from the hospital I gave birth in (with no traffic). Laboring in the car is not fun, but I personally lost all sense of time during labor. All I knew at the time is that I had three contractions in the car (mine were never regular) and it hurt because I was crunched up with a seat belt on.
nectarine / 2667 posts
I did get induced and was given some oxygen & a bit of fentanyl late in the pushing stage, but I labored mostly without drugs & didn't feel "pushed" into anything. I didn't have a doula - just my husband, CNM, and a great nurse.
I second The Birth Partner. It was exactly what we needed to read for my husband to be prepared to help me. I'd say only you know if your husband can replace a doula as an advocate/coach. Is he calm in tense situations? Is he comfortable speaking up, asking questions, and taking a "leadership" role around medical professionals? It took some research & serious communication skills (before & during) to have my husband help me during labor. I'm glad we did though - we both enjoyed the experience.
nectarine / 2591 posts
I did it completely med free with just DH. I also gave birth at a birth centre with just my midwife so drugs weren't really on the table. My labour was hard, baby was crooked and I had back labour but I made it through. Water was the key. At home I was either in the shower or the bath. I alternated between them and then once we got to the hospital I was in the shower until I could get into the birthing tub.
persimmon / 1295 posts
Yep we did! At a smallish regional Hospital in Canada. no one offers drugs automatically so If you don't bring it up - they won't. I wasn't even overly opposed to them it just never happened for me.
pomegranate / 3231 posts
@LindsayInNY: Are you in NYC? Which hospital are you using? If you are looking for a Bradley class then I recommend Tanya at Manhattan Birth (http://www.manhattanbirth.com).
I think the nurses matter more than the OB when it comes to this issue. They are just around more throughout your labor. I think our doula could have been a better match for us, but I am glad that she was there because hers was the only voice I was really able to focus on during my labor. I wanted my husband there, but I didn't really want him to talk, haha!
kiwi / 656 posts
@LindsayInNY: I'm about half way through our bradley classes and I think taking them will really help you decide. Which instructor are you taking the class with? I wonder if it is the same as me and DH we are leaning towards not hiring a doula, but like others I am with a Midwife group that is well respected in the hospital so we won't be bothered by the OB or nurses on call unless we want them. I'm also open to pain meds, if I feel I need them, though obviously I'm doing what I can to be able to go med free as well. What I love about the bradley classes so far is how it has really brought DH's involvement to the next level- it really engages him and teaches him things that maybe I knew but he didn't. It's really brought us together even more!
bananas / 9229 posts
@ElbieKay: My OB is with NYU Langone. I had gotten info from Mary Malloy on her classes but haven't signed up yet. I'll check out Tanya though! How many weeks are her classes?
@MrsBucky: I was kinda thinking that - just taking a wait and see approach once I start classes?
kiwi / 656 posts
@LindsayInNY: We are taking Mary Esther Malloy's Bradley classes at the recommendation of my midwife group, FWIW. Let me know if you have any questions about it! I do think waiting and seeing can't hurt. Once you and your partner get more exposure to what to expect, then you'll be more informed about what you think you'll need to have the best shot at the type of birth you're hoping for. I'm mostly trying to be really gentle with myself about my birth plan/ expectations of myself and the experience, so that's my approach. I'm still a bit on the fence about a doula or not, so I totally hear you on that question!
bananas / 9229 posts
@MrsBucky: Oh yay! We're looking to sign up for the March to April classes. I'm going to wall you because I'd love your input on her/the classes so far!
kiwi / 635 posts
I had a med-free birth without a doula in a hospital with an OB/GYN. I am terrified of epidurals so I think I only would have had meds if medically needed. I took Bradley method classes so I had an idea of what unnecessary interventions might look like. But ultimately I lucked out with an easy, quick labor where there wouldn't have even been time for an epidural if I had wanted it. Probably biology helped out 80%, Bradley method 10% (keeping me relaxed), and the remaining 10% being luck that nothing happened to make the docs/nurses concerned.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I had a med-free birth without a doula, but it was attended by a midwife. Not really sure the difference between having a midwife vs an OB though.
pomelo / 5678 posts
@LindsayInNY: I HIGHLY recommend getting as many professionals as you can to help you if you want to go med free. I also think it depends on your SO's personality. DH and I took Bradley classes, which I also recommend, but truth be told DH doesn't have the outgoing personality to be my "doula," which is sort of what those classes train a SO to be. If I wanted to go med free I would hire a team of professionals to help me. I had to direct DH during labor... and no one wants to do that!
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