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When we were looking into childcare options, I told mr. Cowboy that I didn't want my mom to watch lil CB. Not because I don't love her and think she's awesome, but because I didn't want to blur the lines. I had such fond memories of going to visit my grandparents' house and staying over on the weekends, etc. and they were always such special treats. I wanted to help make sure that CB had a similar experience and relationship with his grandparents and not have them worry about disciplining him on a day to day basis while caring for him or have him not want to go grandma's house every morning. Plus, we also wanted CB around other kiddos, which he loved.

I said "other" mainly because I would modify it if possible. I'd offer to pay her the cost of the commute and have her come to you, if possible. My Mom watches J and we are unbelievably lucky, she gives him the personal care that he wouldn't get at a daycare (which is lucky since he's a kind of fussy baby). We pay her $20/day and don't have to pay for the days he isn't at her house which we wouldn't get at a daycare.

I've provided all of the toys/pack & play, etc but we've been able to borrow a lot of duplicate "big" things (bouncer, exersaucer) from friends who have kiddos who are just a little older. She still sees him at other times but I feel like they have a great relationship, she can discipline him but it's not a disadvantage to their relationship and she doesn't feel that way either. She's actually looking at relocating with us when we move this summer.

I hope that helps, it's just my two cents

We went through this same dilemma when we had our LO. We ultimately decided daycare because we wanted Grandma to have fun Grandma times, and not every day for 8 hours. We are fortunate to have her there when LO can't go to daycare because of closings/weather/mild illness. Our LO is also only 9 months old, but the things that she learns from the other children just amazes me. She loves hanging out with the other little babies her age.

The downside is that she is sick all. the. time. But for the socialization she gets, its worth it.

I really think it depends on what you and your DH's main priorities and concerns are for your babe.

As for our personal situation, my mom comes to our house to watch DS and it's something that money can't buy for us, we decided early on in our pregnancy that this is what we were going to do for child care. DH even admitted that for him/us- he didn't feel comfortable with anyone besides my mom while DS is still so young.

My mom wouldn't accept money, but we're forcing her to for all that she does--$200/week. Sometimes she stays over, sometimes she commutes (20 min one way), and it's going really well so far (first week). There isn't anyone else that I'd so freely tell what to do/what not to do-- and I second the sleep! DS started STTN last week and I'm so grateful to not have to change his current routine. I also work from home two/three days a week and it's great to h ave her support but aslo great to be able to give her a day off on my light days.

We are def going to look into part time day care as DS gets older for the socialization aspect. As far as illnesses, I hear it's now in daycare or later during preschool/kindergarten- so that's something that's going to come our way sooner or later!

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: It's only about 10 minutes, so we're all lucky there. And just so you all don't think he only spends his time with a senior citizen, he gets socialization at least a few times a week with other LO's his age and Mom takes him to the reading time once a week at the library for kiddos. It's funny because my mom and I aren't all that close, but we've never EVER had the awkward situations that some people have with grandparent's watching kiddos, I probably wouldn't see her all that often (meaning she wouldn't see J much) if she wasn't watching him so this is a really nice way for her to get to see him, make some cash (this is her "job") and still have a relationship with me. I do realize that our situation isn't ideal for all people though. I just wanted to show that it CAN work, but maybe not for everyone

I really really like having my LO in daycare if I can't be the primary caregiver. They keep a very detailed sheet about her day and she gets a lot of interaction. She's always so happy when I pick her up! I think if my mom or MIL were with her all day I would feel jealous that it wasn't me. Maybe that's just me though?

