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Following. I have a similar problem and I wish I had any type of response other than a giant sigh. Lol

@.twist.: You say you're close to them...well, do you need to be? Would it hurt to distance yourself?

that's what I've done. But if it was a spouse or super close family that you rely on, obviously that wouldn't be possible.

@.twist.: You could also try something like "Your response isn't helping. I'm NOT saying that you're <insert whatever dramatic thing they said>, so I don't know why you're saying that. It feels like you're trying to deflect my concerns instead of actually addressing them."

It sounds like a very defensive response, like "I'm going to say these things before you do".

Not sure of your relationship with these people, but I would try to "build them up" at other times, so that it doesn't come off as such an attack when you do bring up problematic things. It also might help to discuss your own role, like "Hey I wanted to talk to you about this situation. I asked you to do x,y,z. I know you've been really busy at work and tired after work, and maybe I didn't remind you/ask you in the nicest way/ask you how you feel about doing it. What do you think is going on?".

I also have someone in my life who responds this way a lot. It's frustrating because there are times when constructive criticism is necessary, and even though it's nothing personal they always seem to take it that way.

I usually respond with something like "that isn't what I'm saying at all, but..." and then explain further. Paired with a sigh and a giant eye roll, because I could do without the drama.

I am guilty of responding like that sometimes I don't do it to blow the person off, it's more that I feel terrible about whatever is making them upset but I'm 99% sure I can't do what would make them happy.

Maybe that's the problem for them too, that they feel guilty but don't know how to fix the problem or how to say they feel guilty in a less ridiculous way, at least in the moment. Don't know if that helps...

My DH totally used to do this, anytime (okay not anytime, but too often) I complained or brought up an issue it was, "Well sorry I'm such a crappy husband/dad!" Ughhh come on, really dude? My response (and it took a few times, but he doesn't do it anymore) was something along the lines of, "That's not what I said and you know it, it's not fair to make me feel bad for telling you when something is bothering me. If you have a problem with the way I'm addressing it we can discuss that, but right now I'm trying to talk to you about X, and I'd appreciate it if we could focus on fixing that instead of you just saying crap to try to get me to drop it."

It's wordy but that kind of stuff hits a nerve for me, I get mad!

I don't have advice, but I do have a friend who is like this. In that case, it is a self-esteem issue. The person has a very hard time hearing anything non-uplifting without projecting it as a reflection of their worth. If that's the case with these people too, I really don't know how to handle except very careful wording.

@wonderstruck: great response!
@.twist.: depending on how close this person is to you, would you and that person be willing to go to therapy over it?

@.twist.: you might be able to get help on how to handle situations like that if you go. Therapy is great.

"You said it, not me. Just do better next time."

LOL DH knows better to pull this crap on me. I usually just go with it in the completely opposite direction.

I would personally try to out-blunt them to stay on task. Like, their feelings on the matter aren't what I'm questioning. I'm following up about what you said you would do or letting you know that you made me feel badly about something.

Me: I asked you to do x, y, and z but it didn't get done.

Them: Well then I guess I'm a shitty person.

Me: I literally have no idea what that response has to do with this situation. I really need x, y, and z to get done. Would you mind finishing that up for me because you said you would do it. Thank you.

@wonderstruck: I usually say something similar! It took me a while to get to this response but really it is just a cop out way to get out of addressing an issue and it's pretty lousy when someone's worked up the courage to address a problem.

I'd call them out and just be like: I'm not saying you're a piece of shit but I am saying that I'm unhappy with X. And when I try to talk to you honestly about my feelings and you respond like that, you're putting me in a position where instead of talking to you about my problem I end up reassuring you that you're not a piece of shit and nothing gets solved. If you want to be a good friend/sibling/etc what I need from you is to talk to me about how we can avoid this in the future.

I do this to my husband. I really don't know why I act like this, but reading all your responses is convicting me about my behavior. I think I just take things he says personally. It's probably a self-esteem thing - I just assume he is saying the things I am thinking in my head because I'm so hard on myself.

If I'm being honest, I wonder if it isn't a form of manipulation.

I hate that pity party victim shit. My mom pulls it and my therapist has had me pull back because she never gets it. Some people will never change, unfortunately, so all you can change is your interactions with them. Makes me ragey, though. Woe is me, wah wah wah. Rage!