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What about 4 days in daycare, 1 day with grandma?
My MIL lives 30 minutes away (out of the way of work) and even if she was retired, it would never occur to me to have her provide grandma care because the commute is a dealbreaker, alone. Smoking's also a dealbreaker for me, personally. Not just cutting back (as my parents have said they are trying to)
And i totally agree with the PP's that grandma would have to take on the more caregiving role all the time and i'd rather my family not have to do that. Generally speaking, I prefer to pay people for a service. Then, i can tell them what i want/expect. I feel like it's hard to do that with family without there being issues.
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@KissMeCait: You make a good point about not taking advantage of free/ reduced cost family care. My mom always paid.me to babysit my brother and if I didn't want to she would.hire a sitter. She has always been fair.
@BlackBird: Smoking IS a dealbreaker. My mom has other health reasons to quit smoking and by the time she is a grandma I think she will have kicked the habit.
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My mom had been watching DD since she was 3 months and it has been invaluable! I worked from home from 3-7 months, unemployed for 2 (which I watched DD), and now I work outside of home. When I worked from home we would alternate between me dropping DD off at my moms and her coming to us, depending on her schedule. It was nice to have my mom around even as a companion on those first months! We've been living with my mom for a few months now waiting to close on a place and not having to pack DD up every day is a huge! Plus my mom and dad have been fantastic with DD but yet disciplines her when needed (just setting boundaries, what is OK and redirects when needed). I have complete trust and DD had barely gotten more than a sniffle, which she caught when we went out and was in contact with other sick kiddos. Mom didn't want to take any money but we give her $500 a month. They seem to genuinely enjoy spending time win DD and I'm careful to take days (DH too) if they need a day off for appointments or just because.
That said, I do plan on extolling DD in some sort of pre-school / daycare program when she's 2 so she can interact with other kids.
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I voted for grandma care if that's something that fits your family. Less illnesses probably and also grandma has more of an interest in baby's well being than daycare, generally... But that would also depend on whether parenting decisions would be respected, etc.
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if it were me, i'd pick my mom - no question. she's the only other person in the world that loves lo as much as dh and i do.
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@MungBean: SAME! My mom watched my son until he was 2 (and is currently watching my DD) and there's no one else in the world I'd want to care for my kids. She loves my kids just as much as we do and I'm just so comforted knowing that she's giving them so much love every day. OMG I'm tearing up now. I love my umma!!!
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@banana: I know huh?! I really can't think of anyone else who loves my kiddo this much
that's awesome that your mom watches your dd now! Halmunees are the bestest!
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Interesting that so many are against it. I get the reasoning completely, but for us, a savings of $700/month would make an enormous difference. Absolutely enormous. If you can comfortably afford full-time daycare, that's one thing. But sometimes finances do come into play.
Also, for me, I don't adore the idea of infant daycare. For babies under 1 year, it's not my first choice personally. I would rather have one nurturing, devoted caretaker who doesn't have 3 other babies to attend to. I'm not sure how old your LO is?
Once your LO is over 1 year old, and discipline is more of an issue, I think part-time daycare (maybe 4 days a week) with some time with grandma would be a good solution. You can save some money, LO gets quality time with grandma, but it's not a "job."
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I work from home and we have my ILs watch our son only on Wednesdays. It gives me a specific day that I know I can plan things for work or personal time and it provides the grandparents with an extra day with him, not just the Sunday visit. I feel very fortunate that they can watch him one day a week but it certainly is a challenge because they don't follow our routine, especially nap time! They allow him to fall asleep on thei shoulders while carrying him upright! I don't think you can go any farther away from our routine of putting him down drowsy on his back. It's very frustrating! He is only 4.5 months so discipline is not yet an issue but I can already tell that it will be in the future. I wish my mom lived closer to us, she's very good at disciplining and routines. We will be putting him in preschool/daycare probably around 2 years if not a little sooner.
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@daniellemybelle: no LO just yet. I'm just an uber planner and worry wart, like to get all my ducks in a row.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Totally understand, that's me, too.
I think part-time daycare could hopefully be the best of both worlds for you. Are there part-time options available?
