If you have adopted a child, or are planning to in the future, will you keep the case open or closed?
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closed for sure. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with open. Not to say closed is better or anything like that. Its just personally I would want it to be closed.
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Probably open, or semi-closed. If the birth parents wanted closed we would respect their wishes.
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Ours is I guess what you consider "semi-open." We have agreed to send pictures yearly to the birth mother. A meeting will only take place if DD requests it and she is old enough to make the decision on her own. It has been less than a year and throughout the first couple of months the birth mother would text me for pictures and to see how she was doing and I was fine sending replies because I felt that it helped with the healing process on her side to know that she is happy, healthy and safe. My biggest concern is that any meetings/communications happen on our daughters timeline, when she is comfortable.
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Ours is pretty open. We send pictures and letters every month to our son's birth mom and will continue to do so indefinitely. We also have received letters from her and have texted back and forth a little bit too. We would love to get together with her if she wanted to in the future, but we're leaving that up to her- whenever she is ready.
During our classes, the agency really emphasized how in many cases, open adoption is best for the child and can eliminate some of the questions and insecurities they may have as they are growing up. I felt a little iffy about it, but once we met our son's birthmom, we really loved her and couldn't imagine not having her as a part of his life.
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@loveletter: It's good to read your response. We have several friends that have built a similarly wonderful relationship with the birthmom, and it's been really encouraging for me to watch. On the other hand, others have had tough times with their closed adoptions. I know that it's not that cut and dry, but it has been interesting to watch and has helped us figure out what we may pursue in the future.
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I respect and see the merit of both, but it would be closed for us if ever we did it.
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We are planning on adopting internationally, so those are typically closed.
My sister adopted from the daughter of one of BILs coworkers, so they have a very open adoption in that the boys' bio grandparents and bio brother come to family events (like birthdays) but the bio mom has chosen to not participate for the first few years.
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Open. I think in many (most?) cases it is what's best for the child both from articles and personal experience.
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Ditto @mkp17:
Our situation is almost identical to hers.
To everyone saying "closed", it isn't always an easy decision and isn't always what's best for the situation.
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Ours is open with court ordered visitations and I don't think it's ideal or what's in the best interest of my son, but it is the way it worked out. If I ever adopted again I would prefer semi open.
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We're likely doing international so it would be closed. However, a family friend just did a "homecoming" trip with her teenage daughter and she got to meet her foster parents and they did reach out to her birthmom but she declined. I think someday that could be a nice opportunity.
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Ours was supposed to be semi-open (pictures and letters twice a year), but has evolved to open. (Birthdays face to face and lots of email). It works for us.
I blogged about open vs closed (I know this is an old thread... but still...)
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12 comments