Hellobee Boards

@ RED- I just keep telling myselft to understand. I dont think they mean to talk down to me. I understand that having a baby changes everything and thats all they can seem to talk about, or something that they have that I dont that they have "up" on me. But on the same hand its just really getting old and I hate feeling like DH and I are dummies, dont have a clue, and dont have kids because we arent "ready". Its all the "oh NO YOU will see one day, you can never understand until you have your own (like my SD does not count)" and comments like that.

@MRSBELLS- I am aware that everyone is different, and in no way was I trying to portray I was judging them.

"Now I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with this and that's fine and I am happy for them all. I just feel like I am in a world of my own and have no one that can relate"

"NOT THAT I AM saying that's not OK, I get it, it is."

I guess this would be they KEY statement of what I was trying to portray that I am feeling: "This is my opinion and I know it does not mean that's how everyone should be, but what I am saying, is that because we choose to do this, does not mean we are immature or not ready, and I am just tired of feeling that way because how we are "talked to" now. "

it all comes down to just not having anyone to relate to. I am glad we have a plan, I know there is nothing wrong with us. And we both feel more comfortable having things in line for our future children and esptablishing what WE feel comfortable with. I just hate feeling like we are immature and "not ready" and that is why we have nto had children. We would be more than fine if we had a child now. We already have one. My beautiful SD. But its like we "dont know, and we will see...." etc...

Thanks ladies for letting me vent. I really just dont feel I have anyone I can talk to about this. ; )

@NODAK- I keep meaning to respond and kept forgetting. I cant beleive your friend said that to you! I think my jaw would have hit the floor! Oh my!

No I live on the West Coast. But like I did say before. DH and I are Military and so the whole have babies young thing is common. I keep trying to find "groups" and other couples to hang with and every year or two we are back into this situation now where there seems to be no one in our "situation" or that we can relate to that are even close to us in age or relationship etc... or they move away and PCS to another duty station.

@Navy_Mommy- I totally see where you are coming from, and in no means do I mean to come off as judgemental. I am not assuming they were unplanned and would never "assume" (You know the saying about assuming hehe) they were unplanned. I am going off the flat out statement of them telling me their unexpected surprise, with the exception of ONE who admited to me she had baby fever because everyone else was having babies and was going to start trying and now is PG. The rest I either honestly knew before husbands/Finace's knew (MORE than once I was there with them when they POAS, even one texted the pic of the HPT to me to confirm if the line was there or not). I think that alone at least says something about me. I am supportive of my friends and still very much try to be, the fact that they came to me with it before others or what not I think says something. The fact that I sat them down as they freaked out over it and how it wasnt planed and what are they going to do, and where to start, and I tell them everything is going to be OK, take one day at a time, and that they will be great Mommy and Daddy's etc... I am VERY happy for them all, seriously I am, and I seriously threw some redic baby showers resulting with my DH upset with me for how crazy i went and how much I spent on each of these friends ( so many last year yikes lol) to give them their own special day.
I totally get the safety net, and like I said before, I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, because it is just that...SAFE.
I am just saying that because DH and I choose to wait, and have other things in line, why must we feel like we are judged because of it as if something was wrong with us. I totally get that having children changes EVERYTHING, I do! I have a SD even though some think its different because she does not live with us, but whatever I dissagree. Anywho...its just that because we are still sticking to our plan and still waiting, does not make it OK for others to hold over our head what we "dont know" and are missing out on among many other comments. Like I said, I get that having children is life changing, but its a bit much when you go from oops, and freaking out, and I am there and being a supportive friend...to now acting better than those who are still wiating, and choosing to wait. The little side comments are not necessary and thats why I am hurt and what I was trying to vent about. I am NOT trying to judge, I was merely trying to lay out the situation, and how I dont feel its fair that we are being judged. I am the type of person who feels guilty easilly, people RARELY see me upset because I tend to hide that so well. I am not a confrontational person and would never have the heart to say anything to these ladies because I AM happy for them, and the last think I would want is for them to take it like you did Navy_mom. I would feel horrible because thats not my intentions at ALL! I vent here because here its easy to vent w/o the fear of hurting someones feelings. I just find it easier to be the one hurt, and try to brush it off, instead of accidentally hurting someones else by taking this up with them directly, but sometimes you need to let it out and vent...and so here I am...

DH and I have been in the military for 10 plus years. Seeing as I was Active Duty myself. Most my friends are naturaly AD as well. I DO have friends of course who are not, but it is more natural to have AD friends. I try ever so hard but I also find myself always "lured" back to shop talk and Military ways because I was there, and still am just now as a Civilian working for the Military. Also, now that I am a Military spouse and given my DH position/rank we are more entitled to work friends and me making friends with fellow spouses. But yes, I DO have friends also outside the Military and what not of course. LOL

Just to add and keep it short (sorry my venting and built up frustrations over this have led to lengthy responses). Like prev said. I do have an beautiful SD. She is 8 years old and I have been in her life since she was 3. My Dh was in his very early 20's when he had her and its NOT because of his divorce from her mother and gears his want to wait longer this time, its because he does want to have a home, and a better income to be able to provide more than he could back then with his future children. Yet another reason why it does "cut" to have the side comments and even the comments about how there will be such an "age gap" with our children.

@ Navy_Mommy- It a lot of the "You have no idea" or "Its a Mommy thing, you will see one day" "You can never know until you just experience it yoruself" <--mommy stuff not birth,
OK, so one in particular is very heavey non stop with comments like this. Its gotten so old. And OK yes set aside the fact that I went to college for Childcare, worked in childcare, and then for two+ years lived with and helped physically and financially raise my godchild from newborn to toddler(Litereally..had my own diaper bag, car seat, took turns getting up in the middle of the night with him, drop off/pick up daycare etc...) YES, set all that aside I have NOT had a child of my own and I KNOW that is different. BUT, I do take offense to it because I DO consider myself a mommy. I have an 8 yr old like I said, she is old enough to KNOW I am not her real mommy, and has understood this for years, and still chooses to call my mommy, says she wishes I was her real Mommy etc... (rough custody issues)
So its irritating because 1-people act like she does not count because we dont have her ALL the time or 2- the forget all together.
It really is irritating to be treated like dumies, or that we have no clue and all the other examples I put out there. Especially seeing as its not just me being "touchy" or anything, and seeing my husbands expressions when certain comments are made because he DOES have a child, we DO! For example, someone asked for DH if they wanted to hold their baby, he said sure. They made a comment how it will be good practice for him. He just chuckled and I did too. I laughed and was like "Oh this is true, but little more of a refresher for him". We got the "Ohhhhhhhh yeah thats right...that right you have your daugher. Oh yeah thats right? Wow! Thanks for forgetting. I am sorry she DOES count. You dont see me going around being like OMG y0u have NO IDEA, JUST you wait, you will see, when your child is a toddler, or in school and they do this or that...you have no idea, just you wiat, you can never truly know till you experience it etc.....Does that make sense?