Someone very close to me lost her baby around 20 weeks. It was obviously completely devastating. Her due date is coming up in a few days and I'm wondering what an appropriate thing to do or say would be. I want to be supportive but I don't want to make her feel worse than she will already be feeling. I will see her on her due date, if that makes a difference.
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I don't really have experience with this but i have an old friend who lost a baby at birth. I remember her posting later on Facebook that she wanted her baby to be remembered and said that for her, she was always thinking of her lost baby and felt loved and supported knowing others thought of her too and that her baby wasn't forgotten. I'm not sure what the best way of talking about it is, but I'm sure your friend is obviously going to be thinking about her baby that day and for me, I would appreciate that a friend was thinking of me and the baby too instead of acting like it is any other normal day. (I'm not saying you would ignore it... Just trying to explain my thought process.)
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I wouldn't worry about making her sad, she'll be sad anyway. I'd say something like "I'm thinking of you today. I can't imagine how rough the past few months have been"
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I would probably just say something like "I know this day must be incredibly hard for you, and I'm here for you if there is anything at all I can do to support and love you"
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You are such a kind friend.
We lost our third son at 18.5 weeks and his due date will be extremely difficult for us. Having friends or family remember and acknowledge it will, I know, mean a lot to me. A nice idea might be to get her a magnolia tree for her to plant in remembrance of her lost child. Someone did that for us and it means a lot to me. Also, my December 2014 moms sent us wind chimes inscripted with his name. They are beautiful and honestly are so comforting to me. The biggest thing is remembering when so many others will forget or Just not mention it, and you are already doing that.
In terms of what to say, I would just tell her that you are thinking of her and her baby (if he or she had a name and you are comfortable using it, I would....people underestimate the power of even using a lost baby's name) and that you are here for her. Whatever comes from your heart.
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Remembering her due date will mean the world to her. I'd just say that you are thinking of her and the baby. Since you are going to see her the same day perhaps you can bring her a cupcake. Seriously, acknowledgment + a sweet treat would have brightened my day the first anniversary.
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Like others have said, just acknowledging that you know it is her due date will mean a lot. We lost our girl at 22 weeks and the due date was extremely difficult. I had a friend go through a similar situation a year earlier and she has been a tremendous support. On our due date she dropped off a little care package that had a butterfly theme. Butterflies are a sign for lost babies/children. She gave me a beautiful scarf with butterflies, magnets with butterflies and a little journal with a butterfly on it. It meant a lot. My best friend also gave me a pandora charm with her due date birth month stone which was very special. Anything you do will be very nice and your friend will appreciate it.
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I agree with other posters- bring her baby up, say his/her name, tell her you love her. We lost our son at 23 weeks, and his due date was very hard- not all of my friends/family even acknowledged it, so the fact that you remember and will reach out to her is so nice.
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Definitely agree with the previous posts. Mention baby's name, tell her you're thinking of her and her baby. My best friend dropped off flowers and a decoration to my daughter's grave and we didn't know until we visited later - it was a sweet surprise. My mom had sent me a Willow Tree Angel earlier that week. My cousin who owns a jewelry shop made me a beautiful necklace that had the birthstone for my baby's due date month and a butterfly. You could get her a necklace or bracelet with the baby's initial.
Trust me, you will not make her feel worse by bringing up her baby - she'll already be thinking constantly of everything that day and it will mean a lot to her that you are taking the time to remember. I lost my baby at 23 weeks and the biggest thing for me is that people continue to remember her as a person and that she had a huge impact on our lives.
Another idea not mentioned already is a "Sunshine Box" - if you google or go on Pinterest, you'll see ideas. My sister did this for me a couple weeks after my baby died. We also appreciated when people sent us Edible Arrangements - having something healthy to snack on was nice.
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