I wanted to get some second opinions of how to handle something. Long story, sort of short 
My son was upset after his first day of 1st grade because two other classes were given a "first day of school surprise" of a fancy multicolored pen and a notebook. His class got a pencil and page of number stickers. To be fair, I understand why he was upset and wish the teachers had coordinated together. But I tried to use this as a time to explain that not everyone gets all the things all the time, even if it's disappointing. I mentioned it to my parents the next day. And told them specifically that I tried to use it as a teaching experience.
Side note: DS is an only child and has plenty of toys. But I wouldn't call him totally entitled or spoiled. He's pretty good about thinking about others, not demanding toys, and sharing.
So yesterday a wrapped gift and fancy multicolored pen showed up on our doorstep (from my parents). First, I was annoyed that they ignored the fact that I wanted to teach him to not feel entitled to all things, all the time. But I was planning to give him the gifts. UNTIL... he looked at the small wrapped gift and said, "the other classes got big fat notebooks and this is just something small." WHOA. No way. So I told him he needed to appreciate the things he had and be thankful and that he could not have the gifts that day.
So now I'm trying to think of how he can either earn them back or whether he should just get to open the gift and get the pen tomorrow. (he was very upset yesterday but hasn't asked about them today yet) I thought about making him choose 2 toys to donate, in addition to calling my parents to say thank you. But maybe I'm being too harsh? I don't know. WWYD?
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My daughters in first grade too. I think I would have done the same. I would also make my daughter write out a thank you note to grandparents.
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I think you did great so far. We often do “do overs” for something like this. So tomorrow I would explain an appropriate reaction to a gift and give him a chance to pretend he’s seeing it for the first time and act appropriately. I like @misolee’s idea too if a thank you note (maybe using the new paper and pen
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I’d not give him the gift. He doesn’t need it. “Earning” it back always seems superficial to me, to be honest. I’d tell my parents again that I was trying to use it as a teachable moment, and this gift only made the problem worse—even if they had good intentions. Them doing this without consulting you crosses a boundary, so they shouldn’t be rewarded for trying to undermine your authority.
I would have him write a thank you letter to his teacher for the gifts he received, but he should expect nothing in return. Personally, I feel that doing that or donating toys in order to earn back the gift has a high chance of being internalized as, “I’m doing x to get y.”
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@Chuckles: I don’t know what I would do, but I will say i could absolutely see my 6 year old doing exactly this. So the fact that you didn’t explode and scream then and there means you’re doing better than I am. It drives me absolutely insane and I can’t figure out how to get her to understand.
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@JennyPenny: I like this idea. I'd give him the gift and say "you know what, if someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you and it doesn't come out perfect, you still should thank them instead of making them regret trying." It does sink in eventually. Six year olds can be truly ridiculous about stuff, and taking it away will feel like way more punishment than deserved.
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Thanks, all! I like the idea of calling it a do over and having him write a thank you note with the pen. I didn't want to take it away entirely - that felt like more punishment than necessary. I think this will be a good way to let him practice a better response.
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I def would make him do something! I'm with you!
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I'd make DD write a thank you note and then if she seemed to get it and show remorse I'd give the gift to her.. but if she was still not "getting" it I'd probably give it to someone else/donate it.
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@JennyPenny: Love the idea of a "Do Over" - I'm totally using that in the future for all kinds of things!
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