Hi everyone! I have been starting to feelthat my DH and I should start TTC. How do I broach the subject with him without him shutting down and refusing to discuss it?
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WELCOME!!
How long have you been married?
I used to randomly talk about babies and our future babies with my husband. He didn't want to TTC until we were married for at least 5 years, but I got pregnant 8 months after we got married. -
We actually just got married in October, before we were married we would talk about babies and up until I said to him that I would like to actively try he was all up for talking about having babies, baby names, etc...
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Welcome as well. I guess not knowing you or your DH its hard to say. Is the forward approach too much? Just ask what he thinks or when HE was thinking and go from there!
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I think it just takes some time for him to get used to the idea. I talked to my husband a lot about having babies before we were married. He said he wanted to wait a year after marriage to start trying. That didn't last because we dated for so long. We just talked about it, looked at our ages (we're in our mid and upper 30's) and decided better now than later. He had to come to the decision on his terms, though...
I would suggest just talking to him about it. See how he feels, see what his timeline looks like and ask him questions about him. Let him know you've been thinking about it but would love to know what he thinks.
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He literally shuts down and refuses to talk about it when I bring it up now. Its really discouraging because he was so into it when we would talk about it before we were married. I know that we have a few challenges. I started a business 2 years and am trying to get it off the ground a little more, he still has another year of nursing school, and we are moving to NJ after that year. Any idea of how to let him know I understand about these road bumps but would like to set a timeline?
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Do you actually want to start TTC soon (like, in under a year), or do you feel that you “should” start TTC soon? It’s kind of unclear from your OP where you guys are at – and you might be at different places. When you bring up the topic, does he shut down conversation in the same way/for the same reason each time? Could you guys sit down and address his concerns, outside of discussing TTC? Like, if his concerns are financial, is it a specific monetary goal you could start working towards?
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This might sound ridiculous but, if he won't listen to you when you talk about it, can you write him a letter? Tell him how you feel, that you want to talk about it and want him to know what you're thinking. Definitely keep it light and informative and don't add in any "You won't listen to me, so I'm writing a letter" type of comments. If you just tell him what you're thinking and how you're feeling like that, it may help him open up to you. Sorry it's tough to get him to talk about it.
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Does he shut down because he's just not ready to consider having children and thinks the conversation is closed? Is he worried about the financial aspect? Too many life changes?
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I would like to start TTC in under a year. I just understand that maybe the above "road blocks" are what is holding back. I just dont know because he shuts down. I could say " Oh look how cute this pottery barn stuff is that your cousin posted", or while he was in his maternity rotation at school I would ask what names the babies had. If it has something to do with baby he shuts down.
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@mediagirl: That sounds like a good idea. I just wouldnt have a clue what to type, which is why I like talking to I can just communicate easier.
@Rubies: I have no clue what the deal is just what I posted above. I am pretty much the bread winner in our family so maybe that might be the issue. -
Welcome!
I would just sit him down and be open and honest. I would tell him that talking about it is something important to you, and you want to have a conversation about it. Don't
kGood luck!!!!
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Oh jeeze, sorry about that gap! My son was pushing buttons!!!!
I think I said "don't make it seem...."
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@Rosie Girl: Its ok! and thank you for the advice. What if we can not agree on a timeline? I feel like it shouldnt be something that either of us should compromise.
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welcome! if u got married in october, that's still early on in the marriage! i'd say enjoy this time alone! why do you feel you "should" start ttcing? is there a reason why your hubby doesn't want to discuss it?
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@tequiero21: I never thought in a million years that I would want to have a baby so quickly.I just have this like feeling that I cant explain. My family also has a lot of fertility issues and every female in my family has to have complete hysterectomies by 30
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@MrsChaney: well that's totally understandable. i'd say just let your hubby know why you want to start earlier and maybe you guys could come to an agreement on the timeline. GOOD LUCK!
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@MrsChaney: I think if you both have different time ideas, you will have to compromise, meet in the middle time wise. Or, decide that in X amount of time, you will revisit the subject to see how you are both feeling. Maybe by that time, you will both have had a change of heart on a time. But at least setting a time, or setting a time to revisit the subject, will give you some peace of mind and then you can just enjoy each other without having it nagging at the corner of your brain!
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I would also tell him about your family's fertility issues. My issues were a major reason why we started so soon.
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@Rosie Girl: He is fully aware of the issues! Which is why it bugs me so much that he just shuts down/
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