Hellobee Boards

So many things!

My birth experience was completely different here than in the US (much better!). It's the norm to have a midwife deliver instead of an OB, for uncomplicated births, in any case. They don't swaddle here, we were given a mini comforter-like blanket in the hospital bassinet when DD was born.

Just about everyone has 1 year of paid mat leave, so most moms (and sometimes dads) are home for a full year. Which means most kids don't start daycare until 1. And when they do, they usually go straight to open cups. Just about everyone I know was surprised by the use of open cups with one year olds, but they learn fast!

There is much less helicoptering here. I'm the crazy American chasing my toddler all over the playground while I often see little ones with no direct supervision and big ones seem to be at the park with no parents in sight. Elementary aged kids (as young as 7) go to and from school on their own, sometimes taking public transit on their own for slightly older 9/10 yos.

I mentioned this on another thread yesterday but the vaccine schedule and certain vax combos are also different than in the US. We fully vax on time and on schedule according to the local recommendations.

I've spent most of my childhood in another country, and still have tons of friends/family there, so I'd say bigggg timeeee. A few things -

1) Only the very rich can afford to SAH. No one really "struggles" between SAH and WOH b/c most people don't even have the choice to make to begin with

2) Outsource everything. Even most middle class families can usually afford outside help coming from other parts of Asia. Many families hire live in helpers that are nannies/cleaners/cooks, all in one.

3) Stricter/more detached parenting. This is definitely VERY much generalizing, but Chinese people are always saying don't hold the baby too much, you'll spoil them, etc. I know my parents and I never showed affection towards one another growing up.

4) Education. I had tests going into 1st grade! Enough said. When I moved to the US, my math level was HS level and I was only in 7th grade! I was so glad we moved here b/c I don't think I would have survived the system there. So many young people commit suicide over the grueling education system there.

The kids go to international schools and all the kids speak 3-4 languages from an early age. I haven't noticed that many differences in parenting styles to my own, but that's probably because I'm more international leaning myself.

@Orchid: We are American and pretty much function this way. I would go crazy if I had to adhere to a super strict nap schedule or ritual.

My family is Korean and we do things a lot differently.

The culture is really child-centered, whether you WOH or SAH. Child proofing and having your house totally overrun by padded mats and toys and playrooms are not unusual. Be sharing and cosleeping until school age or later is totally the norm. They sell all sorts of family beds and trundle beds and floor bed combinations that can accommodate the entire family. Also there is no adherence to schedules and bedtimes. Kids sleep when and where they can or are until school. The culture is helicopter in terms of caring about infant hygiene, nutrition, and illness, but less so with issues of screen time and safety. Tech is so ubiquitous in Korea and children's programming taking up a HUGE sector in the media, parents see TV and screen time as normal. The culture is very child friendly and crime in even super urban places like Seoul is low and violent crime almost nil. So no one worries about their kid walking to school or playing outside - someone will always help them or watch for them if there's a problem.

One thing I really envy is that by being both child-focused and urban with very little open space, THERE ARE SO MANY KID FRIENDLY PLACES IN THE CITY!!! Play rooms, classes, cafes with elaborate playgrounds, childproofed cafes and restaurants that are baby and toddler friendly - it's a dream. Granted it's pricey but just to have that many options in one city is amazing. And that doesn't include the fact that people are just accommodating to kids in general.

Mother baby care is also huge. They have post partum recovery hotels you can stay at after birth where they take care of everything and the culture has a tradition of supporting a month-long lie in where your mom stays with you and helps with the baby.

I can tell you a little about parenting in my husband's culture, from what I've observed as an outsider. And of course, these are all generalizations, there are always exceptions.

-babies and kids don't have early bedtimes. Dinner time is late, and it's common for a children's birthday to start at 7 pm and maybe go on to midnight (or later!). All the kids that are say, 2 and up would just stay awake. Babies would pass out in mom's arms, in a car seat, etc in all the noise.

-naps are similar. Not scheduled and babies aren't put in other quiet rooms to nap. As an outsider, I notice this means babies cry quite a bit more than my baby does, but the crying is considered normal and ppl aren't bothered by it. For example, when my baby cries, I assume she is hungry or tired or needs a diaper change and I do one of those things and she stops crying. A baby in my in-laws circle would just cry in a boucy seat with other people continuing to play with them until they just pass out. Then they are up 20 minutes later again. They think it's weird my babies have to be in quiet dark rooms to sleep; I think it's weird their babies sleep so little, haha

-Parents hand-feed their children for years. I mean, even up to the age of 10 (or older!) a parent will pick up food with their hands and feed each child separately. As a result family meals sitting at a table are rare, because first a parent will feed one child, then feed another child, and then eat themselves. My husband tells me even his aunts would hand feed him when they watched him after school until he was 12-13 because they thought he was too skinny. Hand feeding is very normal and not considered something "shameful" whereas in the US, people would be appalled to see a parent feeding their 10 year old kid.

-Parents give milk in bottles for years. Also no shame about this. Sippy cups and straw cups are less popular and they tend to use bottles till maybe age 3 for milk and then use cups during the day for water and still bottles before bed. I think my nephew was getting a bottle of milk till age 5 before bed. I see my neighbor leave the house now with their 3.5 year old drinking a bottle of milk (also south Asian).

-education and respect for teachers is paramount. Absolutely paramount. Parents will generally not "take the side" of their own kid if the kid complains about the teacher. They will work to make sure their child does better next time. Kids will do work on school breaks or will go to extra tutoring places.

-They don't call it co-sleeping, but co-sleeping is more common. And married parents don't always sleep together, they are just as likely to split up and sleep with a different kid. Co sleeping in some form or fashion might last longer, till the kid is 4-5 or so. If they aren't co-sleeping, they are definitely room sharing in the baby years (like baby might be in a crib next to their bed). Putting a baby in another room is just not done at all.

-I don't observe a lot of angst about breastfeeding or formula feeding. It actually seems most common to BF for a few months and then switch to FF. There doesn't seem to be a desire or need to make it to a certain age goal.

-it's more common for babies/kids to be taken care of by grandparents, even overnight, when the parents want to do something else--and parents don't feel guilty. Grandparents may take kids for a week or two while the parents go on a trip alone. Even before a baby is 1.

-contrary to popular belief, babies and young kids are not given spicy foods. I see this misconception thrown around a lot by white people (I'm also white), but it's not true. They are very careful not to give babies and younger kids anything spicy. They stick to very bland foods with no salt or seasonings for quite a while.

-car seat safety rigidness is not a thing. Car seats at all are only for people in western countries, so my inlaws that live in western countries use them, but don't worry about where the chest clip is or if it's forward or backwards facing, haha.

-kids that have the slightest cold can't have a bath or get their heads wet. If it's below 70 degrees F, a kid will be bundled to the extreme.

-in a Canadian winter, there is 0 chance a baby will not be wearing a snowsuit PLUS a bundleme type thing in a car seat.

-Swaddling is not done, but putting the head in some kind of blanket nest to preserve roundness of the head IS done.

There are so many!