I just wanted to write something, and I hope by writing this I am starting to get over it, as it is an event I think about every day.

Exactly one year ago was one of the scariest moments of my life. I found out I was pregnant at 10 weeks on 1/21/12. We celebrated and were thrilled, excited, and nervous all at the same time. We told my mom and two close friends and that was all. Since I found out on a Friday around 5 that I was pregnant, and my ob had moved from one state to another, I planned on going into work early on Monday to talk to our secretary to see if I could leave early that day to make a doctor's appointment and do some other things. I got to work about 6:45 and set my stuff down when I felt a huge gush like I had just peed my pants.

I thought, "Hm...that's weird..." I went to the bathroom and saw blood everywhere. I immediately panicked. My work was pretty empty at that time, but I found a friend who was able to take me to the ER. By the time I got to the ER about 10-15 minutes later I had bled all the way through my pants onto the seat of the car and was sure I was having a m/c. Worst. feeling. in. the. world.

When I got to the ER it was empty. The nurse saw how much I was bleeding and got me into a room. As soon as I got into a gown, I had another "gusher" and bled all over the floor. By this point I was hysterical and my husband was about 2 hours away.

Long story, short-I bled for over an hour before I had a sonogram and got to see the baby's heartbeat. Relief. The sonographer said it was probably either a twin m/c or very large SCH. By the time I saw a doctor, and got discharged I was drained. I don't know why I can't let go. It's something I think about every day and it is hard for me to believe it has been one whole year since that happened. I just felt like if I wrote about it I would really be able to get it off my chest and I feel like this date has just been creeeeping up.

I am so lucky that I had a bouncing, beautiful baby boy who is 5 months old and the LIGHT of my life. I just always wonder and cling to what could have been too. Also, I had called the on-call OB and they weren't going to see me for two weeks. I wasn't having that and called around and got in with my current OB who put me on meds to stop the bleeding and possibly prevent m/c. I just get so amazed and think all the time about fate and how things turned out.

All I can say is this though...BLESSED! (Sorry if this isn't the forum for all this, it has just been weighing on me for weeks/months as this date has gotten closer...)