I know there have been many posts about one-and-done, but I haven't seen any of them specifically reference the lack of siblings. DS is 9.5 months, and I'm 90% certain we are one-and-done. But I grew up with a sister and so did DH and I worry about DS not having that experience. He has cousins, but they are several states away. Is not having siblings a big deal?
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My husband is an only child and always wanted a sibling when he was younger. But he said once he got older, he didn't really care that much.
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Not really, IMO. I have a brother but he is 8 years older than me and we didn't hang out or really have any relationship as children. I guess as adults it's nice to know he's there should I really need him... but to be honest I don't have much of a relationship with him now either. I don't really feel like my life is lacking for not having a sibling BFF.
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I grew up as an only child with no family anywhere close to us. I just had really close friends growing up. I'm still friends with most of them today
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My DH was an only child for 11 years and loved it. haha. I have two sisters, who I love, but we're not super close. We are one and done and have faith that she will have loving family even if she has no siblings.
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@banana: Thanks for sharing your husband's experience. I have an older sister but always wanted a younger sibling growing up, so I guess we often want what we don't have.
@mae: Good point. Even though DH has a sister, they are not close at all.
@mamaj: I'm so glad to hear about that you had such great friends growing up and still do today. My FIL has always regretted being an only child, so it's reassuring to hear from someone who had a good experience.
@chrispygal: Thanks for your input. Sometimes people say, "when are you going to give your LO siblings." It really frustrates me!
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We were one and done for 10 years, and then changed our minds. DH is an only child and he didn't mind, but our oldest has no first cousins {my siblings don't/won't have children} and that made me a little sad for him.
Was giving him a sibling the motivating factor in having a baby? No. Did it factor in significantly? Yes. Ultimately, we really wanted another child, and we were blessed with another one.
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@Mae: same, except that my brother is 8 years younger. I never wished for siblings as a kid and would have happily reverted to being an only child if I could have...it took us a long time to like each other and even as adults we're not very close.
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This is the thing about being one and done that I struggle with the most. I was, for all intents and purposes, an only child (had a half brother at my dad's house, but he was 7 years younger than me, so I was an only child for a long time and even after he was born the age difference was so vast that we weren't close growing up). I was thinking about it the other day and 90% of the time I was happy being an only. The only times I wished for a sibling was when we were on trips or at places (like amusement parks) when it would have been nice to have someone else with whom to do things. But once I got to a certain age I just brought friends along.
I read the book One and Only in the summer and it debunked a lot of myths about siblings. I won't deny that they can be an incredibly valuable part of life, but at the same time, if we had another child, the only reason we would, would be to give DD a sibling and, for us, that isn't a good enough reason to have another baby.
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@heartonastring: I forgot about that book; I'll have to check it out. I agree that giving DS a sibling is not a good enough reason for us to have another baby, either.
@purplepeony: My sister is 6 years older than me. We went through periods of times when we were close and then when we weren't.
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I was only an only child for my first 21 months of life, but I will say from the perspective of someone who did have a sibling that was close in age, that my sister is a huge reason why I so very badly wanted to give my DD a sibling. My sister is my favorite person and we did everything together, even went to college together. Our parents divorced and our lives were no where near perfect- we definitely had our share of fights, but I seriously love my little sister so much. We "get" each other in a way none of our cousins or friends do, and we've been there for each other through everything. My DD gets her own sister very soon and I'm over the moon they'll be the same age distance as my sister and I are.
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I hope not. My LO is an only AND she doesn't have any 1st cousins.
I had a sister growing up I wish she did because I always had a built in friend.
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We're one and one, the only thing I struggle with is what will happen when my son is an adult and only one of his parents is around. I worry that he will feel obligated to entertain us all the time because we have no where else to go. I hope my daughter in law likes me!
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I grew up as an only child with relatives and cousins too far away to hang out with. I always dreamed of having a sibling, specifically a sister to share my thoughts and childhood with. However, I was a social butterfly so befriended amazing childhood friends whom I still keep in touch with. They are like the sisters I wanted but never had.
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@Katrocap: I constantly wonder about this, too. We can't afford another child and are one and done (as much as we would like to have another one). All of my lo's cousins live at least 5 hours away and are 8+ years older than her. Her closest cousin in age lives on the other side of the country and they have yet to meet (he's turning 2 this month).
Our daughter goes to daycare now and we think that's good for her social skills, learn them early. We hope she has lots of close friends and that helps ease the pain of not having a sibling.
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@looch: I am my mum's only child and my stepdad passed away 2.5 years ago. I will say that the first year after he died was incredibly difficult for both my mum and me, as we were both grieving and I so badly wanted to carry part of her burden for her (not possible), but since then it's been a lot better. My mum and I were always very close to begin with, so I never feel like spending time with her is an obligation. DH and I, as well as DH's family, include her in all our get-togethers and special events, but it's not because we feel that we HAVE to; we just enjoy spending time together
@Kimberlybee: One and Only talks quite a bit about how onlies tend to foster incredibly strong, long lasting friendships to kind of take the place of siblings in their lives. This has certainly been true for me!
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My husband is an only child (gained a step-sister of his same age and step-brothers 15+ years older in high school) and never longed for a sibling. He has always had a great group of close friends; and comes from a large extended family who live 3k miles from us now.
I have 1 sibling, and we've never been very close. I mean, we love each other as siblings, but we are very different people and would not be friends if we were not related.
For some people, the grass is always greener. Lots of only kids really want a sibling - but their "dream" of what it would be like to actually have a sibling isn't always a realistic picture, KWIM?
I don't think you miss out not having a sibling, I mean...my brother and I had a ton of fun sometimes, but I don't think my life would feel incomplete had I been an only child.
I had a sister growing up I wish she did because I always had a built in friend.
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