Hellobee Boards

Why did your brother agree to this? I guess there are two sides to this the one being that your parents are adults and don’t have to tell you anything they don’t want too and the other being that you don’t have to accept that since relationships are built on trust. My in laws are very much like this but my brother in law and sister in law would never keep something from us. We always present a united front. So I guess I’d be mad at your brother as well. And as for your mom I’d tell her what you told us - that this makes you wonder what else she is hiding from you and makes you question your child being in her care. Your an adult and need to be treated as such and in your relationships you don’t have lie

I’d tell them you can’t trust them to watch your kid. Because I wouldn’t. Glad they are doing better and sorry they tried to hide it.

First of all, so glad your parents are ok.

I can see my mom doing the same thing so I understand. I really limit contact between her and the kids. (But that's always easy to do since we don't live on the same continent.) She's commented that I should get my 10 year old an iPhone so she can just contact her directly. The thought of that terrifies me! Not sure how I will handle things with her once my kids are old enough to have their own phones.

First of all, glad your parents are ok and you don't have to worry about them getting COVID.

Second of all, wow. That's a lot. Honestly, I would call and yell and get out everything I think about their decision. That's a lot to keep inside and be the better person about.

@Mrs. Carrot: I’m sorry that’s really hard. I think you need to address all three of them because that’s some bullshit

I would say "when you don't tell me important health information about my family, i don't know if i can trust you to watch the girls anymore. i worry you won't tell me if something happens to them while they're with you, like you not telling me that you and dad had covid" i'd be more upset that it's the continuation of the same pattern of behavior and her lack of remorse.

Oh I commiserate so much with you. I come from a looooong line of family who do this and it drives me bananas. My uncle hid his MS diagnosis for years, my grandpa his cancer severity for months, and my mom has done this in the past too for many things. I have confronted my mom several times and it has gotten through to her to the point where she often tells me things before everyone else now! We are also very close so I can tell from her voice and even her texting style if something is wrong so she’s learned she can’t hide from me ha

I would totally confront them. In this case I would throw in the fact that in a worse case scenario, your dad could have been taken away to hospital and you never saw him again without even knowing he was sick. That’s extremely serious and I would be totally furious. I think you could also mention this makes you lose trust in them when it comes to your kids like someone else mentioned.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know firsthand how frustrating it is to be in your shoes. I hope they come around.

Yikes that tough. I get both sides. I myself have gone through major health issues in the past few years. It would feel very intrusive if I felt I had to tell my family as soon as these came up. Sometimes you need time to process before you can talk about it. Something infectious though is sort of a different story because you’d hope that you would be aware before you came in contact with them. But still, it’s their bodies and their choice of what/when to tell anyone.

It sounds like what’s making you more angry is the fact that you’re not sure what information they would divulge if they had your child in their care. I would put those two things as separate entities. Your parents have the right to keep their health information to themselves if they so choose. They don’t have the right to withhold information if it affects your child. I’m not even sure how I’d go about discussing that. My parents have certainly not told us health things as they’ve come up. Sometimes we find out months later. That doesn’t really bother me. However, I trust them completely that they would divulge ANY information that would affect my children in their care. Maybe acknowledge that’s the real issue? You aren’t upset that she isn’t telling you everything (she doesn’t have to!), but that you’re worried what she’s not telling you now or in the future will directly or indirectly hurt your child.

I would say have it out and try to be open-minded. I say that because what your mom is doing is so so common. There’s a lot of people who don’t share medical issues - it’s a private thing for them. If that’s the case with your mom - kind of a “my health is none of your business” attitude, then perhaps you have nothing to worry about with your daughter. But you’d have to have the conversation - guessing will do you no good. I’m glad their ok though.