Dd is 2 years 3 months and we just brought baby brother home last week. She loves him and likes being a helper but is expressing big feelings about the change through tears and tantrums. I know it’s early, but anyone with experience have ideas for how we can help smooth the transition? We are already working to try to give her undivided time with each of us. Unfortunately daycare is closed for Covid because I really think that routine would be helpful.
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Any specific tantrum triggers?
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Have you watched the Baby Margaret episodes on Daniel Tiger?
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I don't have specific advice on the new sibling front but we went through a big transition with our girls at that time (moved states, changed nannies, started potty training) and it was a really hard age. I seriously cringe a little bit when I think about that phase in their lives, it was so hard with soooo many tantrums.
I am only chiming in here to say that you're not alone and it will pass. I leaned on some Daniel Tiger or other show breaks more liberally during that period and I don't regret it! I actually thought Daniel Tiger helped them with emotional regulation quite a lot...
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@MrsSRS: I would say that generally saying no or transitions is triggering. Can’t say it wouldn’t have happened anyway but it seems stronger now. We do try to give warnings but I’m not sure it helps. Honestly I think the loss of our normal routine is hurting, too.
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@Mrs. Starfish: we are big Daniel Tiger fans here too! I do sometimes hear her repeating the lessons (and it really helped with potty training!) when she’s not full tantrum and I has given her the ability to better express/name her emotions. I appreciate the perspective because I totally realize it could just be the age coupled with the loss of our normal routine 12 weeks ago and now this other change...
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Janet Lansbury has a couple of really good posts on welcoming a new baby! I found them really helpful.
Also, acknowledge that things are different, validate her feelings, and give her grace
️ Something else that helped us was to have a set time that was just DS1 and I—for us it was bedtime. DH took the baby (no matter how much he screamed) and I read DS1 a story or two and tucked him in.
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@skiierchck99: The one advice I got that helped a lot was to prioritize the older child's needs whenever possible. So if the older kid is hungry and the newborn is hungry to get the toddler a snack before you feed the baby. If both kids need a diaper change, change the older kid's first. The little one wont remember but the older child will. It really helped along with alone time etc and lots and lots of talking.
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@Pumuckl: I remember this sort of thing helping, too. We often coupled it with saying things out loud like, “It’ll be your turn soon, baby. I’m going to get big sister a snack first” and that helped my older one feel a little more heard.
Our first few months with a two year old and a baby were hard (so many tears...the baby...the two year old...me!), but trying to put the two year old first when possible really did help in the moment by moment stuff.
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@Pumuckl:
@caitcat: That’s a good reminder, thanks to both. I will try to be more conscious of this! It’s challenging because we’re still in the “it takes 45 minutes just to nurse and then I want to eat again an hour later” phase so there are a lot of times I do have to make her wait, but I can be more conscious of this at other times. -
Agree with @Pumuckl too. My 2nd and 3rd were 2 years and 1 month apart and it was tough. The middle had a tough time too but I made it a priority to put him first. Even if baby was screaming her head off, I would say things like, “wait, baby, older brother needs help first.” I exclusively nursed so it was difficult at times but just remembering to put middle first helped. Also, I had the middle help me with simple tasks to get him more involved like go bring me a diaper and cheer him on when he does.
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