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Does he have a lovey or take a paci? You might want to introduce one of those things so you can "trade down" sleep associations.

Also, it sounds like you want a method that will work without any crying--unfortunately, I think some crying is to be expected, regardless of whether you do CIO or more "gentle" sleep training methods. So I would try to get comfortable with that idea as it will make the process easier on you!

@MrsADS: have you looked at the pick up put down method?

http://www.babysleep101.com/2014/04/sleep-training-series-part-four-pick-up-and-put-down/

he might be too old at this point tho...

We've done sleep training here and there throughout LOs almost 12 months. I'm not into extinction CIO but I wasn't completely against crying. So we did crying with checks. I never let him cry hysterically EVER and we never let him cry for more then 10 min. I call it cry but it's more of a whine.
I think the biggest piece of the puzzle is getting him to fall asleep on his own without nursing or rocking. That realization made me super sad since I actually liked nursing to sleep. In the end my desire for a full nights sleep won out. The first time we sleep trained he cry/fuss/whined for 7 min and was asleep. (Like I said, never full out hysterical crying) We're now down to one nightly wake up and in the past week my husband has started giving a small bottle at that wake up. That has resulted in LO waking up once around 3/4am to once around 5/6am. I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel!
Good luck. Having a crap sleeper is no fun!!!

@MrsADS: I think if he is taking in so many calories overnight, it' sgoing to be hard to get him to eat more during the day--he needs to be hungrier during the day so he eats more then. Maybe try decreasing the length of nursing sessions by a few minutes at a time? And then using whatever soothing mechanism you pick when he is upset after you stop.

@MrsADS: I speak German with my kids so it probably doesn't help you much. It roughly translates to "sleep tight, sweet dreams".

@MrsADS: I feel your pain! I'm going through this now with my 8 month old. I also really really do not want to sleep train. I'm ok with crying if we are there but won't let him cry hysterically to sleep. I Was also feeling like he was waking up so much because I'm gone at work all day and he wanted to spend some time with me. Cue major mom guilt. Ugh it's so hard. We introduced a lovey like yesterday, and surprisingly, he only woke up once last night. I have my fingers crossed for tonight!

@MrsADS: can you have your DH give a bottle at bedtime instead? not sure if you have time to pump, i know it's hard. we also supplement with formula since my supply is measly - maybe too late in the game for that for you guys since your LO is almost a year...

Here is the explanation, copied from the toddler version ebook. It is almost identical to the baby version, but you can hop over to Amazon and buy the baby version if you want to read more.

"Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan
Your little one falls asleep at bedtime breastfeeding, and then he wakes in the night to breastfeed again until he is totally back to sleep. He follows this pattern each time he wakes up. The problem here is that when he experiences those normal wake-ups between sleep cycles he becomes confused and disoriented, looking for his sleep aid. In order for his very strong sleep association to change, he needs to learn how to fall asleep without the sensation of nursing so that he doesn't look to re-create that sleep condition when he wakes in the night.

In order to take the steps to change your child's sucking-to-sleep association, you must complicate night wakings for a week or even a month. But in the long run you can wean your child from using your breast as his only nighttime association. I wish it were simpler, but you must be prepared to disrupt your own nights for a while to make some important, worthwhile long-term changes.

How to Use Pantley's Gentle Removal for Toddlers and Preschoolers
A helpful first step is to create a phrase that means, "We're all done nursing." You'll want to first use this during the day at the end of each nursing session. As you finish nursing and are moving your child off your lap and closing up your clothing, repeat your phrase two or three times. Choose your own phrase, based on your personality and your child's age, but it could be something like, "All done. Milk is all done. Bye-bye, milk." This becomes a cue phrase to close your nursing sessions and will be helpful in the middle of the night or too early in the morning, when you would like your child to stop nursing and go to sleep.

