Parenting has been overwhelming experience from the beginning for me. DD is 13 months old. Newborn stage was tough but we got over it and things were better from 7-11 months and then toddler stage has just been too overwhelming for me. All the transitions like to solids, cow milk, bottles and sleep related and add tantrums to the mix have made me a mess. I have no friends and family here so its just me trying to manage things. DH has opinion on everything but practically he is not much help. It is supposed to be getting easy with time? But I find myself really struggling
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@Jass: HUGS!!
It is SO overwhelming, but you are not alone in your feelings or frustrations. I had a really hard time with it... even the 2nd time around! It's a lot of pressure to know that you are in charge of this human and everything is so new to you... and every stage is so different from the one you just got out of.
I'm sorry you don't have help from you husband... I think a lot of women can commiserate (including me). But, know that you can ask all the questions you want on here and we will help you out.
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Hugs. I have no advice. I am a FTM in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression, so I can sort of commiserate. You have been going at it a lot longer than I have, kudos to you. Try to give yourself some grace.
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@BabyBoecksMom: thanks for the kind words
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@Mrs. Coral: Thanks
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@Jass: Of course! That's what this community is about. Trust me, I have asked so many questions on here because I had NO CLUE what I was doing. But, I have 2 kids that have survived so I can't be doing too bad, right? haha I'm sure you're doing better than you think you are... it's just hard to see that through all of the day to day stresses.
Where do you live? Maybe there are some bees located in your area.
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Are you a SAHM? Maybe try finding a play group you could join so you could have some other moms and babies to spend time with so you get some friends and an outlet for when you're feeling overwhelmed and LO gets some playmates.
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@BabyBoecksMom: I live in burbs of Fort Lauderdale.
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@Truth Bombs: Yeah I am SAHM and part of problem is we are one car family.
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@Jass: OMG hang in there. I really hear you! I hoped at 12 months there was supposed to be some magic, right? Things were supposed to get easier. No. It was more like 2 years for me! Not to scare you, just want to let you know I understand, and that it did eventually get easier. Are you sleeping at night? I started having DH take care of LO at night when she was still waking as a toddler. Are there places you can walk to?
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@jass I completely understand. I'm a SAHM to my almost 13 month old daughter. We moved out of state about 3 months ago and I find it extremely overwhelming. I've tried looking for different groups to join but they always seem to meet during my daughters nap. My husband works 12-14 hour days so it can get pretty lonely. I try to get out everyday- can you take the baby for a walk or is there a park in walking distance? Also, I would try to express your feelings to your husband. I always try to take some time on the weekend for myself- you have to take care of yourself too! I also remind myself that everything is pretty much a phase and tomorrow is a brand new day. Sounds cheesy, but it helps!
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@Greentea: Thanks. .sleep is ok....and its not she is super high needs baby...I am just not enjoying parenting right now and when I see people out happy even with their newborns I feel super guilty
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@charleysmom: thanks ...yeah being thousands of miles away from family makes it much more difficult.
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Hang in there, mama. Being a mother is so overwhelming. And I understand about then husband thing. So much is put on the mother's shoulders. My DH works a shift schedule so it's me primarily. I'm very lucky to have family to help
My only real advice is that things got easier once I let things go a bit. I used to worry about everything - sleep, eating, etc. Now I've realized kids do things at their own pace and I can't change that. Once I stopped worrying, things got easier for me. I know it's easier said than done, but it's true.
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So sorry you are struggling. Being a mom can be so hard sometimes, it's not all happy babies and snuggles. We moved across the country away from our family last year and it is really hard. I do have older kids so I'm not as tied down to nap times - but if you can find a mom's group that meets every other week - maybe the nap can fall to the wayside those days. Sometimes getting you connected to other moms is more important than naps.
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12-15 months sucked. And don't feel bad, I don't enjoy the toddler stage so far! There were a lot of changes for LO (molars, learning to walk, growth spurt) and really crappy sleep. Then it all evened out, and he's sleeping well and communicating more at 18 months and it's a lot easier.
But to be fair, it's really, really boring with a toddler. Like most days I feel like I want to scream from the boredom. I try to get out every day to a store or a park and it helps. I'm sorry you have to do it all alone without any family
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My LO is also 13 months and not a day goes by that I don't feel like a failure. You are not alone.
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@Jass: I don't want to make it sounds like you are crazy, because as you've heard from others a lot of what you are going through is normal! But have you talked to your doctor about postpartum depression/ general depression? The feelings of guilt, not enjoying things, overwhelmed....could be. Symptoms.
You are doing a great job- we all need help and support. Parenting completely alone just isn't possible. I hope you can find more support in your life soon
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@Jass: I was going to suggest the same thing as @Silva: about seeing a doctor about postpardem depression.
I've felt like you do the entire time I've been a SAHM to my 23month old daughter. One of the major things that had helped has been talking to a doctor and finding out my feelings are totally normal and what a lot of women go through. I've gotten on medication as well and even breastfed with medication with no adverse effects. The medication has really helped too and I'm a much better mommy because of it.
Further, from talking to the doctor helped me to find the right words to say to my husband about what help I really needed! After many conversations and some fights he has gotten so much better with our daughter and letting me get time to myself as well!
Good luck and keep talking about it!
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@Jass: well, don't feel guilty. Parenting is a real shock, imo. I don't have help from anyone aside from DH. I try not to compare to other parents out and about, you never know what their struggles are, especially in private. Parenting is tough on everyone I know IRL. Maybe some people have it easier, but for us it has been like that Bill Murray quote from LIT, "the day they are born, life as you know it is over."
Can DH help more? I hope it helps to know other people have a rough time of it too. Getting out everyday helps a lot too. Now that DD is 2, I am enjoying, actually loving being a parent. And it isn't that I didn't love it before, but we had some rough circumstances- no help, one car, etc. Hang in! Anyone in certain circumstances will have a rough time.
For me, not trying to be perfect and moving where I could walk places helped, do you know any positive changes you could make or work toward that might help?
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I'm sorry
I feel like it is is probably a lot of things. The not having friends/family nearby is huge. I enjoy life so much more when I see friends regularly. And especially staying home... you don't even get the interaction of coworkers and the occasional fun lunch out. Grownups need grownup time on the regular! Also the DH not helping thing sounds hard. My DH has ben pretty good about helping, especially when I clearly tell him what I need, but I know sometimes if I feel like he's slacking I get resentful and it colors my whole world view until we get it sorted out. Also, as a possibility, maybe you aren't a baby/toddler person. Not everyone is. I sort of think I'm not. I mean, I love my daughter to pieces, and I find joy in hanging out with her... sometimes. But really and honestly? I'm not a little kid person. Now that she's a toddler I don't miss her being a baby AT ALL. All those moms who weep at newborn pics? Not me! I'm so glad we are DONE with the baby stage. Toddlerhood is difficult in its own way but I do think it is better than babyhood and I also can clearly see that this too shall pass and at some point I'll have an actual KID. Who I can have a conversation with. And who doesn't cry irrationally and/or try to kill herself every 30 min or less. Some people are built to roll with all the baby/toddler punches and some people just enjoy older kids more.
I feel like it is is probably a lot of things. The not having friends/family nearby is huge. I enjoy life so much more when I see friends regularly. And especially staying home... you don't even get the interaction of coworkers and the occasional fun lunch out. Grownups need grownup time on the regular! Also the DH not helping thing sounds hard. My DH has ben pretty good about helping, especially when I clearly tell him what I need, but I know sometimes if I feel like he's slacking I get resentful and it colors my whole world view until we get it sorted out. Reply
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