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Eh, this may make me sound like an awful person since I don't struggle with infertility but even with two kids of my own (15 months and 2 months, respectively) I didn't enjoy pregnancy either time. Granted, I had easy pregnancies - no morning sickness, no complications or major pains - but I still didn't enjoy them. I kept looking toward the end goal. There was no magical 'this is beautiful, I have a new life growing inside of me' moment. I just wanted it done to hold my child. But then, both pregnancies were unplanned and a complete shock both times so that may have colored my experience. If or when we try for a third, I might be excited.

@ChattyCathy: part of it may be the shock factor - or initial shock factor of 'omg, I'm pregnant' - or maybe my age or maybe how I felt the whole process of being pregnant delayed a lot of hopes and dreams but it just wasn't for me. I love my children. I am so happy to have them in my life and wouldn't trade my completed hopes and dreams for them. They are my world, or at least the majority of it - but the process to get them? Sucked. Easy pregnancy or no, the whole thing just kinda sucks. Sucks energy, sucks money, sucks nine months of your otherwise normal life... It just sucks. Love my children, love my family, hate being pregnant.

@ChattyCathy: I don't think it is bad at all! Or selfish! Being honest with yourself is never a bad thing. I did want to be pregnant and still struggled with pregnancy.. and there is no way my body will 'bounce back' without cosmetic surgery. Adoption is awesome

@PrincessBaby: Think it may be more of, she tried to get pregnant but is now looking at the bright side of not being able to get pregnant? (though I don't want to speak for her).

@ChattyCathy: My opinions on pregnancy and parenthood aren't always with the norm here - you use bumpers in cribs? Shocking! Don't you worry about SIDS? Mmmm no. - but I like to think I help round the hive out a little. I love seeing other women loving their pregnancies and little ones and life in general. I just love two out of three, that's all.

@ChattyCathy: I never wanted to be pregnant - the whole thing has always scared the heck out of me start to finish, and still does (I'm in my first tri). But whenever we discussed adoption my dh would get really sad, because he really wants to bring OUR kid into the world (a different kind of selfish I guess you could say!) And as I thought about it, I realized how rewarding pregnancy could be, if we were able to have kids of our own. And we are fortunate that we can. If we couldn't, I would definitely have rejoiced in not having to grow the fetus on my own, but I think it would be tough on dh. There are pros and cons to both sides, and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that!

I don't think pregnancy is all that great. There are moments that are great, but generally I find it annoying to not be able to do what I normally can (like run up a flight of stairs), or stressful (why hasn't the baby kicked lately?). To me, it's a means to an end (I'm super excited to be getting a baby), not something exciting in itself.

I don't think this makes you a bad/crazy/selfish/weird person at all! Women have different priorities. Some women seem to prioritize pregnancy and a specific type of delivery over almost everything else. I personally didn't care what type of delivery I had, and would have happily skipped pregnancy if I could have. We're pretty firmly decided to be one and done, but when I think about a second; my first thoughts are always that I don't want to be pregnant ever again.

I don't think any set of priorities is more selfish than the other.

My only concern would be that you are feeling this way as a sort of temporary reaction to having trouble conceiving and your husband being in denial about your (or maybe his?) infertility. Is he willing to do further testing (not sure what you guys have already done, or are willing to do).

But no, feeling this way doesn't make you crazy or selfish!

I think going through so many failed cycles, it definitely changes you. I don't think you are selfish.

We are considering adopting our first child and I heard so many great stories from families that have adopted.

For me, I would like to have my own biological kids but if we can't get pregnant, I'm fine with adopting to complete my family.

I think it's awesome that you want to adopt- it doesn't matter how they get to you, once you have that child, they are your child.
I do understand your husband wanting his "own" child... I think biologically, there is something in men that makes then want to pass their genetics on through a child.
I know that here is a safe space to be honest, but I would probably not share the comments about your body and your fears about it not bouncing back in public. You'll just come off as selfish and a little silly, and it clouds how strong you're being by looking on the bright side of things after your struggle to get pregnant. I think it's fine to share those thoughts here, but I wouldn't want you to open yourself up so easily to comments and criticism by vocalizing them to less empathetic ears...

@ChattyCathy: It doesn't make you selfish. What would be selfish is if you decided after the fact, whoops, I want my body not my baby, and had an abortion for that reason. That would be pretty darn vain, imo. But if adoption or surrogacy is what you want, go for it.

I do think, though, that this may be a fleeting feeling. Just make sure this is what you want.

@shopaholic: she's tried and has been unsuccessful and is now reframing the issue.

@Mrs. Jacks: Sorry if I didn't sound understanding (on my phone). I understand she has tried. And adoption is so wonderful! My point was, even if anyone tries to adopt even for so-called-selfish reasons, my opinion is that it shouldn't matter. In fact, my DH always told me that it's rather selfish of us to have our own LO when there are so many kids out there needing to be adopted. Sorry if I came off any other way.

@shopaholic: I know...it's hard to be 100% articulate and expressive from an iPhone. *waves hand* I need my laptop for some subjects!

It sounds like you are being called a different way, I have heard friends say that they felt that way and it lead them to THEIR bay weither they carried it or not. Just because your path to becoming a mother might be changing doesn't make you any less of a mom or a great person. Good luck with whatever you choose!

We had to do IVF to have a baby, my best friend adopted hers after failed IVF. My sister adopted both of her kids. I don't see anything wrong with any way that you come to your family. But one way is not necessarily easier than another. I have a friend who refuses to get pregnant again and had a terrible pregnancy. I had a great pregnancy and would love to pregnant all the time. But she was convinced that foster adoption was easier. A baby would just drop into her lap as soon as she was certified. That was very hurtful because it makes the ways that we went through bad because we could just do it the "easy" way. So attitude made it a bad situation. You do not have that attitude which is fantastic.

Adoption can be just as difficult as carrying a baby but in many different ways. There are great stories of great adoptions. But there are also stories of failed adoptions where you have your heart set on a baby and it falls through. Or waiting many many years to get a baby or never getting one at all. The costs may be equal to or even more expensive that pursuing all the treatments. And most definitely more expensive that the "natural" way.

I think it is great that you are looking into different ways and I am so sad to hear that you are struggling. That is most definitely the hardest part. Waiting to fulfill your mother role. Keep a good attitude and don't rule anything out. You will find your family in the way that works for you.