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So, you're talking about $700 a month. Less, really, with food and gear. Maybe $500 a month. For 45 minutes a day? That would not be hard for me. If I could spend the money, I would do it in a heart beat. Work-outside-the-home parents get 2-3 hours a day with their kids, max, and 45 extra minutes a day would be well worth $500 a month, to me, IF I could afford it. I would even skimp and cut back on other things to be able to. No question.
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@sarac: 45 minutes one-way. It's an extra hour.and a half in the car fout times a week if the baby goes to my mom's house. What is your childcare situation?
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@daniellemybelle: Nope all the daycare centers near me are full time only, which isn't a bad thing for me. My goal isn't necessarily to maximize baby and grandma face time, it is truly to do what's best for the baby and if I can do that for less- great!
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I am a stay at home mom, so my consideration are quite different. I totally understand the money aspect, and that's really fair. But an hour and a half not in the car would be worth any amount of money I could afford, personally.
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@sarac: ok, that clears it up, I wasn't sure if you were for or against grandma care...that the 45 min car ride was good bonding time or not. Thanks for the input!
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I certainly don't understand why you would EVER pay your mom to watch your child, particularly if you are driving your LO to her and providing everything she needs.
My MIL watches my LO one or two days a week, and we have a sitter through a babysitting service who comes 1-2 days a week. It works well for us. I would never pay MIL to watch LO though... I didn't read all the comments, so maybe you explained why she needs to be paid, but to me free babysitting comes with the grandma territory.
Just an FYI, my LO is in the car 30-45 minutes each way to grandma's house, and that includes my husband dropping me off at work... My LO takes that opportunity to have his first nap of the day, and usually naps on the way home. He doesn't nap well at any other time, so it's an added bonus for us! -
I had this discussion with DH when we were looking for part-time help with DS. I could either utilize his mother, who lives 15 minutes away from us currently, or we could find someone in our 'village' to come to our house to help out with DS. We decided to find someone else to watch him. I know most people know that I have a problem with my MIL (long story), but the reason wasn't because of any of the faults in our relationship.
If I had part-time help, then I could set the rules. Teach what to do, when, and where. I could set guidelines, rules, and expect them to be followed because that meant that I was the boss. If I wasn't happy, we would find someone else to come over to our house and help out with DS. But with my MIL, she's family. She's been through this with DH, she's emotionally attached to DS, and she has experience. While I know she would do her best to follow my rules and instructions, she wouldn't be able to help but do things her own way - even with me standing over her shoulder. Besides, you can't fire family. So after a long discussion about it (and an even longer one with her, trying to explain it gently), we hired outside, part-time help.
Besides, she also used to watch her niece and nephew after school. At first, for her, it seemed like she really enjoyed it. But over time, she felt like she was being taken advantage of. She wasn't allowed to be an aunt and she hated having to conform to their weird schedule as they branched out into extra curricular activities. Add to that the problems she started having with her sibling and his wife when trying to make the schedules? It became a nightmare. She was relieved when she no longer had to take care of them. I know this isn't necessarily the case with you since your LO is so young, but it's something to keep in mind for the future.
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@Pink Champagne: You would be surprised, but the validity of my mom being compensated did not come up with the previous posters. But, I want to pay her for a few reasons. 1st I want her to come to me, that's a 90 minute roundtrip daily commute, most of which is on the turnpike (toll road). The commute alone is a killer and she should be compensated. 2nd I am directing her in the care I want her to provide, so from 8am to 5pm she is nanny not granny so to speak. 3rd she may have to turn down contract work during the months I want her to care for my baby and she would make alot more doing that, so something I give her is better than nothing.
I would rather not have to pay her anything, but at the end of the day it's the right thing for me to do. Plus I think the arrangement would last longer if she felt she wasn't being taken for granted. Now, if she turns down my offer I won't push. But, honestly she wouldn't be *my* mom if she didn't negotiate for more.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Oh, yeah, sorry. I am opposed to commuting 1.5 hours a day if there is literally any other option. Grandma care is great, but I would consider that commute to be an absolute pox on my lifestyle.
that's awesome that your mom watches your dd now! Halmunees are the bestest!
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