Hellobee Boards

Wait a minute why were there receipts and paper left out for the cleaner to have figure out what to do with?

I haven’t gone through much of what you described; however I leave all surfaces clear before the cleaner comes. I also discuss which products they plan to use on things that I may have a definite opinion about. If there are things that should be left on the counter that’s also discussed. For instance, our toaster, coffee maker, and Soda stream stay out. I don’t leave a sink of dirty dishes for the cleaners to clean and put away. Often I’m washing the dishes when they arrive so they have clear sink to clean and sanitize. They move the drying rack to clean the counter, but I put everything away.

Sounds like your cleaner was a little overzealous or maybe she had to straighten and up prep before she could actually clean.

Yes to above! Although it can be stressful the day before, having cleaners come is a great way to get things organized. If you can have them regularly it really helps force you to keep it under control so probably first time was the hardest and hopefully easier from here. We aim for clear surfaces/counters and my dh can’t quite get there but at least it gets down to a couple organized piles they can clean around in his areas. I also usually start the dishwasher before I leave that day so they’re clean when I get home (but I don’t ask them to empty it). As for stuff getting moved around, I think you have to just ask them not to (if it’s not trash). Cleaners are sometimes taught to move things / change things (like turn on a fan) to leave “evidence” they did each room.

I have to pre clean before the cleaner comes. Just basically get clutter out of the way. It’s good because it forces me to get organized. I can’t expect the cleaner to sort receipts or just pile everything she thinks is clutter into piles around the house. It wouldn’t look like she cleaned
So I run around like a crazy person for about an hour before she comes
If your partner is adamant about throwing stuff out, just direct the cleaner to not throw anything away unless it’s alresdy in a trash can. And I’d leave out a large tray for her to put unknowns into
I also run the dishwasher while she’s there
I’ve had instances of miscommunication (or really no communication on my side) because it doesn’t dawn on me that people don’t all clean like I do.
I have to review that she can’t use Clorox clean up on the marble counters. But at a certain point I stopped caring about a lot of stuff because someone else was doing the heavy lifting for me. She doesn’t do laundry (only sheets) because that is one thing I’m particular about.
ETA: our housecleaner is one of the top three things to ever happen to our marriage. My husband isn’t a neat freak though. But I bore the burden of household tasks and I was getting resentful.

I also prep the house before the cleaners come, since I don't want them throwing things away or trying to find someplace to put things. I clear all countertops and surfaces, so random papers or magazines go in drawers or wherever I intend to store them long term. I pick up any toys that are on the floor and put them in storage bins. I walk around the house with a trash bag, so anything that needs to be thrown away, I get rid of before the cleaners come. I put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and dirty towels in the washing machine, so both of those are running while they clean. It makes their job easier, and they also can be more efficient with their time if they aren't having to organize and put things away for you.

I have gone through a lot of house cleaners recently and posted about it on here (3 since December; meeting with #4 tonight). Because your partner met with the housecleaner, it’s weird to me that they’re so upset. BUT it is really odd that they threw things out. Your house needs to be tidy before they come clean, but I would be really upset if a cleaner threw anything out and at this point I’d probably cut ties with that person. If they need to move stuff around that’s one thing. And if the cleaner thought you guys needed to do some decluttering before she could clean then she should have said that. I guess maybe old to do lists is okay but still weird, but the receipts are a deal breaker: what if they were receipts you needed for taxes or work?

@lilyofthewest: So did you partner specifically ask this person to declutter and organize as opposed to just cleaning? If so, it's even weirder that your partner is angry since it sounds like the cleaner did exactly what you guys needed done? I could never outsource organizing because I'm too much of a control freak and it sounds like your partner is too. I would suggest that you two just work through your house bit by bit. Pick one room every weekend where you commit to cleaning and organizing (during the kids nap time, after they go to bed, take turns working on it while the other partner watches the kids, etc) then commit to keeping that room in good shape while you work through the rest of the house on future weekends. It will take some time, but the project will be manageable if you break it up.

@lilyofthewest: it seems like something deeper is going on than just anger about a few thrown away receipts. I remember your previous thread about clutter and disorganization, and it just seems like something deeper is going on for each of you. You know, I hate to say it, but like....you and your partner's "inner child". That sounds cheesy, but it seems like something stemming from both of your childhoods to have this be an ongoing hot button issue, especially with how your partner is reacting. Is your partner's anger today connected to what makes your house cluttered and disorganized in the first place? Does he have hoarder tendencies?