I basically have your options and we are 100% on the daycare train. My mom lives about 40 minutes away, though it's pretty close to DH's office. I love my mom- she is seriously my best friend, I love that my parents have an awesome relationship with LO (who they see at least once, often twice a week), she adores little kids and is super patient, and she does try to follow our instructions. That said, I also really love that I don't blur those lines. I appreciate the fact that I never feel bad about asking my parents to take LO for a Friday night here, a Sunday afternoon there, or for a full day or two or more if daycare is closed or LO is sick. Because she's not already with him 40 hours/week, I don't ever feel like we're imposing to ask her to watch LO, and I don't worry about her feeling like she can't do her own stuff, or worrying about what she'll do if she needs to go to the doctor or get other stuff done when we're counting on her to watch LO full-time. Hanging out with the grandparents remains special fun and stress-free time.
Also, while my mom does try to follow our instructions, she's kind of a pushover sometimes about things like no screen time, or LO wanting to eat crackers instead of vegetables, etc. LO is a fairly forceful and opinionated kid and I like the fact that daycare makes him kind of fall in line and understand that he can't always get his way, or have all the attention on him all the time.
Also, I think daycare has in general been great for my LO. He learns and tries new things, he loves being around the other kids, he has an outlet for all his energy, he loves new people and is super social... I'm sure daycare isn't a great fit for every kid, but it sure is for mine.
That said, I think we will enlist my mom to help out with infant care when our next one is born in the fall. I don't worry about the whole "being a pushover" thing for a young baby- she's welcome to "spoil" my infant all she wants! I don't think we'll ask her to come full-time... I'm thinking maybe I'll go back to work at 9 or 10 weeks, but just 3 days a week for a few months, and my mom will watch the new baby for those 3 days (probably at her house, since DH can drop off on the way to work), while my son continues to go to daycare every day.

For us, it was daycare. We entertained the idea of having my mom watch LO but she and my dad are enjoying their retirement and are still active in their lives and I didn't want to add anything extra to her. It also makes a big difference that I went back to work after LO had turned one year old. She LOVES daycare and like your situation, it's a 3 minute drive from home, which makes drop-offs and pickups a breeze.

Personally, I would choose daycare. There are disadvantages to daycare: sickness and poor naps however, the positives (I believe) outweigh the negatives. The socialization is excellent! They have music, art, etc. At LOs school, he is learning sign language and he loves it. I get frustrated with his poor naps and that he has a constant runny nose. But I pick up a happy baby every day and that's worth it for me. Plus, I love hanging the art projects in my office.

Very interesting to read these responses - we are planning a hybrid approach - my mom one day, MIL one day, and day care 3 days/week. Glad to hear that approach works for some people.

OP, in your situation, I think I would go with daycare if I could afford it. Alternatively, could you set yourself up on a wait list and try having your mom care for the baby FT in the beginning? If you could avoid hurt feelings by changing your mind, this might not be a bad option. Perhaps you could blame it on the commute if you needed to switch?

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I definitely think the daycare is better in your situation then. If your mom is not someone you'd hire if she wasn't you mom, then don't do it =)

@lawbee11: My LO actually loves the car and falls asleep during the 20 minute ride to daycare. I'm lucky.

Depends on your relationship with your mom Nd if you trust her to be the child care provider. If it was an option to us we will absolutely choose grandparents!

My mom and MIL split the childcare duties for us (mom 3 days, MIL 2 days) and it's awesome. They both live super close though, and my mom comes to my house and DS goes to MIL's. It gives DS lots of grandma time and they both feel like they get to be "fun" grandmas since it's part time (neither wants to do it 5 days/week as it's more of a job then).

I do totally foresee some issues though when it comes to a strict schedule, discipline, rules, etc. While there is no actual money exchanged, I will pay some sort of price! But we'll cross that road when it comes, and I will definitely consider day care or at least nursery school for the socialization factor when DS is older (he's 7 months). Right now though, it made the transition of going back to work REALLY easy - I had no anxiety about his care because they know him so well.

@Mrs. Cowgirl: I agree, all I ever hear from friends is that sooner or later something goes wrong and feelings get hurt when a family member provides care.

To me the extra commute time would not be worth it and gas isn't getting any cheaper. I'd go daycare or part-time day care if possible.

I realize my opinion is probably not popular, but I really don't like the idea of "grandma daycare". While they would probably never admit it, I feel that it takes advantage of the grandparent. I'm sure they love spending time with their grandchildren, but it's a lot to ask of someone to take on a full time job of watching someone else's child, normally for very little or no compensation.

My MIL watches our niece a few days a week, making financial sacrifices to do so, and it kind of drives me crazy. I know that she's going to offer to do the same for our child when we eventually have one but we will not be taking her up on the offer (for a number of reasons).

In your situation, OP, the obvious choice would be daycare. Yes, it's more expensive but $1000 p/month seems fair as far as daycares go. That and the time savings, would be a no brainer for me. I bet that commute would get old, quick.