When your child wakes up in the night and wants to nurse, go ahead and nurse him as you normally have. Remember that a toddler or preschooler is most likely waking not because he is hungry but because he wants comfort and considers nursing as his method of falling back to sleep. So what you'll do, instead of letting him fall asleep at the breast, is to let him nurse for only a few minutes until his sucking slows and he is relaxed and sleepy. Make sure your child is done "eating" (when she is not actively sucking and swallowing, but just pacifying). Then you'll want to take your nursling off the breast. There are several ways to do this, depending on what works for you.
• Break the seal with your finger, and gently remove the nipple from her mouth.
• Use a quicker, more confident break with your finger. If you are sitting and nursing her, then immediately move her up to your chest and hold her snugly while you swing, sway, rock, pat, shh, or otherwise comfort her.
• If you are lying beside her, use the quick, confident release, and then shift your breasts away from her face (perhaps turn on your tummy somewhat) while patting, rubbing, or doing whatever soothes her.
Don't use your closing phrase just yet! Often, especially at first, your child will be confused and want to continue nursing, because that's what she has always done. Try to shift your breast away from her. You may be able to very gently hold her mouth closed with your finger under her chin, or apply pressure or pat her chin just under her lip (this helps to ease her from sucking to stillness), and at the same time rock or sway with her and say, "Shhh. Go to sleep now." If she struggles or fusses and you foresee a battle, go ahead and let her nurse a bit more, since you don't want her to become totally awake and start crying, but repeat the removal process as often as necessary until she finally falls asleep. How long between removals? Every child is different, but about ten to thirty seconds between removals usually works. If your child is a young toddler and has slept five or more hours, she may be hungry and need a longer session. You'll be able to tell this if she is sucking strongly and swallowing regularly, so wait a few minutes until she slows her pace. You'll not want to remove in the middle of a letdown, either, unless you're prepared to hold your hand over your breast to stop the milk flow. It may take two, three, five, or even more attempts, but eventually your child will accept being off the breast and will accept the loss of the nipple, get comfortable, and begin to fall asleep without the nipple in her mouth. This is when you say your closing phrase! (Quietly!) This way you create a connection between the closing phrase and her actually being finished nursing.

When you've done this a number of times over a period of days, you should find that the removals are much easier, and your little one's awakenings are less frequent. You can then begin to use your closing phrase earlier in the process and begin to be more persistent in ending the nursing session. As Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan begins to work, it's a good idea to pull off sooner and sooner in the process, and one day your child will surprise you by pulling off on her own. But to get there, you must have consistency on your part.

At first, your gentle removal might look something like this:
Your child wakes up and begins to nurse vigorously. Her eyes close, and her sucking rate slows. You gently remove your nipple. Your nursling moves her open mouth toward you, looking to nurse. You try rocking and hugging, but she'll have none of that! You put her back to the breast. Count: one thousand, two thousand, three thousand, … ten thousand.* You gently remove your nipple. She moves her open mouth toward you. You try stalling, shushing, and patting, but no dice. You put her back to the breast. Count: one thousand, two thousand, three thousand, …* You gently remove your nipple. Your sleepy child moves her mouth a little, and you gently hold her mouth closed by pressing lightly on her chin. She doesn't resist; she is nearly asleep. You say your closing phrase. You move your child away from you in bed, or place your child in her own bed, and pat her bottom to settle her. She goes to sleep. ________________ *The counting is really more for you, to give you a gauge to measure your time and a way to keep yourself calm during your repeated attempts. You can be flexible as you figure out what time spacing works best for you and your child.

Repeat the gentle removal process every night until your little one learns that she can fall asleep without nursing. If your child is a relatively good napper or if you're dedicated to making a more rapid change, you can use the technique for putting her to sleep at naptime, too. If your child doesn't nap well or if you have the patience, don't trouble yourself with trying too hard to use the removal technique during the day for naps, since you both may end up frustrated. Remember that good naps mean better nighttime sleep—and better nighttime sleep means better naps. It's a circle. Once you get your child sleeping better at night, you can then work on the naptime sleep. As soon as you solve the nighttime association, however, and create a daily nap routine, the nap-time sleep may solve itself."

I night weened at 11 months. Dh went in for all night wakings and there was no nursing no matter what until 5am. It took 3 nights with lots of fussing but he got it and that was it, no more night nursing and very few night wakings. When he was getting less milk at night he started eating more during the day.

Crying alone was not an option for us, he would get so crazy and not calm down. If I went in he would claw at my clothing. But dh could calm him. Now at 16 months, dh still deals with night wakings... but also I am 30 weeks pregnant and so tired. We've had some growth spurts where he wakes at night asking for food and we feed him and he goes back to bed, that will be a few days here and there.

@MrsADS: I feel your pain! My almost one year old is a night nurser. I thought it might stop when she got good at solids and bottles (nope). I thought it might stop when her top teeth came through (nope). I've sort of tried sleep training, both the kind where you comfort the kid but don't nurse, and the kind where I passed out on the bed next to the crib because I was too tired to pick her up. I've tried getting DH to put her to bed (works very well... but only when I'm not home).

Now she goes to bed in her crib, but I take her into our bed some time between 12 and 2 am. She can fall asleep on her own, but she doesn't want to if she can nurse instead.

I'm so so tired. BUT. I've noticed that when DS was in day care at that age, we were both so miserable about it. We wanted more time together. With DD, both me and her are handling the transition to day care much easier, and I wonder if I've got cosleeping to thank for that. Maybe it makes a difference that we can bond and catch up at night, exhausting as it is.