Once he's done rage mowing, I think if you can have a calm moment together, you can get to the bottom of it. And you'll have to be really kind and judgement free for it to not blow up into an argument.

My husband and I area cleaning "mismatches". We kind of tolerate our differences at this point and we've found workarounds that make us both somewhat happy.

Sounds like you all should have decluttered before the cleaner came. We just started using a cleaning person-she comes every two weeks and it has been great knowing we don't have to clean! But we make sure to declutter the night before so she isn't dealing with papers, etc. left on surfaces or dirty dishes/appliances to clean. It's not fun but you and your partner need to set aside a chunk of time (say no to fun stuff and watching tv, etc) and declutter. I like having her come as it forces us to declutter.

@lilyofthewest: Decluttering/organizing a house, cleaning a house, and mowing the lawn are three very different and distinct tasks. And doing all of them would have taken all weekend. So it seems like this would have been a pretty massive undertaking with very clearly communicated expectations. I agree with the others that there is a much larger issue going on here with your partner.

I agree w @Truth Bombs: . Why would the same hired person mow the lawn vs. declutter vs clean. those are three different jobs/specialties. I think there needs to be clear expectations on what you are hiring this person to do. I cannot imagine one person being able to do all of this in any sort of reasonable time frame.

I agree with others in that I'm very confused about his expectations of this person, and also confused by his reaction. Which leads me to believe he's having an anxiety or otherwise emotionally driven response (not a logical response).

Whenever someone overreacts/reacts in a way that is utterly baffling I generally assume that a very vulnerable part of themselves has been "poked" or injured in someway. Sounds like he may have some hoarding tendencies or some form of anxiety linked to his things/his space.

I cannot imagine texting someone at 11:00 at night. Thats not normal or rational behavior. It sounds like he feels very out of control.

I don't think its helpful for your particular situation, but we have someone who cleans for 2.5 hours every other week. The night before she comes we make sure all surfaces are clear, laundry is put away, stuff is picked up off the floors. I hired her to do the cleaning I can't get to- scrubbing the shower/tub, she vacuums and dusts the whole house, mops the floors. She makes little piles of things that she finds in that process (there are little hair clips ALL OVER MY HOUSE and she usually just sets them in a pile as she finds them while cleaning).
If a space is cluttered (for example, my husband's bedside table or the top of his dresser, the cubbies in our mudroom) she doesn't touch it. She said explicitly in her contract that she doesn't de-clutter or put stuff away, and doesn't do laundry.
She uses a cleaner on the floor that makes the flooring in my bedroom a little slippery. I just do a second mop with water after she leaves, because I don't give a shit and she's the one doing all the work. It takes me two seconds.

She's not a servant, I see it more as a collaborative process of trying to keep my house from being filthy and keep me sane.

I'm pretty sure paying someone to clean your house IS giving them explicit permission to move things. How else are they supposed to clean? What did your partner expect them to do?

@lilyofthewest: omg - that is such a basic set of instructions that no wonder it wasn't done to your partners specifications! (sorry, but total eye roll). lol I think he needs to seriously think about what he wanted done and should have had a set list of expectations (which is doesn't sound like was done). Good luck with that! lol

This is slightly off topic, but I would DEFINITELY password protect your computer so that the cleaner (or anyone else who happens to be in your home) cannot use it. Then, going forward, there also won’t be any disputes about whether or not the cleaner used it.

We have had a regular cleaner for a few years. We’re pretty tidy, but if I don’t want something cleaned, like the kids Legos on the coffee table or paperwork on my desk, I just specify. Otherwise, our lady cleans everything, but doesn’t necessarily put away (like piles of toys or the mail on the counter). Also, if you’ve hired someone as a kind of jack of all trades (house work + yard work), that’s fine, I would just make expectations clear.

@lilyofthewest: ok, I don’t know what some of those things are, but it sounds like you are beyond protected and that it would be hard for a random person to use a computer set up like that. In your initial post, it sounded like the cleaner just pressed power and started surfing the web. Like others have said, it seems like your partner is really overreacting.