I don't post much lately, but I could use some thoughts on an issue. My DD is 4 (5 in August) and should be starting kindergarten this fall, the cut off is 5 by 9/1.

The problem is she's still not fully potty trained, especially for poop. We moved last spring and started her in a new daycare over the fall. She was doing okay-ish with potty training when she was home with us during the spring and part of the summer (thanks pandemic) but in retrospect she was constipated, causing her to poop tiny amounts several times a day.

She did okay at first starting in the new preschool, but then she got moved up to the pre-k room and her constipation got really bad. She refused to poop for days and starting having a ton of pee accidents (a consequence of too much poop pushing on her bladder).

We have had her see a doctor about the constipation since last fall and she's doing much better, but she still goes through phases of poop holding. And she's really inconsistent with using the potty for poop. She's really sensitive and I don't think the teachers in her current classroom are a good fit. I think they've gotten upset with her for her poop accidents and the kids have made fun of her, and now she's scared to poop at school and pretty much refuses, which either leads to accidents or more constipation. She's maybe 50/50 at home for using the potty vs. having an accident.

So we've come to the point where I'm starting to get nervous about kindergarten. Part of me says another 6 months may be enough time, the other part of me says we've been doing this for years and still not done. We are tempted to get a nanny who's willing to work on potty training her, but of course that's way more expensive and difficult when we both work at home. We could put her in another school for pre-k, but IDK that anyone would want to take her, given the issues. And even though it's not a great fit for her, I don't have a lot of confidence that changing it up will make her any less scared of the new environment (which is what exacerbated the problems last fall). We could hold her back, but I hate to that. She's so smart I feel like it would be a disservice to her. And then if we hold her back, I don't know that I want to keep sending her to the same school, and I know she's going to be scared at first going to a new situation and we may have the same holding problems regardless.

So I'm kind of stuck. DH thinks we should hire a nanny and have her home for the rest of the school year and work on poop training and hope that it's enough to send her to daycamp with her brother in June. But I'm not sure I'm up for all that, and I think we have to decide about kindergarten sooner than June.