We moved this fall and I'm trying to find my way onto the mommy circuit in our new neighbourhood. I set up a play date with a couple moms for next week. One sends an email today letting us know that her daughter is healthy but not vaccinated.
DD2 is five weeks old and not yet vaccinated.
There have been four confirmed cases of measles in our city.
Am I unreasonable for skipping this?
WWYD?
218 votes
pear / 1787 posts
it was nice of her to let you know! i'd probably skip it but i'm paranoid about vaccinations (fwiw i don't even have a little one yet but i refused to have my shower after she is born because i'm paranoid!)
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I would absolutely skip it because your NB has no vaccinations yet. It's not worth the risk.
I agree it was nice of her to let you know.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
SKIP!! It's good she told you guys without being asked.
pomegranate / 3643 posts
I would skip. You could say something like, "thanks so much for letting us know. Since lo2 (ps congrats!) hasn't had her shots yet I think we will pass. Maybe we can get together at the park in a few weeks/months?"
It was nice she let you know!
persimmon / 1458 posts
I think it was very nice and courteous of her to let you know. I would 100% without a doubt skip it and honestly I'm not sure how I would handle a play date in the future either.
pomelo / 5257 posts
I think it's great she told you guys, and I would absolutely not go. I would be really appreciative of the heads up, though.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
I'm going to go against the grain here and wouldn't miss just because she was unvaccinated. An unvaccinated child isn't carrying around disease just because they are unvaccinated. I would assume if the mom had had enough foresight and thoughtfulness to share her child's vax status she would also share if they had been around someone who had been recently ill or if she had noticed symptoms in her LO. Also, just thinking aloud here, but what if her LO was immunocompromised and couldn't receive vaccines -- would you not go then, too?
pear / 1787 posts
@coopsmama: i know you weren't asking me but in that situation i'd just wait until i could get my newborn vaccinated, then i'd be totally open to play dates with the immunocompromised child!
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
@loki: What about a get together with another mom who had a newborn who was also obviously unvaxxed? Or an adult who isn't up on their boosters? There's just so much gray area that I tend to just avoid known risks (such as a sick individual no matter how sick) vs someone who may or may not be sick or have been around anyone who was sick.
pomelo / 5228 posts
Heck no! On one hand it's nice that she told you, on the other hand its not OK that she's endangering the lives of so many around her. For all you know, her kid came in contact that morning with a kid who hasn't yet shown signs of measles. Definitely don't want that near your NB.
pear / 1787 posts
@coopsmama: i plan on trying to avoid as many risks as possible in the early days... which would include unvaxxed kids or adults. obviously you can't monitor everyone and who they've been around but i would hope my family & friends would be smart about it!
i really like this mom because she gave everyone a heads up, knowing some people might not be comfortable having their little ones around her unvaccinated child. i respect that! so she probably won't be surprised when some people take her up on the offer to skip the play date.
apricot / 456 posts
@coopsmama: Newborns aren't typically in daycare or going to school, where they are exposed to dozens of other children.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
@loki: I guess I wasn't trying to make this a debate or a discussion - just sharing what I personally would do since the OP asked what we personally would do.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
@Skadi: But it doesn't take dozens. It only takes one. I just know I can't control all risks and I answered with that in mind.
coconut / 8234 posts
No play date, thank you, ma'am. I'd be keeping my kid home! It would be different if your child was old enough for the vaccines.
bananas / 9118 posts
If it were just my fully vaccinated (according to my ped's regimen and AAP's recommendations) 3 year old, I'd be ok with it and hope that I could keep my mouth shut about my strong belief in vaccines. But having a newborn at home/a baby not old enough for the vaccines yet (my 10 month old, we're waiting to hit 1 for the MMR) absolutely NOT. Awesome of her to let you guys know though.
We don't stay stuck at home all the time either, there's always risk, but I'm not out looking to increase the risk by putting him in the path of a known situation with active cases in your area.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I don't like the choice I had to pick. I wouldn't hibernate, but I wouldn't associate with that family either.
nectarine / 2433 posts
@oliviaoblivia: While I think it is great that she emailed ahead of time to tell you I would be skipping it for sure especially since right now they have not been able to find a connection or source case for the measles outbreak here.
OT: I walled you!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@coopsmama: Immunocompromised kids are encouraged to absolutely stay away from unvaccinated people. It's a huge problem for kids with leukemia in California right now. The outbreak of measles is forcing those kids to stay home from school... which is really unfair.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: oh no, I meant what if her child was unvaccinated solely because they were immunocompromised and couldn't be! I asked myself if I would keep a newborn away from the play date in that situation and decided I wouldn't so to be fair (since both children, the hypothetical immunocompromised one and the unvaccinated one are equally just as unvaccinated) I wouldn't avoid a play date just because of vax status. That's just how I thought through the situation, myself, but I know that what I would do isn't the popular approach. And that's ok. (side note - I do feel incredibly sorry for ALL immunocompromised kids!! Wasn't trying to make light at all.)
nectarine / 2784 posts
Skip, and since she was forward enough to let you know ahead of time, it doesn't sound like she'll be offended by you postponing.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@coopsmama: ah, I understand. That is a more interesting question. We did let our kids play with their unvaccinated immunocompromised friend, but my girls are fully vaccinated on schedule 
grapefruit / 4770 posts
You're poll options were really funny! Pray for good health, peanut butter jelly time LOL!
I'd skip it for sure, and still pray for good health!
pineapple / 12793 posts
@mrswin: checking wall now!
Thanks for weighing in everyone. I really want to give #1 the opportunity to make new neighborhood friends, but certainly not at the risk of #2.
@coopsmama: I appreciate your response. It definitely made me think. I wouldn't want to exclude an immunocompromised kid, but don't want to expose #2 to a willingly unvaxed kid that takes the subway all the time.
So many germs.
Ugh.
honeydew / 7916 posts
I wouldn't go, but would show my gratitude for her giving you the heads up. Not everyone would do that.
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81 comments